It’s brought to me attention the other night by my boyfriend that I’m still nervous around him. Naturally after knowing someone and dating them for 10 months they are going to pick up on your lil nervous habits and notice when you are doing them constantly. One of mine is talking too much. I have a bad habit of talking his ear off about everything under the sun BUT I don’t know if I’m really nervous around him or I might just be nervous about what I’m talking about…I’ll explain.
Of course I am a nervous about my relationship because this is the first time in my entire life where I’m in a healthy relationship that’s really working out. It’s healthy, we don’t really fight, we’re not cheating on each other, I’m happy to see him when I do, we are building a life together and I’m nervous because this is COMPLETELY UNKOWN TERRITORY FOR ME! Things are working out so forgive me if I want it to keep it that way and sometimes it can be stressful to be here, there, make decisions affecting both of us, and making sure each of us are still happy.
I’m nervous because eventually I want to ask him to move in with me into my condo but it might be too small for both of us so in that it might create a problem. I’m nervous that when we do fight it will be about something big and it might tear us apart. I’m nervous for those nights that cater to certain darkened room activities because I have put on a lil weight and I guess I’m self-conscious. I know he loves me and my curves but I wish I was a lil toner. I’m nervous that I’ve already told him a story, but for the life of me I can’t remember telling it so he’ll get mad that I’m repeating myself.
But aren’t these all normal reasons to be nervous?
Also on the other side of all of this my life has been going through a 360 spin with the job and condo so the stuff I’m talking about is nerve-wracking. He might be thinking that ALL the nervousness is about him but it’s not. Also it doesn’t help that we both have A.D.D so our attention spans can be thin. He might have switched to the next topic where I’m still fretting about it or vise versa so in that he might think I’m nervous about him when I’m not.
I guess a solution to all of this is to stop talking so much to him, but then I’ll feel like I’m not being open and honest when I’m saying an abridged portion of stories. I have to be more secure in myself and my choices too, but that doesn’t come over night. I gotta work on a few things but I think its good that a guy still makes you nervous right? I see it as a good nervous…not a bad. I’m nervous for the good things that are going to happen. That’s okay, right?