Thursday, June 17, 2010

The "M" word...


What to write about when your world is so all over the place? hmm let's see. But see it’s not just me who is pulling her hair out. In the past 24 hours I’ve heard from 3 friends & relatives that them too have been confronted or touched by that “M” word we all have thought about since lil girls. Marriage. I guess this is the season for it.

For starters my brush with marriage: Cj wants to know after a month if I think there is a potential between us to go to marriage. It’s throwing me for a loop but I will talk to him tomorrow & try to be as honest as possible with him. (Thank you everyone for your advice!) Also I will try to have this conversation not in his car where I felt cornered & NOT after a few drinks. I have to try to tell him this is all new to me. A guy who actually is romantic & cares & who says what’s on his mind is unbelievably new. I need time, just a lil time.

Now onto the others…I find it so cool that 5 people can be confronted by the same thing yet in all different ways…hear me out.

#1: My cousin Elizabeth: I found out today she got engaged! I actually am so happy for her. She’s my second cousin through marriage but I still love her & can’t wait to go to the wedding. She is so lovely & deserves a wonderful man. I’ve never met her fiancée but they’ve known each other 2 years & her family loves him. She has such a wonderful smile & I hope its shining through. I wish her all the best!

#2: My friend Debra: Well her mom is basically doing the whole, “Your 25 & not married what the hell is going on?” Hate to say it like that but its true. I don’t know when 25 became an old or 30 for that matter. She’s basically taking it all at her own pace, she does have a prospective boyfriend & maybe her moving out of her parent’s house will help the relationship along? Maybe? But the pressure of it is there.

#3: My friend Danielle: Her mom is terrified that Dani will marry her boyfriend. See its all the same subject just different ordeals. Her mom doesn’t like the boyfriend & just found out that Danielle & him have been dating for 4 years & are moving up to Albany together. (Very long story for another day). Her mom is barely speaking to her. I’m upset about it but sometimes you can’t help who you fall in love with. It just happens.

Whew! So we got one marriage-crazed boy pushing me, a real engagement, one mom wanting marriage, & then one mom dreading her daughter getting married. You can’t win can you? We all going to try to be there for one another but it’s just funny how all at once it’s happening. Unexpected drama to make you cringe when you hear your phone go off. I think everyone needs to calm down lately about it all. The pressure on all of us is so great how can we even have a reasonable thought? Its very hard to.
But this is the process of growing up. Learning & trying new things & taking leaps & stepping back. It will all work out one day…I know it will.

Have any of you had a brush with marriage lately? As you can see it comes in all shapes & forms. Hehe. =)

28 comments:

Michelle said...

Jordan and I always get asked when we're going to get married, and the pressure has only increased since we moved in together! I hate hearing those questions, especially from his overly pushy family!

911 and the Randomness.. said...

My marriage anniversery is coming up, My sister got engaged (awesome guy), and my friend just went to the court house to get married on a whim..
It must be in the air!!!

Erika ~TiptoeButterfly~ said...

a few friends of mine got engaged last week (i think it was or the week before) .. i'm ALL gun-ho for them! .. i'm literally the type of person who can be happy for anyone! - marriage for me "isn't" for me (as of now) ..

i have a friend who's parents are ALL over her, "when r u getting married" - THANK GOD i don't have that ANY WHERE in my life! - well maybe my grandma a lil - but that's it! *phew*

i'm 30 - and a TON of my friends are going through their 1st divorce now - so i figure i missed that boat - whoohooo ... and i LOVE kids - but i dunno if i wanna be a "mom" just yet, ur life REALLY is over when u become one - i see it ALL the time ..

and yea cornered in a car with that convo - that's a toughy!

*kiss kiss*
Happy Weekend!
Erika
~Tiptoe Butterfly~

Jennifer said...

ha luckily i haven't gotten there yet... good luck... :| ha

Rachel said...

Wow. That's a whole lot of stuff about marriage going on lately! It's kinda crazy. I'm only 21 and I definitely don't plan to get married anytime soon, so no brushes with marriage for me lately. Lol.

JUST ME said...

If your new guy (congrats by the way!) is truly sane and indeed nice, he won't think it's weird at all that you need more than a MONTH to decide if you'd like to get hitched. :)

Marriage is touching me all the time these days. I wish it would keep it's hands to itself...

tess said...

thank god I haven't had a brush with marriage yet, it all sounds so overwhelming

however situation 3 is similar to something a good friend of mine is going through. our mother's are friends and I guess her mom told my mom (woah this sounds complicated haha) that she really didn't like her daughter's boyfriend because even though my friend is going to have a good career as a marine biologist her mother still thought she should marry someone that could provide for her and her current boyfriend wants to be a teacher in inner city schools which wasn't "Good enough" oh boy haha

just remember even with all of the pressure, do what is best for you, there is no "right" age

woodlandsblonde said...

It's pretty much ridiculous how much the M word has come up lately. And I found out last weekend my best friend wants me to be a bridesmaid! I'm really excited for her :)

But here's the deal Mel - the boy you're DATING has not proposed to you. It's normal to talk about it and put it on the table because that may mean he really values your relationship- he may not be ready to pop the question. You need TIME to get to know each other.

Don't let outside events make you feel pressured. Just because the M is all around you - doesn't mean you're in the same boat! Keep in mind that marriage, babies, and engagements happen - but that doesn't mean that you are ready to do any of the above or should feel pressured in anyway.

Deep breath, take this one slow girl!!

Silver Strands said...

Well Melanie, I can tell you that our marriage has been a lovely rollercoaster. 28+ years and I wouldn't trade any of it - event he tough stuff.
oxox
Denalee

nycgirl0501 said...

Went through the same thing at your age. Everyone you know will get married. I didn't & I survived. Frankly I don't really think marriage is for me.

I want to meet a man and fall in love, commit to each other and have a family. I don't need the legal/church thing. I don't want the big 30K party because if I every had 30K I'm not feeding other people with that money. Um no!

So let others do what fits for them, celebrate them as a friend should and make your own decision for what works for you. Tell what's his name that you need time to know him before you can talk marriage. Or just tell him what you really feel about marriage.

P.S. When to dinner with 3 of my married friends last weekend one literally said she hates her husband and the other two were full of complaints. Me I listened politely, let them vent and told them about all the fun things I'm doing. Life is different for all of us. Find what makes you happy.

Katy Mary said...

Well I'm getting married next year so that's my brush with it. Definitely talk to the boy though and tell him to relax a bit! There's no rush!

Leah said...

The M word... I wish I didn't heard about that so I would be a fabulous single forever. Hahaha!

Melanie, don't forget me when you decide to take the plunge... I will be your wedding photographer. xoxo

Happy weekend sweetie! :-)

C'est La Vie said...

i've got 2 more weddings to go to this summer, alread been to 2 in the last month. it must be in the water...

Bathwater said...

Well if it IS in the water like Sara says I'm drinking the cool-aid made from distilled water instead. Take your time, time, time.

Fashionista- I am your fashion mannequin said...

lovely blog!!

xoxo

Diana Mieczan said...

Me and Balazs are asked all the time when we get married...We are together over 10 years and only now we are talking about making it legal:) ...I have 6 wedding to attend this summer....A lot, huh?
Kisses sweetie and enjoy your weeked...That top photo is so funny:)
Muah

βe said...

Wow, marraige, that's a really big step. But if your not ready to get married, and he loves you, he should understand. It's like testing wether or not your meant for each other (i mean declining maraige and seeing what he will do)

Constructive Attitude said...

oh god. im sooooooooo tired of the marriage thing, you have no idea!

p.s. please check your inbox (yahoo). I emailed you.

angel6033 said...

oh the pressures of marriage!! :(

Bailey Morrison said...

my marriage is ending very soon. does that count? haha. great post :)

Audrey Allure said...

Haha interesting, I'm sort of in a similar boat as you. My boyfriend & I have been together for almost 2 years and he's already expecting us to live together & grow old together & he's actually the one talking about weddings haha.

knk said...

intresting post

elledee said...

I know what you mean, the m word is all around me as well. I think I'm going to 8 weddings this summer!

Good luck figuring out what you want to say!

Sarah said...

haha, everyone seems to be getting married this summer. I still don't know what to think about it all, i'm totally for marriage, just not blowing all your money on a wedding that you won't really remember and would be totally embarassing!
xxx

Kristin said...

I was nowhere near ready to be married to settle down at 25. Everyone has their own path!

Mouthwash said...

I like the 3 different situations of the "M" word here. 3 Completely different situations!

You've been with a guy for only a month and he's already bringing it up? Is he 30? Or are you his first gf?? I say RUN.

Amber
ambersmouthwash

Sheri said...

I don't even have a boyfriend... so sadly, no :( Feels like my life for that is slipping away, it sucks lol :(

Melissa Blake said...

Melanie, sounds like you've got a good one there!! Do let us know how things go! :)

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