I wonder what Snoopy is dreaming about here? Well I know what I'm dreaming about & I can't believe it. See my dreams are weird. I don't really ever have frivolous dreams like floating on top of a mountain, alien abductions, hippos, famous actors having lunch with me, or a crazy man dangling cheese in front of my face like in Buffy. Nope, not for me. Instead of have those almost real-life type dreams where you wake up & just for a moment hope that $20's you found in the dream is really on your nightstand. lol. I dreamt that once.
It's almost like my dreams are a false memory. It's extremely disorienting when you wake up because it plays back in my head when I wake up, like I'm desperately trying to remember what I did last night kinda like I'm forgetting it was just a dream. Perhaps it's because I have a photographic memory. I remember rooms, people's faces, what i see, not necessarily what I hear. Names...yeesh I'm bad with that. I don't know why.
The other night I dreamt something that should have been happy to dream but it just wasn't. It was literally almost like my mind was showing me how awful it truly was to be with the Mess (My Brown-Eyed Mr. Big Sorta Ex) so I could get over it. I was in a mall with him like I used to do with him, and then he turned to me & said, "Oh did we get everybody??". I responded, "Yeah it's just you & me". And he went to me, "Oh....right....you," with a look that he wasn't happy & was bored to be with me. The dream proceeded & he told me how he was dating this girl & that girl & going to call people to chill because I wasn't enough...It went on the dream & it was kinda like I was tied to the passenger seat in the car without a voice...I just sat there listening to the garbage, everything I said he never acknowledged...til I woke up.
Usually when he's in my dreams they're usually pleasant...even tho I haven't seen him in about a month & half. Now the dreams are like this one. Cold, awful, & leaves me waking up saying to myself..."Woa that was awful?? What was I thinking, sitting there in the dream doing nothing but listening to the crap???" Basically how the hell could I ever sit with him again & listen to him talk about the girls he'll date. I can't. He was my best friend...but I just can't pretend that I'm not hurt.
I wish I dreamt of sitting in strawberry fields, gelato in Italy, kissing a frog that'll turn into a prince, or even I dunno winning the lottery. However, I think I need to thank my sub-conscious mind for doing this to me. It's brutal, but I needed to see it. Sometimes you need to see things from the outside. You need to watch them in a sorta movie to see how messed up it is.
It's like when an artist will step back from their painting & stare it from a distance to see if it makes sense...
If your up too close...it's hard to see the way out. I'm out...I need to stay out of this drama. I love Lady Gaga's song, "Bad Romance", but I'm sorry...I don't want his drama, even if it would be free.
What a busy week this shall be. Mentally & physically. But I got hope that things are looking up. It may not have reached my dreams at night yet...but things are changing & I have to put that smile back on my face for the days to come. I'll be dreaming good dreams & getting the kisses from someone who will take the bad dreams away...one day.