Finally I feel like I’ve joined the 21st Century!!

After years & years of wanting one I finally bought one! I am the proud owner of an Ipod Classic!! Ever since my college roommate Danielle got one in like 2005 I’ve wanted one. Not going to Las Vegas has freed up a lil extra money I had been saving so I bought it yesterday. I actually do have a vacation trip in the works so I'll tell you all about it later in the week! I was going to get an Ipod Touch with 32GB but I realized for less the money I could get 160GB. I’m completely comfortable with not being able to touch the screen. Lol.

Now this is where I need your help everyone!! Okay so I bought a new laptop about a year ago but I’ve been hesitant to use Limewire or Bit Torrent so I have like no music on laptop at the moment. I’ve been using Playlist.com at work to play some tunes but now I gotta REMEMBER EVERY SONG I USED & STILL LIKE TO DOWNLOAD!! It’s going to take me forever downloading everything but I’m ripe for the challenge! Now your part…

What songs do you think I must have on my ipod? What’s your favorite songs to rock out to on your ipod or phone?
I’ve already downloaded some of the New Moon & Twilight soundtracks, I got the Spice Girls & the Backstreet Boys, some Black Eyed Peas, some Rancid & Nine Inch Nails, AFI, My Chemical Romance, Reel Big Fish, Gorillaz, Yes, Aerosmith…but that’s all only about 30 songs. I have enough room for 16,000 songs so keep rolling with the tunes suggestions!! I like almost everything! I’m all ears……

It's times like these you learn to live again....

This weekend seemed like it was a year long because I just did so much & a decision changed my life. A bar concert, meeting CJ’s best friend, Dim Sum in NYC china town with CJ, getting lost in the city looking for parking, going to the Metropolitan museum of Art, wine & pizza, & then 2 family parties of Cj’s all in 3 days. But after all of that I now have a boyfriend. A real facebook status, “In a relationship” boyfriend. I haven’t had a real boyfriend where it wasn’t just a drama disaster or even where we called each other boyfriend & girlfriend since I believe 2003. Yeah I know that’s a long time. After the weekend we had, CJ asked me if he had scared me away from all his family parties he took me too & was like I really like you & I don’t want to be rejected & I want you to be in my life…so I just blurted out,

“Of course you didn’t scare me away, I would love to be your girlfriend.”
Early on Sunday we had that awkward conversation of, “Hey Mel what do I introduce you as.” I had said just tell them I’m the girl your dating. Went in dating, came out a couple. It was a great moment & there was even fireworks at the end of the night. Hehe.

Fourth of July festivities started this weekend so we got to lay on grass later & see an awesome fireworks & walk through the crowds holding hands. I never thought I was the girl who would like that but I guess I am. Our conversations flow, we like the same music, same movies, our parents know each other already so that’s half the battle, & we haven’t even had an argument yet!! *Knock on Wood*

I actually think I got the best compliment ever from CJ:

“I’m shocked that even after a month of dating you’re not a psycho. I’m not used to that.”
Apparently girls where we live are psychos? Nahh. I thought it was funny. Saturday at the Metropolitian museum was amazing. I want to spend hours & hours there looking in all the rooms & seeing all the beautiful works of art. It’s like you see one gorgeous sculpture & then bam you turn the corner & that goes right out the window because its more beautiful then you can imagine. There is even an Egyptian temple there that took my breath away. Gorgeous. CJ & I walked through the whole first floor & to tell you guys how big it is it took us at least 3 hours. Uh-huh that long. =)


So what to do now? Enjoy. I told CJ that he’s about 80 steps ahead of me while I’m 10 steps into the relationship so I hope we can meet somewhere in the middle & enjoy one another’s companionship at least for a lil while. This is still all new to me. Having a guy who wants to be near me, who will steal a kiss from me when I’m not looking, a guy who wants to show me to his family, a guy who is content with watching a zombie movie, eating pizza, & drinking wine, & someone who told me, “To me your perfect.” It’s surreal to me still to say “Boyfriend”…I look forward to getting used to it. =)


I recently received 2 awards by lovely ladies & I will do them later in the week. It’s so hot here so I’m grateful for air conditioning. Work has been crazy too. I have been handed a big project but I’m going to head into it head first. Everything is so new, but its working. I’m loving times like these….

Title of Post: Lyrics from “Times like these” by the Foo Foo Fighters.

Well this is growing up...

Only yesterday I was singing a "Part of your World" from The Little Mermaid...& then the 20 some odd years of my life rushed back to me. When we're little we want to grow up so badly & I still am SO glad I'm 24 not 4 or even 14 but sometimes I wish I was back to those ages because making decisions is one of the hardest thing a grown-up has to do. Decisions that will affect our well-being, our bank accounts, & pretty much all aspects of our physical & mental lives.

Last night I made a decision Not to go to Las Vegas for vacation because the friend I would go with would literally drain my bank account & drive me completely insane.

I'm happy in my decision to not go to Vegas & maybe do a smaller trip to the Jersey shore or Canada or go to the Poconos in PA( my aunt has a house there) because I work wayy to hard for my money & I don't believe I'd have fun with my friend. Her & I are from two different worlds. I can't do it. I just can't. I also don't trust her & her ways of thinking deserve a post of their own so I just don't live in the fantasy world that she does. If I stay somewhere local I won't need a vacation from my vacation. I'm not made of money & I think she is basically. It sucks but I'm going to try & make the best of it!


Cj & I are going into New York City tomorrow to go to either the Metropolitian Museum of Art of the Natural History Museum. I'm excited. I want to show him the Ghostbusters Fire House while were there & go to Canal Street & China Town & Little Italy &....there is so much to do there & I think I'll enjoy the day with him EVER so much more than that Vegas trip that has me panicing. Vacation is not supposed to be filled with panic or dreading that next credit card bill. You want to enjoy yourself & be happy. I'm trying for that goal.

My favorite fortune cookies are the ones that say like, "You will be happy for many moons" or the ones that are like, "You will cherish your moments" or "Walk smart & be healthy." It makes me smile. I want a happy life & a happy fortune & can't be bogged down by ridiclousness. Reconignition of drama before it crosses your path has become my mission lately so I can avoid it. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that it all pans out! It's all a part of growing up...*Hoping*

I hope you all have a great weekend! Keep hydrated & have some fun!! =)

Oh so I fell into a movie today...

So today I fell into a movie. I say that because I got déjà vu of it & was like Omg, really?? I’m in this movie???? There is a movie called “As Good as it Gets” & well I stepped right into it. There is a scene where Helen Hunt demands of Jack Nicholson a compliment. He goes on to describe that he hates taking his OCD medicine, but to like her & be with her, he took his medication. He tells her, “You make me want to be a better man.” Cj told me this today that he hates the quitting smoking medication but to be a better person for me & to work to keep me he has started taking the pills. I’m blown away by it. He said he was trying to quit but I pushed him over the edge with wanting to do it. I think he really likes me.

Second movie is those mean chick flicks where you see the ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend & then your heart falls to the pit of your stomach. Yup, out tonight with Erin & CJ I saw the Mess’s girlfriend with her friends. BUT wait…Where the fuck was he???? Wednesday is his night off….why weren’t they together? It was odd. I don’t care but it threw me for a loop. I hate that he somehow is still haunting me. He’s the last thing on my mind & then Bam…the girlfriend walks by. Whatever, I didn’t like this part of the movie.


Third is “How to lose a guy in 10 days” because CJ basically told me that I have pushed all his stereotypes about women out the door. He even mentioned this movie. He was like I have never gone out with a girl with looks, brains, able to keep a conversation, not be materialistic all the time, & someone he wants to have around. I guess he’s expecting the love fern type of a girl, with the dog, & the girl stuff everywhere, not me. I think if I was leaving he would do an end of the movie crazy moment to get to me that somehow miraculously works. I hope its not hang gliding or riding a cheetah to get to me tho.

Also I feel like I’m in the “Sisterhood of the traveling pants” where all my friends who are girls are in different stages of our lives & are off doing our own thing in different parts of the state. One just got engaged, one just moved upstate New York to start a new job, one just started a new relationship, & one just bought her first home. We all have common bonds but I wish we all have that pants & wrote to each other so we feel like we’re still connected somehow.

Life is not a movie but it seems awfully close sometimes! At least I’m not in a zombie movie or a ghost story, thatd be weird. Hehe. Oh well….Maybe I’m secretly in a Disney princess movie? Nah….

”Don’t look back…you can never look back…” - “Boys of Summer”

I just keep going & going & going.....

Ever feel like the Energizer bunny where you keep going & going & going & never stop? Seriously that has been my days lately. They are blending & I know I’ve slept a lil but it just seems like I barely have time to even sit & have breakfast. Yesterday was the longest day of the year & oh man I felt it. I’ve reached a new level in my life…See how much I can cram into one day. For example yesterday. I went to work & added 200 products online to Amazon.com, went to the bank, paid my Victoria Secret bill in the store, shopped in Express cuz I had a coupon, went to dinner with CJ & his mom over the river, went to view my friend Debra’s new apartment, read the submissions for my writer’s group, watched the Real housewives of New Jersey, & then somehow crawled into bed around 11pm. I might have A.D.H.D. because that’s an awful lot to do.

Actually I think I do have A.D.H.D., Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, because I can do all of that & more in one day. Telling CJ about what I do in a day makes his head spin. I actually made him a list of all the dramas in my life because it was too complex & I do too much in a day. I live like 5 lives in a day. I was called hyper-active when I was younger but I thought I grew out of it. Maybe I didn’t. Is it normal to do a thousand things in one day? Or is it just the job of being a young woman in her 20’s? You always will be pulled in a million directions & will have a half a million things on your checklist.


The only thing I wish would happen in my massive marathon running to complete all the things I have to do in a day is lose some weight. I’m starting to get the “Boyfriend Tire” as I’ve heard its referred to. Yeah know the 10 pounds you gain from all the eating out?? I haven’t had any time to go to the gym lately & I’m trying not to push it since its only been 3 weeks since my surgery but I’m seeing & feeling the difference. I walked up a hill in Piermont on Sunday night & was so winded I was huffing & puffing. I’ve been trying to not go out to eat as much but then he invited me with his mom so I was a goner. I couldn’t say no. I did order the chicken last nite but somehow everything I’ve been eating is just going to those problem areas. It’s stress too. Even if you eat nothing in a day stress will make you feel like an elephant. I’m going to do some crunches before I go to bed. It’s a start.

Maybe I should try to eat less sugar or red dye because that inflames A.D.H.D. so I won’t feel like I’m at a dead run all the time? I don’t know. I think Thursday after work I’m going to do some stuff for me & stay home a night. Get a manicure & then come home to clean. You gotta find some time to rest. Yeah I’ll think I’ll do that. It’s a plan. =)

Do any of you have A.D.D. or A.D.H.D? If you do how do deal with it? Are you always running around like a chicken without a head or have you found a way to calm yourself? Please share…

So I put on some tangerine lipgloss and answered the door...

It's amazing how change can bring about realizations of things you never noticed before even if its a small thing like a hand in a fist in a picture. Every time I used to take a picture with the Mess, my brown-eyed Mr. Big, he would put his arm on me but his hand with be in a fist on my shoulder. But for girls he met a moment before to pose for a halloween photo he would splay his open hand on theirs. A lack of consistency in moods or touches or names. One day he'd be all over me calling me baby and then the next day he'd be high-fiving me and calling me dude. He once cringed after I kissed him off guard. He never would go near me when I was near any of his friends...I was his dirty lil secret basically like that All-American Rejects song. But with CJ, I feel like I'm his.

He calmed down with the "Potential Talk" of marriage so this weekend we just enjoyed each other's company. He brought me to his friends house, introduced me to his friends, we chilled with his mom, made popcorn and watched a movie, and then just stayed there in his living room just enjoying one another's company. I'm starting to like him very much. When he kisses me, I feel like I'm being really kissed. When he says "I thought about u last nite" I can tell he's telling the truth. He takes my hand when we're walking, he opens my door, he wants to spend real time with me. I'm starting to get very used to it...


For some reason he doesn't make me nervous. He says he's nervous allll the time right before we hang out but I'm not. Maybe its because there's no drama between us yet. I'm not jumping at every phone call he gets or wondering if its another girl he's texting. From his actions I feel like he's being real. I haven't lied to him at all either. There's no reason too. I can just smile & laugh at his jokes and be there with him.

I hope this lasts. I really fucking do. I've been so lonely & the jerks I've met have taken a toll on me. I'm not saying I'm going to marry him or he is a full potential husband but I'm enjoying him so much & it feels good to be around him. My dreams are still full of that other idiot but its the same name Cj & the Mess have. My subconscious has to catch up to reality. It will, it'll just take time.


Probably the cutest thing he said to me was when I told him "I want to be Jessica Rabbit for Halloween". He told me he'd be my Roger Rabbit. I think that'd be awesome. hehe. I'm glad I met him. He's bringing out an affectionate side to me that I didn't even know I had too. I look forward to more time with him & our growing relationship. Maybe I'll have an official boyfriend soon. Maybe...

This week is going to be a long week because I have a huge project at work but its only 5 more days til the weekend. Can't wait. Til tomorrow...

The "M" word...

What to write about when your world is so all over the place? hmm let's see. But see it’s not just me who is pulling her hair out. In the past 24 hours I’ve heard from 3 friends & relatives that them too have been confronted or touched by that “M” word we all have thought about since lil girls. Marriage. I guess this is the season for it.

For starters my brush with marriage: Cj wants to know after a month if I think there is a potential between us to go to marriage. It’s throwing me for a loop but I will talk to him tomorrow & try to be as honest as possible with him. (Thank you everyone for your advice!) Also I will try to have this conversation not in his car where I felt cornered & NOT after a few drinks. I have to try to tell him this is all new to me. A guy who actually is romantic & cares & who says what’s on his mind is unbelievably new. I need time, just a lil time.

Now onto the others…I find it so cool that 5 people can be confronted by the same thing yet in all different ways…hear me out.

#1: My cousin Elizabeth: I found out today she got engaged! I actually am so happy for her. She’s my second cousin through marriage but I still love her & can’t wait to go to the wedding. She is so lovely & deserves a wonderful man. I’ve never met her fiancée but they’ve known each other 2 years & her family loves him. She has such a wonderful smile & I hope its shining through. I wish her all the best!

#2: My friend Debra: Well her mom is basically doing the whole, “Your 25 & not married what the hell is going on?” Hate to say it like that but its true. I don’t know when 25 became an old or 30 for that matter. She’s basically taking it all at her own pace, she does have a prospective boyfriend & maybe her moving out of her parent’s house will help the relationship along? Maybe? But the pressure of it is there.

#3: My friend Danielle: Her mom is terrified that Dani will marry her boyfriend. See its all the same subject just different ordeals. Her mom doesn’t like the boyfriend & just found out that Danielle & him have been dating for 4 years & are moving up to Albany together. (Very long story for another day). Her mom is barely speaking to her. I’m upset about it but sometimes you can’t help who you fall in love with. It just happens.

Whew! So we got one marriage-crazed boy pushing me, a real engagement, one mom wanting marriage, & then one mom dreading her daughter getting married. You can’t win can you? We all going to try to be there for one another but it’s just funny how all at once it’s happening. Unexpected drama to make you cringe when you hear your phone go off. I think everyone needs to calm down lately about it all. The pressure on all of us is so great how can we even have a reasonable thought? Its very hard to.
But this is the process of growing up. Learning & trying new things & taking leaps & stepping back. It will all work out one day…I know it will.

Have any of you had a brush with marriage lately? As you can see it comes in all shapes & forms. Hehe. =)

So this is what it's really like? Getting the Rose & the Thorns...

Something has truly been dawning on me lately & it's sad to admit but I have to face the music. I have NO idea what's its like to be in a true relationship. I keep asking myself lately, "Is this what's its like?" "Is this real?" "How could I have missed this?"...Okay I'll explain.

I have a new man in my life named CJ & he has completely turned my world upside down. I didn't know guys still opened the car door for you, gently caress your arm for no real reason at all except that they want to touch you, randomly hug you & kiss you just because there was a pause in the conversation, plan day trips to NYC where he can show you some of his favorite spots, tell you things like, "I wanna call you every lovey name in the book"...when your startled by the thunder hold you closer...kiss you so deeply that they are wearing your eyeliner. Guys still take girls on picnics & bring extra bread so you can feed the duckies...make you dinner by candlelight...download that movie you said you never saw...the list can go on for days...

However it's moving a lil too fast I think in an emotional way. I'm ready for a monogamous real life boyfriend but he has put so many ideas in my head about marriage, 3rd trimester stuff, being there for each other for the rest of our lives, meeting family, dividing up the holidays with family that I'm terrified for some reason of saying "I want to be your girlfriend." I told him I'm not ready yet to make the decision but I still want to see him. Its been a MONTH. That's it. The weight of what he wants from me because basically he has proposed to me in 50 words or less. I don't know what to do. I would want to be his girlfriend but I don't know in a month if I want to be his forever.


I actually fainted the other day while we kissed. It might have been that my blood sugar was low or something or it could have been the pressure of that this could be it. I'm 24 & he's 28. He wants to be married but...I'm not ready for marriage yet. I think I just want a boyfriend to be with & have fun with & maybe it'll turn into marriage down the line. He did say he wants to take things "One day at a time" but words have been said. I don't know if I love him yet or am gaga over him enough to be like "Okay I'm done your the one." Can anyone say that in less than a months time?

I'm a bit of a loss. I don't want to break it off with him because I like him, but I just fear that I'll hurt him too much if I say I'll be his girlfriend & then I wind up not wanting to marry him. I don't miss the ridicolous relationships I've had in the past, but I miss the lack of pressure for serious commitment. My world is upside down...I really need to right myself back up.

CJ & I are hanging out this weekend so hopefully we can sit down & talk through some things. I want to take things one day at a time & I'll be his girlfriend I just don't know if he's the one. All I can think of is Carrie with the Russian lately. She wouldn't settle for anything less than the butterflies...I want the butterflies & I don't know if I have them yet....I just got to wait and see. Wait & see...

But is this normal? Is it normal for a guy after 3 weeks to call you a PSO? Potential Significant Other? I'm freaking out a bit. My mind is just racing...racing too fast. I gotta get some sleep before the thunder storm hits. I promise to post tomorrow night.

Onward we go!!! Mini Retreat that was sooo worth it!!

One of things I loved about this weekend was I literally dropped everything & ran off to a last minute vacation. New York to Rhode Island to be exact. Yes, I even made people laugh when I said, “How you doin?” with an accent like Joey from Friends. Gorgeous is the only word that I can use to describe what I saw. That above picture is me on a cliff overlooking the water & the beach. It’s kinda weird because I was gone for about 40 hours & I feel like I left for a month. Things are so different from state to state in the United States that it’s unbelievable. Apparently Rhode Islanders are obsessed with Dunkin Donuts too…there was one about every 2 minutes. There were wind turbines that were huge & randomly placed, bridges that Omg I don’t think I personally could have driven over them because they were soooo high up, & places called Sip n Dip. Hehe.

My friend’s friend had a graduation party up there so I jumped at the chance to go. I saw beautiful harbor towns like Newport & Bristol. The smell of the salt water just hits you & the sound of the waves crashing…music to my ears. And the Mansions…..OHHhhhhhh the Mansions were Gorgeous!!! I saw the Rosecliff Mansion & the Breaker Mansion. The Breaker Mansion used to be the Vanderbilt home. Yeah the Vanderbilts mentioned in Legally Blonde. Yeah know today wealth is measured in like phones, labels, fancy cars, apartments in Manhatten, but back in the early 1900’s…MY GOD!! I have never seen such beautiful & elaborate craftsmenship in a home. Everywhere some angel or design was carved into the house’s walls. I literally almost cried in the Breaker house because it was so beautiful. It was expensive to do the tours but I know it goes into preserving the house so it was okay.

This is cool for the ladies who read my blog: In these houses the stairs were made 2 inches shorter than normal stairs so the ladies in the gowns wouldn’t trip on their gowns!! Isn’t that cool!!


I fell in love with the Rosecliff Mansion. It’s the mansion where they filmed the famous tango scene in the movie, “True Lies” with Arnold Schwarneger. In my wildest dreams I would want to get married in that house. It would cost 40 thousand dollars but I think I’m going to start saving up now. Just gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous.


I want to get married in that hall one day. I really do!!

That's an indoor/outdoor sitting area. Enlarge the picture. See how beautiful that ceiling is inside! Gorgeous.
“I wanna be a billionaire so freaking bad…” Yeah, I totally understand that song now. I had such a wonderful time sight-seeing. Sometimes you really need a break from life. Just get away from it all. Everything was right where I left it too. Even that messy bedroom was left standing. I feel like I can go on now. I’m making new decisions & looking forward to positive things. Maybe just maybe I happiness is just around the corner. I hope I hope. For now I’m still going to dream….dream of the world.

I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind...

Sometimes life gets so complicated you just got sit down & iron it out for yourself. My uncle is doing better I've heard, but they still don't know what he has...this whole ordeal has turned into a family war and frankly I have no idea what's going on. My grandfather is Not keeping the story straight of updates at all; like they are saying one thing & then the next day switching things around. I'm so utterly confused. Today I plan on calling my grandmother to find out if I can get a real story out of them. A person just doesn't miracolously get really better from an unknown virus over night. I...ohhh family drama. It can really drive you insane.

I have so much to write tonight & this week that I just can't wait. I'm at work now so I can't do much now but I just wanted to give a shout out that things are better. Alot better.

I took a mini trip to Rhode Island this weekend & Omg the mansions there in New Port.....It was like a dream. I got to go to 2 states I've never been too which rocked! Cj & I might have a relationship brewing up here. He said he missed me when I was away. I think I kinda missed him too. We've been spending alot of time together & I'm enjoying it but he might want too too serious of a relationship so soon...and I'm not even talking about sex. So much to tell...I might be meeting Pat Benatar tomorrow at a book signing too!!!

All i can think of is that Ferris Bueller quote:

"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
Well I'm stopping to look around for a lil while. =) I'll be back later tonite everyone.

Title Quote: "Kryptonite" by Three Doors Down

Real life crashing in.

Today I found out my cousin is in the hospital & they have no idea what's wrong with him. Apparently he's been in the hospital since Thursday & my grandparents didn't call us to tell us until fucking today. I have no idea why they would keep this a secret & then call me at my lunch hour almost a week later to tell us. I'm very upset at my grandparents for not telling us.

So what's going on is that my cousin who is 34 years old has a virus. They have NO idea what he has so he is in intensive care & in isolation. I'm freaking out because there is nothing I can do. I can't even go visit him because he's in isolation. I'm stuck in the water. I literally have about 13 people in my family counting both sides & due to stupid family drama some of them don't talk & it takes a toll on me. I'm in the middle of all of this mediating the information.

I know he's in the hospital which is the best place he can be right now but I'm scared. How can they not know what he has???? I....I'm all over the place right now. I wish I could go visit him & tell him he's going to be okay but I can't. We can't even go to my grandmother's house because if it's a disease the whole house could be infected. I don't know what to do, & there is nothing I really can do. I'm at a loss. Oh God please don't let anything happen to him.

I thought I would at least tell you guys what's going on in case I don't blog for a lil bit. Oh please let Davey be okay. Please. I gotta somehow get some sleep. It's always something, I pray its not life-threatening. I hope those doctors can help. I just wish I could do something, anything for him. Sigh. I gotta run, later everyone.

A Tale of a Reformed Coffee Addict...

If you’ve ever been addicted to coffee, “Please Raise your Hand now”. (Raising hand quietly). I will admit it, I’m a coffee addict, but for the past 2 weeks I haven’t had a drop. I used to every morning have around 2 cups of coffee & usually another one over the course of the day. But no more. Not one single ounce of coffee. I’m totally feeling the loss tho. I miss that jolt of awake-ness I felt after that first sip…the different creamers that tasted oh so yummy, my cute lil mug my bosses brought back from Vegas for me is sitting all lonely in the dishes dryer tray, & here’s the biggie: being able to stay awake all day. Oh the things we take for granted. Hehe. The caffeine withdrawal headaches have stopped so now I have the excessive yawning, but I’ve learned a few things that I’ve noticed in these dark times of going cold turkey on coffee that I thought I’d share.


1.)The whitening in your toothpaste will actually work. Your teeth will be noticeably whiter.
2.)The jitters you get from the withdrawal only last about 2-3 days. Your body starts to calm itself
3.)It’s easier to wake up in the morning because you don’t have the caffeine crash to recover from.
4.)It’s easier to fall asleep at night due to the lack of the energy.
5.)You might find yourself hungrier without the caffeine, however eating a snack between breakfast & lunch, then lunch & dinner will give you a lil kick.
6.)De-caffeinated Teas are actually delicious!!! I’m obsessed with this Orange Tangerine Zinger Tea.
7.)I think I’ve been sleeping better without. My dreams are messed up but they always are lol. I feel like I’ve actually slept.
8.)People with health issues such as fibroidic cystic disease, like me, should avoid caffeine. It has been known to cause & enlarge fibroids. I’m trying everything under the sun to prevent another outbreak.
9.)The jumpiness you get with drinking a lot of coffee stops after the first week. You’re a lot calmer.
10.)Lastly you will find yourself avoiding Dunkin Donuts like the plague.

I made the decision to give up coffee & caffeinated soda after this last surgery I had, but it is hard. To do a successful diet you have to commit to it. I will admit I had a Cherry Coke Zero last week but it wasn’t coffee. I’m trying to stick to it. I don’t know how people can give up alcohol or cigarettes or really stick to a diet. It’s a task, but someone’s gotta do it & write a blog post about it. I have also noticed that I feel a lil healthier. It might be psychological or I’ve feeling the lack of jumpiness, I don’t know but I think it was a good decision. I hope it was.

Have any of you ever given up coffee?? Were you successful? Or Are you still a Hardcore Coffee Addict!

A lil game of catching-up...

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Yesterday was one of those days where there was no red light in sight & I just pushed forward with my life. I got a new touch screen cell phone!! I kinda feel like Zack Morris with this huge phone but I like it!!! I dumped a whole bunch of phone numbers too that I’ll NEVER have to look at again. There’s no point of keeping my ex from 6 years ago’s phone #. He’s not Aidan & I won’t accidentally see him in Europe. But doing so made me realize how far I’m come in my life & all for good reasons. I’m glad I don’t get the 5am call to go pick up some idiot I thought liked me, or have to deal with the drama of this or that set of friends. It’s refreshing. Also I did find some numbers of people I wish I could back in touch with. I love those lunches & hang-outs where you catch up with people. One of the ultimate tests of true friends I believe is that if you hang out with them after a huge chunk of time has passed & it’s like No time has passed, you pick up right where you left off…then it’s real friendship.

I need to do a whole lot of catching up. My lil girl cousin, whom I’m written about that I don’t have much of a friendship with, is now home & I’m going to give it a shot to try and be her friend. I don’t mean we have to hang out every weekend or be best friends but I wish she was more in my life. Maybe it’s because I’m an only child that it bugs me that we’re not close, even tho we live about 15 minutes apart. I’m going to get my nails done next week…I’m going to see if she’ll go with me. It’ll be a start…a much needed start.

I of course need to catch up on everyone blogs that I love so much! I’m posting at a the morning 11:11 but it’ll give me later to do some reading. *Make a wish* Something I love about blogging is that it brought so many different worlds to my reading pleasure. People live so differently & no so many random things & it amazes me. Can’t wait to see what I find today!

Lately I’ve been going to a lot of book signings, & there are still more coming up!! The store called Bookends in Ridgewood, NJ has been getting a lot of awesome people that Omg I can’t imagine where I would get the chance to meet some of them so I’m running with the chance. Next on my list…PAT BENATAR!!!


Yup!! “Love is a battlefield” Queen herself wrote a book & she will be signing it on June 14th. I’m going to TRY to go. I imagine it’s going to be swamped there but you can buy the book the day before the signing so as long as I got the book I think it’ll be okay. I don’t care how long I’ll have to wait!!

That it’s for me today, I gotta get some work done before I get in trouble! Later!!

Miss Melanie...how are you today?

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During the hussle & bussle of times, you have to remember to take off your high-heels, the make-up, let your hair down, & just let out a breath of fresh of air. I can’t believe it’s been a lil over a week since I had surgery. Honestly it seems like weeks. Perhaps it’s because my days are so long it feels like more time has gone by when it hasn’t. I think I wanted so desperately to feel better & to get back to my daily routine that I haven’t had a moment to really sit down & relax. Last week was insane, regardless of the 4-day work week & the heat isn’t helping. So honestly overall I feel tons better but feeling frazzled in a lot areas of my life right now.

I had a fibroid removed from my right breast on May 28th for those new readers (Hi!) & it’s still very sensitive. My right arm has been hurting me ever since & it still hurts. Not so much pain but a straining feeling like I’m on a weight machine pushing up weights that are too heavy for me. I’m a righty but I usually drive with my left hand so that’s a plus. All the muscles are connected which could be the culprit. It doesn’t help that I type all day long at my job. Time is what I need. The surgeon did do a good job; I don’t think I’m going to have much of a scar. I got enough scars I think. I also will admit I’m struggling on giving up all caffeine. I’ve been good so far giving up coffee, but I’m dragging. I’ve had some tea & some soda. This is hard. I didn’t think I was addicted to coffee but I was. Is their an A.A.A. for coffee-drinkers? No seriously is there???

I don’t feel overwhelmed, *knock on wood* but I just feel that the next 6 months are going to bring some serious challenges, changes, & decisions. I somehow need to get ready. It’s like I have to prepare for things. But…how can you prepare for the definitely coming unknown? It’s making my head spin. What will be first? A boyfriend? A new job? The apartment I so desperately want? A real vacation? Who knows…I’ll take it as I come but I want to be ready for it. Is that wrong? I need to continue on the feeling better part first…hopefully the mental wellness will catch-up then.

It’s a hard job, life…but someone’s gotta do it.

In other news I did get tagged by one of my awesome blogger friends Tess @ Quintessentially Quirkness to do a series of questions, so I gotta do it! =) If anyone wants to do these questions…by all means. =)

1. For those nights when you eat ice cream out of the carton, you are watching what guilty pleasure TV show?
Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I loved that show, I have almost all the seasons except the last one on DVD. She was sooo badass!!

2. If you could have any animal in the zoo as your pet, what would you choose?
I’ve seen the movie, “Bringing up Baby” with Carey Grant & Kathryn Hepburn too many times not say a leopard!!

3. What would your daemon be (for you Philip Pullman fans) or what would your patronus be (calling all Potterheads)?
I’m not sure what my daemon would be. Maybe a giraffe caught in the wind. Giraffes are always in my dreams.

4. What was your favorite childrens book?
This book where this kid had to name a bear Thockmorton. I can’t remember the title.

5. What is the most overrated movie you have ever watched?
Avatar. I’m sorry it was Ferngully redone.

6. What book character would you like to befriend?
Anita Blake, from the vampire hunter chronicles by Laurell K. Hamilton.

7. What is your favorite type of cake?
Carvel Ice Cream cake

8. What song to you sing along to in your car when no one is with you?
Total Eclipse of the Heart. – love that song. =)

For the times they are a changing....

On Wednesday night, the second date, I got in CJ’s car after he opened the car door for me, placed that huge Care Bear on my lap & then listened to his ipod. That’s when he turned on Bob Dylan’s “The Times they are a-changin” & it couldn’t have been a more appropriate time to hear that song play. Things are completely different & I’m starting to like it. The big CareBear is what he won for me at Dave N Busters. He used his own tickets & wanted me to have something to remember the awesome night of mini golf, ice cream, & video games. The awkwardness of the dreaded first date with a new person dissipated & I think we got a lil more comfortable with each other. He took my hand to lead me to play “Mrs. Pac Man” & “Deal or No Deal” & it flowed. The end of the night kiss…flowed too. He apparently is a very nervous man so he was fumbling his words for the 3rd date, so I just grabbed him by the shirt & kissed him again to stop the stuttering. It was a pretty good 2nd date & I’m so glad we decided to do something more casual. One thing I love to do in a relationship is play. You gotta play with each other, you gotta like each other, you gotta get comfortable. So…what next?

The weirdest thing about CJ is that his mom works with my father. What are the odds of meeting some random guy at a bar & him knowing your father!! I’m still hung up about it. But he’s still new. Oh so new. I hardly ever get to the first date with a guy, little alone a second or third so I guess this one might be a serious. I have to think of things…Perhaps I’ve been hurt, strung along, locked in the friend zone, or just been treated too badly to not have to sit back & be like: Do I really want do this with him??

My friend Erin brought to my attention that I’m probably going through my quarter of life crisis now. That deserves its own post tho. I’m going to be 25 years old in about 2 months. I haven’t given it much thought til today actually. I was telling her about CJ & I was looking for a dress for our 3rd date & I was so indecisive she had to help me out. I was stuttering myself & fumbling my words. I guess I’m nervous too with him. Almost 25 & all the sorta relationships I’ve had have been disasters or wind up just being that I hooked up with a guy for a while but nothing became final. This will be my First REAL Adult Relationship. I’m not talking about sex or experiences; I’m talking about the relationships where he might come over for Sunday dinner with the family. I mean a real relationship with the title of boyfriend & girlfriend. A relationship where it might mean something…


I’m going to give it a chance with him. I want to know his favorite color, know what stores he’s likes, what is his favorite childhood memory, what he thinks about before he goes to bed, what are his dreams like, would he take me to the zoo, find out if he snores, what it’s like to make out with him more than the few seconds we have, find out other than Terminator 2 what his favorite films are, & then, & then… While we were sitting eating our ice cream I accidentally got my hair that frames my face in my mouth & he moved it away for me. I wonder what sweet moment will be next. You gotta take that step.

I march to the beat of a different drum…I think he does too. Maybe it’ll work, maybe it won’t, but I going to try. I’m going to put myself out on that limb for a little bit & see if I want to stay. Regardless of anything, I won’t forget him because I now have 3 foot tall Care Bear. Hehe. btw...Thank God it's Friday!!! =)

Title: Bob Dylan’s “The Times they are a-changin”. Thank you Bob for writing that kickass song.

Some Awards! Another post later too.

Good morning er um Good Afternoon!! Yeah I know I’m late on my posting, but I didn’t get home from my date last night til like 11:30pm. It’s so weird saying “date” to me. I’m really not used to a guy even admitting that the time we spent together was an actual date. This week has been weird tho. From the holiday tho I still feel like it’s Wednesday & have like all the time in the world but alas there is never enough time for everything.

Well I’m going to do a short post now because I received 2 awards from lovely ladies & I have to share!! I'm soo sorry if I've been neglecting the awards that I've recieved. Each one has brought a smile to my face & I'm sorry I missed posting them. I got out of the habit of doing awards, but I’m definitely going to be getting back into the swing of things. Later I’ll do a post about my date & some other new randomness.


1st Award: is from Erica at Tiptoe Butterfly. Thank u!! =)

So I have to name 10 things that make me happy & then pass it out to the 10 other bloggers.

1.)Learning this morning that the lump excised from my breast was in fact just a fibroid. It wasn’t cancer. That just brightened up my whole day.
2.)Playing video games at Dave n Busters. There is a new Terminator Salvation game that kicks ass!!
3.)The days when my bosses say “We’re going to close up at 3pm today but don’t worry put 4:30pm on your time sheet.”
4.)Kisses where the guy is wearing my eye-liner by the end of it. I think it’s funny.
5.)Great hair days. I have frizzy, curly hair…but the days where it actually behaves & stays in the hair style I did in the morning are fantastic!!
6.)French Manicures. Oh I love getting a French manicure. It’s one of my girl luxuries I don’t do often but when I do, it’s glorious. =)
7.)Making cupcakes. Cupcakes + “Girl on Viccodin” don’t mix well because I got the batter all over this weekend but the result was ohhh soo yummy!!
8.)Having a glass a pink wine at the end of a long day to unwind.
9.)Someone liking the same things as me. I love the “Omg Me too! I know that!” moments.
10.)Good night sleep. Really. It’s underrated.

I’m passing this award onto:

Note to Self
Windshield Diaries
Mad Madam Mim’s Mimsy
Cinema Obsessed
Lenorenevermore
Insert my blog name here
Just call me Jo
Hey Lady Grey
A Reflection by Tuesdai
Workingnitinup

Award #2 is from Olivia over at Olivia Writes. I’ve never gotten this award before & I think it’s so cute!! Thank you girl!

Here are the rules:
1. Thank the person that gave this to you :) Go on, give them a virtual hug!

2. Copy the award and put it on your blog.

3. List 3 things you love about yourself ♥

4. Post a picture you love (e.g a person you adore etc.)

5. Tag 5 people you wish to pass this award on to :)

Okay so 3 things:

1.)I like that I try to always be there for my friends. I will ask them a million questions til they tell me what’s really been bugging them. I love that when a friend is sick I know to go get a garbage pail for them or realize oh they are drinking too much I should cut back just in case I need to drive. I’m glad I have the few great ones I have.
2.)My ability to not give up. I say “I give up” a lot but somehow I never do. Even after 4 surgeries, NONE of which were cosmetic, I’m still kicking & screaming my way through. After a debacle of a disaster relationship I picked myself back up. It’s a skill that I cherish in myself.
3.)I like the randomness of my mind. I know that sounds like a cop-out answer but I love that my mind can retain all this useless information. But who knows!! One day I might get into Cash Cab or Jeopardy or find that right guy that knows all the same things! =)

I'm at work so I can't do the picture. Oops, srry.

I'm passing this award to the following peeps:

Pop Champagne
The Dream Machine
Memento Mori
I know, right?
Happy by Choice
Whew. That took me awhile. It’s so hot today in New York that I didn’t even go out to lunch today after my follow-up appointment with the doctor. I gotta get back to work before I get in trouble. hehe. =P

I’ll be back later with my usual post.

OH! Now I know everyone buys some things online these days: from products to make-up to shoes to who knows. If you get a chance take a look at my

Affliate: Omni Supplements.
Just Click the below badge & see what products you can find. Go to Shop brands, pick a letter, & see what there’s! =)

Later everyone!

Climbing out of the rabbit hole...

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I wonder how actors & actresses who stare in roles that are SO completely & utterly different from their daily lives, return to their normal lives. How can someone who stares in let’s say a costume drama with petticoats or a vampire show or a role where their mode of transportation is horse & carriage, come home, put on jeans & a t-shirt, use a car & go shop at Target? I don’t know. How do you return to your job after 4 days of rest & a surgery & just return to normal? Well it would have been easier if the air conditioner didn’t break at my job today…

It amazes me how within such a short time things can be so different. I wish I could take off more time from work but I can’t. My arm hurts more than my breast which I still don’t know why. I have my follow-up on Thursday. I guess it’s all connected. All the muscles & nerves, but it’ll be okay in due time. I had the same problem when I had the first surgery to remove fibroids. It just takes time. My boss isn’t going to be in for work so I hopefully can relax a lil bit. Daytime TV is a killer…I’d rather work.


I actually told my other boss that I was glad to go back to work. I can’t watch anymore TV. I want to climb out of the rabbit hole & return to my life. Even Alice had to return home after her encounter with the Red Queen. Yeahh there is always going to be the occasional drama wheel it seems but it was nice to just get off the merry-go-round for a little bit & just paint the white roses red. However I really really hope the air conditioner is on tomorrow. It was way too hawt & I got so nauseous & light-headed. Simple luxuries are really under-rated. Even being able to wear a bra after the surgery was a delight. Lol.


Well what’s up for this week? I’m still taking it easy & being sick today didn’t help BUT I have my SECOND DATE tomorrow with CJ. The flowers he sent to me on Friday are still blooming strong. I’ve been watching a ridiculous amount of True Blood so I thought I’d use a picture of Sookie & Bill. I grew up watching TV shows where dates are dinner & a movie or some activity. Lately, my dates were usually I met up with the guy at a bar with all our friends or joined the group dinner where we all just happened to be. CJ & I are going to play mini-golf tomorrow alone. I’m going to try to play rather. If my arm hurts I’m going to have to tell him we gotta only play a few holes. It’s just…so nice to go on a real date. Not just chill in a bar. It’s so refreshing. It seems like a step in a right direction. Who knows if him & I are going to develop into anything but I’m enjoying his company & delighting in the companionship. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

Also this week I’m going to try and just feel better & heal. I’ve had to do a lot of healing lately & frankly it never gets any easier but you learn how to do it. Healing a broken heart, healing a mind, healing a breast, & healing a spirit. There are wonderful things in this world tho sometimes they appear to be hidden but they are there. I hope I can hold onto them for as long as I can. =)

Thank you everyone again for the all the comments in the past few days. I can't tell you how much I needed them & enjoyed reading each & every one. Thank you!

be back tomorrow...

P.S. I received some awards lately & I will post them tomorrow!! Thank you ladies!! I have to get back into the habit of doing awards. =)