Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Never thought I'd dream that....

I wonder what Snoopy is dreaming about here? Well I know what I'm dreaming about & I can't believe it. See my dreams are weird. I don't really ever have frivolous dreams like floating on top of a mountain, alien abductions, hippos, famous actors having lunch with me, or a crazy man dangling cheese in front of my face like in Buffy. Nope, not for me. Instead of have those almost real-life type dreams where you wake up & just for a moment hope that $20's you found in the dream is really on your nightstand. lol. I dreamt that once.

It's almost like my dreams are a false memory. It's extremely disorienting when you wake up because it plays back in my head when I wake up, like I'm desperately trying to remember what I did last night kinda like I'm forgetting it was just a dream. Perhaps it's because I have a photographic memory. I remember rooms, people's faces, what i see, not necessarily what I hear. Names...yeesh I'm bad with that. I don't know why.

The other night I dreamt something that should have been happy to dream but it just wasn't. It was literally almost like my mind was showing me how awful it truly was to be with the Mess (My Brown-Eyed Mr. Big Sorta Ex) so I could get over it. I was in a mall with him like I used to do with him, and then he turned to me & said, "Oh did we get everybody??". I responded, "Yeah it's just you & me". And he went to me, "Oh....right....you," with a look that he wasn't happy & was bored to be with me. The dream proceeded & he told me how he was dating this girl & that girl & going to call people to chill because I wasn't enough...It went on the dream & it was kinda like I was tied to the passenger seat in the car without a voice...I just sat there listening to the garbage, everything I said he never acknowledged...til I woke up.

Usually when he's in my dreams they're usually pleasant...even tho I haven't seen him in about a month & half. Now the dreams are like this one. Cold, awful, & leaves me waking up saying to myself..."Woa that was awful?? What was I thinking, sitting there in the dream doing nothing but listening to the crap???" Basically how the hell could I ever sit with him again & listen to him talk about the girls he'll date. I can't. He was my best friend...but I just can't pretend that I'm not hurt.

I wish I dreamt of sitting in strawberry fields, gelato in Italy, kissing a frog that'll turn into a prince, or even I dunno winning the lottery. However, I think I need to thank my sub-conscious mind for doing this to me. It's brutal, but I needed to see it. Sometimes you need to see things from the outside. You need to watch them in a sorta movie to see how messed up it is.

It's like when an artist will step back from their painting & stare it from a distance to see if it makes sense...

If your up too close...it's hard to see the way out. I'm out...I need to stay out of this drama. I love Lady Gaga's song, "Bad Romance", but I'm sorry...I don't want his drama, even if it would be free.

What a busy week this shall be. Mentally & physically. But I got hope that things are looking up. It may not have reached my dreams at night yet...but things are changing & I have to put that smile back on my face for the days to come. I'll be dreaming good dreams & getting the kisses from someone who will take the bad dreams away...one day.

Painting: "The kiss" by Gustav Klimt. One of my ultimate favs.


Jessica Lauren said...

Your blog is such a breath of fresh air, so delightful and joyous! A real source of inspiration, thank you for your many morsels of goodness.

If you have a moment or two, please amuse yourself with my new creation. I would greatly appreciate the brief moment of adoration and any suggestions.


Thank You.

Zek J Evets said...

for most situations that you aren't comfortable with i've found there are only two courses of action: if you can, get out before you get in too deep -- but if you're already in too deep, then the only thing you can do is make like Alice in Wonderland and go deeper. Life has no dead-ends, only detours.

forget about the mess. or don't. either way, the choice is ultimately up to you, and your dreams are your subconscious telling you that.

good post!

Leah said...

You deserve to have good pleasant dreams and I think you will, just be hopeful and stay positive.

The dreams about Mr Mess were signs for you to move on and let you realize that he was not meant for you. You've been dreaming about those negative stuff because you are still in pain.

Move on, be happy and let the good dreams begin.


I have to agree with Leah here...
Dream is quite a fascinating subject...let yours be a sweet one & in colors!

Leah said...

PS. Melanie, I have a blog give-away. Hope you can check it out.

I am the Leah up there, I just changed my profile pic. Hahaha!

Keith said...

It is always fascinating to hear about other people's dreams. It seems like we all have different things that we dream about. My dreams run the gamut. I might have some ordinary dream or some out of this world type of dream.

Jennifer Fabulous said...

That dream sounds just AWFUL. :( But you're right, I think that dream was you subconsciously showing yourself what Mess truly was inside. He didn't treat you right. I know when you're close to someone, it's hard to see their true colors completely because you're so clouded with emotion or judgement. So this dream was probably meant to be a wakeup call, to show you you are MUCH better off without him and deserve way better.
Sometimes I really hate when dreams are not so much fantasy, but a distorted reality. When I broke up with my ex (the first love of my life) I went months, having dreams where we got back together and we were so happy. Then I would wake up in the mornings and the realization that we were still broken up would literally make me sick. It was so painful and like someone kicked me in the gut. It made getting over him insanely difficult. :(
Sometimes I wish I could just dream about unicorns and flying in the sky and cupcakes singing and dancing around my bed. LOL!

Other than that horrid dream, I hope you are having a good week.

Susan R. Mills said...

I have those true to life dreams too. I think they are the worst because what you are dreaming could actually happen. You can't just wake up and say, Oh that was a crazy dream. That'll never happen. I hope tonight is filled with pleasant dreams for you.

woodlandsblonde said...

I am totally on the same page as you...I have dreams like that too...and you wake up and think it may or may not have happened. So weird! I too have a photographic memory...I think it makes dreams more vivid because you can recognize where you are and who you're with. I too have found myself silent in some of my dreams, unable to speak. But the last dream I had about my ex I got to speak...or yell...and I woke up...kind of wishing it had happened.

But it did...I got to talk to him the past couple of days face to face. And I did get a lot of that frustration out. I hadn't seen him for about a month until a couple days ago.

I understand what you mean about seeing it from an outside perspective..you really have to remove yourself from the situation to really see 'it'.

Definitely keep your head up!! Life's too short not to. Count your blessings, not your worries!!

Ice Queen said...

You probably don't want to hear this but that dream was actually a good sign. It means that you may be realizing that he wasn't good for you and that will help you move on. I've had these dreams before. It still hurts but it usually gets easier from this point on

bananas. said...

Oh lady, I always have dreams like that. Those false mewmory kind can be so confusing and you wonder why the hell your brain thought of that. I once dreamt that the bf was leaving me for an ugly chick corazona and iin my dream I asked that he still be with me while he was with her. Um what?! I would never!

Heather Rose said...

Don't apologize for not wanting his drama. It isn't your responsibility to deal with someone else's crap. The way I look at it, if both people in a relationship aren't putting the other person before themselves, it's not good. And if the bad outweighs the good? You deserve better, and you obviously know it. Mwah!

Anonymous said...

yes.. dreams can be that way.
sorry to hear you're in the same mood i've been in. a bit confusing to not be in the Christmas spirit.. but doing the best we can to deal. nice to know we're not alone though! hang in there.. and do hope you find yours!
many blessings,

Tights Lover said...

It's weird how dreams can mess with our heads sometimes. The important thing is how you feel when you're awake. If you know you're better without him than you are.

Jay Ferris said...

I'm sure Snoopy is dreaming of that one time him and Woodstock almost hooked up, but it just didn't feel right. Either that or something about eating cat poop -- dogs love doing that.

Bathwater said...

That is a bad dream and perhaps it is a phase, maybe the next phase is not to dream of him at all.

Snoopy was always dreaming, he was a day dreamer those are the best.

BTW- I should be surprised that you are a BTVS fans also.

Jennifer said...

I have had horrible dreams of a similar sort before. This guy, that I do not necessarily consider "talking to" but is still present in my life, was in a dream once. We were hanging out with some friends like we usually do, and he started to get close to me, like hold my hand and whatnot, and then suddenly would pull away as if he was disgusted by getting close to me, though he would never say it.

It got me thinking that sometimes he seems to only want to get close to me when it's convenient for him...

Now, I felt that way for at least a week after dreaming it... Kept mulling over this idea... Considered completely pulling away from the idea of him and I even "talking." Luckily, I saw him Monday night and we were hanging out with friends and he was anything but distant. He was so close and so sweet to me... I needed that...

Sometimes, even the most cynical of us, meaning myself, need the closeness of another... Even if it's just for a night.

robin_titan said...

I love this post, so sad but wow! I'm sorry to read that you have dreams like that. I just can't imagine how much that sucks. I usually just have crazy surreal dreams full of nonsense. I highly enjoy the ones where I fly though ;)
I hope you have happier dreams!

Little Ms Blogger said...

I find that my dreams are very revealing and have a message for me in them.

In the last 6 months of my 1st marriage, I kept having a recurring dream in which I was in a row boat on a kidney shaped pond. I was on one side of the jetty and a whale on the other. I knew the whale was on the other side and was hiding from it. In my dream, the whale didn't know I was there.

The whale was my marriage and once I asked my ex for a divorce, the dream stopped.

Take note of your dreams. They're telling you the ugly answers you know, but don't want to face.


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