Pardon me...

Pardon the sudden step out of blogger. Upon watching the movie, "Stranger than Fiction" with CJ the other day I got hit with a unicorn of motivation. My hands couldn't keep off the computer keys and a tale unfolded in my mind. No it's not for my zombie novel, but a new piece. The zombies running around in my head will not be forgotten just put aside for a lil while.

I love new projects...The possibilities are endless. You'll be sitting writing for an hour than suddenly two hours and the page count magically racks up. It's intoxicating and I want to be drunk with it. I'll definitely tell more details soon....

I'll be back tomorrow....

Changing Who You Are or Just Growing Up? You Decide...

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Upon entering and being in a relationship it is a natural thing to embrace the change it brings. The "I" becomes a “We”, you’ll watch the same shows, eat sometimes similarly, hang out with each other’s friends, and adapt to one another. I’m talking like matching hats changing (*I still can’t get over that ridiculous night*) because that is just creepy, but the subtle changes over time that affect both of you in the relationship. I know I’ve changed a lil bit in my relationship with CJ but I feel he thinks they are MAJOR changes while I don’t think so at all…I’ll explain…

He only drinks Coffee Mate French Vanilla creamer. I really could care less which one I drink but I do love French Vanilla. Solution: I keep Coffee Mate French Vanilla in my fridge. Cj likes to wind down at night by reading or playing a game before bedtime. I usually just go to sleep but sometimes I’ll watch TV right before. Solution: I’ll stay up extra with him because I really do love going to sleep with him because we cuddle before (I know, hold the aww’s lol). Sometimes tho I say fuck it and head right to sleep without him. If I haven’t seen him in a few days and then I know he’s busy the following day and If I have plans I’ll push them to the next day so I can see him…

Writing all that out it may seem to you that I have changed to cater him but those minimal things I don’t see as big changes at all. I think I’m just being a good girlfriend to be honest. I’ve been trying to make him more comfortable in my condo by buying food I know he likes. So what I changed coffee creamers? CJ thinks that I have changed for him and he doesn’t feel like that’s fair to me but with those small things as the changes I don’t see the big deal. Maybe he feels guilty because he hasn’t changed as much for me so he’s trying to make himself feel better by getting me to stop instead? I’m not sure, but I don’t think he realizes that when I tell him he is the first relationship where I’ve truly been myself I actually do mean that with all my heart.

When someone changes their hair if their bf or gf says they want it that way, loses weight because they call they’ve been called heavy, change their clothes to what the bf or gf likes, only listens to their significant others music, gives up hobbies to like only what they like, etc…THAT to me is changing. Not me. 

Perhaps he’s seeing me grow up more than when I first met him so he’s mistaking that as me changing for him? I’m four years younger than him and still have lots to learn especially becoming a homeowner. Of course I’m going to change. I'm not picking him over other friends, I'm not changing my shoes because he doesn't like them, I don't feel like I've changed the real me…hmmm…now how to tell him this? 

Today’s Question:

Have you changed since you’ve been in a relationship or did you just grow up within the relationship? 

Goodbye Social Life, Hello Fall TV Line-up!

I’ve always been victim to the hype of the Fall TV line-up but I usually stick to the old favorites. I blame Channel 11 WB for the habit because it started when I was in high school. Roswell, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Charmed, 7^th Heaven, Dawson’s Creek…I was stuck in front of the TV because the shows were too good!!! Yeah for changing of writers and loss of plot or I never would have wandered into the real world. Hehe. Just kidding.

Now this year it seems EVERY channel has a cool show that I really need to consider getting DVR because there will be no way to keep up! Here's what I just can't wait for!

1. The Ringer - Yes, Buffy's back in her old time slot! Here's the synoposis: "A young woman on the run from the mob poses as her wealthy twin sister to try and evade them, but soon discovers that her sister has a price on her head as well." via IMDB. I'm looking forward to this show so badly. Sarah Michelle Gellar is so talented and people have very high expectations of this new thriller. Can't wait!!

2. Pan Am - I will give this show at least two weeks because A) Christina Ricci and B) The costumes are going to be really cool! "Period drama about the pilots and flight attendants who once made Pan Am the most glamorous way to fly." via PAN AM IMDB If I was my age in the 60's I would definitely have wanted to be a stewardess.

3. Two Broke Girls - Advertised as the Modern "Laverne & Shirley." Rich girl loses money and has to move in with broke friend and they are both waitresses. It does star Kat Dennings and she is awesome so I'll give it a few episodes.

4. The New Girl - I actually got to watch the pilot of this episode because it was on my FREE On Demand and I have to say it's really funny! You have to have an appreciation for the movie, Dirty Dancing, tho. I think it's trying to be another show like "Happy Endings". Target audience both guys and girls in their mid-20's but it will be a girl show if it lasts. It looked promising!!

5. Once upon a Time - "Centers on a woman with a troubled past who is drawn into a small town in Maine where the magic and mystery of Fairy Tales just may be real." via IMDB I'm a sucker for fairy tales, plain and simple. I'll definitely watch the first few episodes. Ginnifer Goodwin I believe is supposed to be like Snow White and there is a modern evil queen. It looks too interesting to pass up!  

{Okay I'm going to have to stop it at 5 or maybe 6...}

6. American Horror Story - Honestly I don't know much about this show but it's going to be on FX and it's supposed to be creepy. I'll watch anything with Dylan McDermott for a lil while, at least.

So there you have it. Those will be the reasons I will give my friends when I disappear for a while. hehe.

What will You be Watching this Fall?

"We" is Now and "I" and I Have to Step Up to the Plate!

When I was hired at my new job in April I was still under the crutch of the last girl that was the marketing analyst. She was supposed to leave a year and change later. I've worked hard and she has tried to teach me how to do this position as smoothly and effiecently as possible. But now she has decided to change career paths a lil bit early and I will now be in that first chair spot ready to pounce at the next issue. Needless to say I have first day jitters all over again...BIG TIME.

I know I will go in there tomorrow morning bright and early, battle the Garden State Parkway traffic, and break a leg figuratively but I'm nervous. I know I will get the job done but the girl that left on Friday did the job so good. I need to do that job as good and better to make my lil footprint in this company. I have to step up to the plate and roll with the big boys. It is true that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince, and it is equally as true that you have to have many mediocre jobs to prepare you for that big break. I've never been more thankfully to have worked at my last job for so many years. Without it, I don't think I would have the courage to go in their tomorrow with my head held high. Also my family and CJ...they are totally in my corner and I need them now more than ever! Yeahh...I can do this!!

I'm watching the movie, "Morning Glory" for a lil boost in motivation. It's a cute lil movie where a girl doesn't give up on her dream. She goes against adversity and saves the day! I need and will do that! Big breath, lots of water, and a smile on my face. Okay...tomorrow is going to rock!!

Wish me luck!! 

We will never forget....

{This is the same post as last year because there is nothing else to write...this says it all}

We will never forget. This is a photo I took of one of the beams at the Franklin Ave Elementary School. In Pearl River, NY every school has a beam. My high school has 2 beams. The next town over has 1 beam in a courtyard in the center of town.

I remember on September 11th being in gym class around 8:40am. I'll never forget one of the other students saying to me that plane looks a lil low...and we heard the noise of a plane overhead. It might have been one of the planes. I looked up and it was eerie, reallly eerie. I finished the soccer game, ran to change back into my clothes, and then ran to Mr. Licht's class. I mean ran, because I was late. I ran up the 3 stories of stairs from the gym to the Math Wing all out of breath and when I entered the classrom everyone was sitting and Mr. Licht saw me and said Oh good now everyone is here. I sat down out of breath & Mr. Licht said, "Just to let all of you know there was a terrorist attack on the World Trade Centers a few minutes ago." I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. We finished class for 42 minutes and then I went to Latin. There I found out that the buildings collapsed. Mrs. Probst was on the phone with her husband and she said it out loud for us all to here. My high school is about 20 minutes from the George Washington bridge just outside Manhatten, so we were in a lock down. My memory is fuzzy of the exact moments but I remember falling out of my chair at some point or I missed the chair of those horrific desks that have the chair glued to it. No one noticed. When I left Latin I thought the world had gone nuts. I heard that the Sears tower had been hit that there were planes at the Pentagon and soo much other stuff. A friend's father worked in the building but for some reason he didn't go to work that day.

Next thing I know I was walking to the main office to call my mom but my mom was already there. It was like she just appeared out of no where. I didn't have a cell phone back then so it literally was her appearing from behind the line of buses. I remember running to her because she got let out of her job and they told her to get your kids and go sit in your basement. We went home and watched it on the TV for days. I don't think I'll ever see people walk out of Manhatten so calmly again in my entire life. I think I watched Spongebob Squarepants on Nickelodeon because it was the only TV channel that was still broadcasting other things.

What boggles my mind is the people that for some reason didn't go to work that day. My friend's dad didn't go in. Some people were stuck in traffic. Some people were sick that day. Others just didn't go to work. I luckily didn't have any family that was killed or injured but I know of soldiers that from my high school and friends that have served to fight against terrorism. It's just...Our whole world changed that day.

I've been to Ground Zero and it's just...there are no words to describe. On the road I used to go my college on you used to be able to see the towers of light they did in memoriam. I remember when i was a cheerleader and we had away games in Westchester county you could look out from the Tappan Zee Bridge and see New York City. It's the eeriest & sadest thing in the world to not see the Twin Towers because I always tried to look and see them whenever we by. I was going to go have lunch on top of them for my 16th birthday but I got sick and me and my parents didn't go.

All I can think about is that scene in the movie Signs where the lil boy says, "All the history books are going to change".

I remember asking my parents where they were when Kennedy was shot years ago when I studied it. My mom was in sewing class & hmm can't remember where my dad was and When my future child one day asks me where I was when the World Trade Centers went down Ill tell them the above answer and give them a hug shortly after.

 Where were you? What will you tell your children when they ask? 


Blessings to all the families and lives that the day irrevocably changed. We will never forget. R.I.P. I hope one day the war on terrorism will end. I hope. 

It’s Not Really Lying, It’s Just Withholding Information...

I’m all for airing your dirty laundry to your significant other because you never know when it will bounce back and bite you in the ass. BUT even with that said, there are things that I have never discussed with CJ. I haven’t exactly lied to him about certain people or events but I’ve most definitely withheld information. It’s nothing horrendous or life changing that I’ve kept from him…just a few minute details that are so minimal it doesn’t matter. Some I’m embarrassed about, like an ex-fling long before I met him, or my secret love for uncooked pie crust. I really should have told him about the ex-fling because the guy reared his ugly head when CJ and I first started dating but it was so in the past I didn’t care to mention it. I don’t think any of these things I’ve kept are groundbreaking…so no harm no foul.

However I do have two friends that have kept secrets from their boyfriends and I’m a lil lost at what to tell them. One friend I think she needs to tell her boyfriend that she has a darker side to her. She will put on this act of almost a “Stepford Wife” type and won’t let the guy see the real her. Well if she winds up this guy, eventually the real her is going to break through. I don’t think it’s fair to her or the boyfriend to keep up this charade. It’s almost like the guy would be falling in love with a fake…I’ve told her to let the guy into her craziness because it might make him love her a lil more. That is something I would tell the boyfriend…

The other friend it’s a lil more sensitive of a matter. She had gastric bypass surgery for health reasons and has decided to not tell her boyfriend until later in their courtship. I’m torn whether to tell her to tell him or not. I understand why she hasn’t told him, because it is a very sensitive matter and it’s almost like you have to come to terms with things yourself before you can disclose it to someone else. I was apprehensive to tell CJ about my breast surgery to remove the fibroids but I bit the bullet and told him. With my friend however, it’s a completely other matter. I think she does need to tell him one day and eventually I believe she will but I think she needs to realize it won’t change her bf’s view of her. He loves her to no end and worships the ground she walks on, so I don’t think it will affect their relationship. But it’s her choice and one I will be supportive of it as a friend. Once again tho, it might make him love her a lil more because she was so strong during the process…

When I tell CJ about past things, he’s very “Well I’m glad it happened because it made you into the girl I feel in love with it.”  He sometimes boggles my mind how he can be such a great boyfriend. Aren’t we all just people wanting someone to love us back? I think so….

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Today’s Question:

What would you do? Have you told your Significant Others your past stories?

Withheld any Information….?

Don’t be “THAT” Person, Okay? It Will Cost You Friends…

Twenty-somethings are notorious for their big groups of friends, having “The” bar they always hang out at, and routine outings. BUT all of this changes when a certain event happens. One of the group will meet someone to date. We’ve all done it, it’s okay to admit it…drop your friends for the first few days or weeks of the new relationship. It’s COMPLETELY understandable that those first dates are going to be one-on-one time with the new person and then slowly but surely the couple will integrate back into the groups of friends and hang out. However then you have “those” friends who drop everybody except for the new significant other and you never see them again….that really should be unacceptable friend behavior. I mean it…

Recently CJ got a few buddies of his together to start the promise of a band. They were all excited for their jamming sessions and I was a 110% supportive of this change. They had a few songs they all agreed on to work with and the reality of true possibility was staring them in the face. Alas, it was staring them in the face. The lead guitarist met a girl…

It’s very soon to say if this will be the downfall of this band dream but I’ve seen this happen countless times before. An ex-friend of mine, the second he got a girlfriend, dropped all of his friends & a film-making dream and only hung out with her friends. CJ’s best friend Sean only hangs out with the girlfriend and her friends. Another instance here and yet another instance there. It’s an epidemic. 

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I’m hoping that this isn’t the case with CJ’s band. He was so happy about the band and like me the winter is not kind to our emotions. We both have seasonal effectiveness disorder and I thought this could be his light for the dark winter.  Mine will be my novel that will be done this winter. His should be his music. There is another band member that CJ hasn’t really talked to yet about the other’s “new girlfriend” so I wonder if two against one will push the other guy to do some very serious time management so they all won’t hate him. Lol.

Guys will be guys tho. I don’t know…I’m wishing CJ some luck in all of this. Lots of luck! 

*Crossing my Fingers*

Today’s Question:

Have You Had a Friend Disappear into a Relationship? Do You Think There is Anyway to Prevent it?

New Relationship Milestone for Me...A BIG ONE!

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Oh Labor Day Weekend...you were ever so much fun! Too short tho...definitely. While one friend is now engaged, another takes a pregnancy test, a new one starts a new relationship, and well for me...Cj and I declared that we are going to move in together!! Amongst the other drama, while folding a blanket for a drunk friend who stayed on my couch, Cj and I came to terms that we will be taking that next step! Our drunk friend was like "Aww I just witnessed a relationship milestone...yay!" Yup and all I have to say is..."Woohoo!"

It isn't going to be tomorrow or next week but it will be soon other than later. Now my shower liner blogpost is really important to me. Cj tho had a big car repair bill a lil while ago so when he finishes paying for that we are going to take that plunge. Right now he's actually sitting on my couch playing a video game...I guess this a taste of the real life living together. It's awesome by my standards. I'll have to always keep French Vanilla Coffeemate in the fridge but I can more than do that! ;)

This will definitely change things for him and me. Our identities, I think, are going to be the most in jeopardy. CJ and I have become a "we" and an "us" but we can't forget who each other are deep down. We mustn't change who we truly are in this whole process. I've often felt that I've lost myself a lil in this relationship but even just acknowledging that helps me bring it all back to focus. There has to be a happy medium of understanding, compromise, and listening to each other's needs and above all else, sharing. Of course there's been other 2 only children couples that have lived together but this might be a challenge for us sometimes. However I'm up for the challenge. This is going to be an awesome test run for the rest of our lives...I'm strangely comfortable with that.

 I wonder tho if he'd bring his cat....erm...we definitely have to talk about specifics...definitely.

I wish I had his and hers sinks but that could be a goal for the future. The future...I smile a lil bit more brightly about it. Cj at some point this weekend told me he loves me a lil more each day and it erased the noisy bar around me and all I saw was him and all I felt was his kiss. I love him so very much and maybe this move is exactly what we need right now...Maybe....

Well here's today's question:

 What's something I SHOULD KNOW about him or SHOULD ASK him about before the move in? What's been your experiences?

What a Pleasant Surprise!

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I knew it was coming soon but how awesome that it was today! One of my best friends just got engaged! I'm so happy for her I can't begin to tell you. They are in a horse-drawn carriage in Central Park and her bf popped the question. He even before asked her Mom for Erin's hand in marriage. I think this is so romantic and I can't wait to see the ring! Congrats Erin if your reading! =)

Now I have two weddings to go to sooner than later. I'm curious to find out who will be next...My cousin got engaged a few weeks ago and now my best friend. Maybe I'll catch the bouquet in one of the weddings ;). hehe. 

That's actually how my parents met btw. My Mom caught the bouquet at her college roomate's wedding and low and behold that was my father's cousin so he got lucky enough to catch the garter. My Mom has told me that my father gave her a kiss after putting the garter on her that went right to her toes. I've always loved their story. Their first date was to see Star Wars...too cute.

What a great way to kickoff the weekend! All my plans are up in the air so who knows what the next few days will hold. I'm going to throw on the wall and see what sticks! Do you all have any cool plans?

I gotta get finished to go meet up with Cj...catch you all soon! =)

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Miss Independent...Well Are You Really Independent, My Dear?

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I have had the privilege for the past few weeks to be friends with the CEO of my father’s company’s daughter from Austria, Hannah, and Wow I’ve learned some interesting things. She deserves a post of her own because the subtle differences between U.S. and Europe are so awesome that I have to tell you. (i.e. Squirrels are still squirrels but they are  different colors there!) But amongst the weeks there is one issue that keeps coming up that opened a whole new door of misconception and different understanding. Being an independent woman. 

Now I don’t mean government differences and bans of this or that, I mean how you, personally view yourself. I know we all rocked out to Kelly Clarkson’s “Miss Independent” and Destiny Child’s “Independent Women” for Charlie’s Angel’s but are you really an independent woman? Hannah came here and if you asked her about herself she would say she was very independent and loves doing her own thing. But here in America, a foreign country to her, where things are so different like having to have a car to drive everywhere she’s had to give up her independence of living on her own in Vienna with mass transit at her fingertips always. When she returns home she is no longer going to live with her boyfriend but live with her grandmother so she again is losing that independence she once had. Also her college years are finishing up so in her “independent” decisions she is now dependent on the experiences to guide her. It’s a whole new ballgame.

She turned to me last Saturday and asked, “How do you do it? You have your own car, your own apartment, and a boyfriend with a good head on his shoulders…how did you get so lucky to be independent?” I know part of it is the cultural difference and that she isn’t home asking me this, but I really didn’t realize how much of an individual I am. Even tho my parents live a few condo doors up from me, my Mom still pays for my car insurance (I really need to change that), I’m still in the same town I grew up in, I guess I am a real-life independent woman who does what she wants, goes where she wants, and sees who and what she wants.

I asked a few of my friends what makes them feel like they are their own person and one said to me, “Well, Mel, you’re not an independent woman anymore because your in a relationship”. Ironically one of the things that Cj tells me he loves about me most is that I'm independent. But I'm drawing a blank. Others I've asked are like, "I guess your one but you still live near your parents." I don't think that has ANYTHING to do with who I am as a person. They don't buy me meals, they don't pick out my clothes...pick who I date or love or what I do with my Saturday nights. So why throw it my face? I'm at a loss...

What truly is a modern Independent Woman these days? 

I'd love to hear what you think?

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