There comes a time in a relationship where you will start to frustrate one another and eventually blow up at each other. Everyone keeps telling me that it is perfectly natural. Well they’re right. But the queasy feeling because of it in the pit of your stomach may not go away at the end of the fight…it might linger. This is what happened to me this weekend.
That “Something is not right” feeling boiled in the back of my head and I was trying to simmer the flames by watching a lite movie. I know I keep coming back to this movie but I was watching “Eat Pray Love”. I had just finished the book so I wanted to watch the movie. There is a certain scene where she talks about the physics of two people. When something is constant and then changes, for example if one person starts pulling away, of course the other person will try excessively to keep that person. That person might seem needy, clingly, and will try WAY TOO HARD to be with the other and it will in turn backfire.
Then the lightbulb over my head turned on…
On Saturday night, CJ and I were sitting in my condo; him doing his own thing and I was do a suduko puzzle when the words just popped out of my mouth,
“Hey hun, can I tell you something?” He knods to me. “You know how you’ve been playing on the computer so much and wanting me to do my own thing while we are still chilling? Well I think it’s making me feel like your pulling away from me and I think the reason why I’ve been so nervous around you is because of that and it’s making me try extra hard maybe to an extreme to be this perfect girlfriend but I really just want to know what's up?”
To which CJ looked up to me and said,
“This moment is why I love you as much as I do. Mel I’m just stressed and tired and maybe I’m taking it too far. I'll try to not be so distant and tell you more about what's going on with me. You care so much about our relationship and me and I’m not used to having a girlfriend that cares as much as you do. I never had that. I love that thought about how to help. It shows how much you care. I just want to chill out sometimes together without having it always be like a date and trust me I’m not going anywhere. I love you baby.”
And there you have it. I condensed a lot our words but more or less that’s what happened. He came over to me and kissed me after and that aching feeling I had in my chest left. I felt so much better and I think he does too. We were able to talk about things like two rational adults and figure out what the problem was. I’m so happy that we worked out the kinks and you’re all right; fighting or argumentatively discussing can bring you closer as a couple if you communicate and make your true feelings known. Sometimes you need to look to an outside source for solutions and trust me it works.
I’m definitely letting out that big breathe I was holding…him too.