Melanie's Randomness

Alas...A New Blog.....

2012-01-20T16:28:00.000-05:00

Hi Everyone....Finally I'm back & I have a New Home...

I love you Melanie's Randomness and all the joy & awesomeness you have brought to me. I may be back from time to time to write here but times have changed for the better.

It is still new & fresh and I will be building it up over time.

With that said,

Please come follow me to my new adventure...

Have a wonderful weekend everyone.

Hope to See you all Soon!

The "One"...Not a Movie Reference....

2011-11-28T22:48:00.000-05:00

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The one ring to rule them all, the one starring Jet Lee, the number one who wins at everything, the one who stays to the last call, the one....

There are many ones...but I honestly and truly think I've found the "One". Cj and I have been dating now a year & a half and the words slowly but surely slipped out of my mouth to my friend Debra the other day.

"He's the One".

I said it out loud a few more times just because I loved how it sounded. I have never felt so happy lately and so in love with my boyfriend. The mini silences are no longer awkward, the simple caress of his hand on my cheek for absolutely no reason at all except to make me smile, the hours of dancing, yes dancing we will do when we go out where the world disappears for me, the "I love you" he says that ends every phone call, the desire to go out in the dead of night on Black Friday and be successful in getting him the exact Christmas present he wanted, the...everything. I truly am happy and ever so lucky.

Maybe it's because we are so much alike, or maybe because we are so different. It just clicks. I've never been more happy that he came back to that bar the second week to see if I happen to be still sitting on that bar stool.

We are planning to move in together after the holidays and planning a vacation for the spring... I can't wait because there is no other guy I've been with that has made me feel so wonderful. I'm at my place and he's at his right now...I miss him tonight but I know tomorrow when I fall asleep next to him he'll hold me a lil bit tighter because he missed me too. Can't wait...

CJ & me <3

"Don't you know that your Toxic..."

2011-11-03T21:44:00.001-04:00

However, I'm not quoting the same context of that oldie but goodie Britney Spears song.

I have a very toxic person in my life and it's honestly affecting the rest of my daily life and it can't go on like this. The "The Devil Wears Prada"is a hint on to who it is, but even with freedom of speech there are subjects you can't go blabbing about online without thinking of the consequences. Someone left my life that I really trusted to show me the way...I've mentioned it sparingly here but as I've said, the result is affecting me all over the place.

I feel anxious and have come to the point where I fear asking a question. I've been warned of the sarcasm and a warp sense of humor but it is now ridiculous. I'm crying almost every day and there is a dull pain in my chest where anxiety is calling it home. I hope people don't ask me "How was your day" because I will start to rant about it and no one wants to hear it. It's fine some days, I'm treated like an adult with half a brain, but other days it's feels so demeaning. I don't believe the demeaning comments, but it's wearing me down. If I hear "I'm sorry" from one more of my friends because they don't know what else to say I think I'm going to snap.

I wish I could just dress more fashionable and play the game but it's going to work off the giant movie screen. I've tried to listen and learn but under the pressure of it all it's really difficult. The fake smile and the child-like answers and questions are big chunks of ice and I don't have an ice pick to break through it.

BUT I'm not giving up. I've tried taking it from this person because of her position above me but I have to fight back. It may cost me more than I can afford to lose right now but something has to change. I have to stick up for myself. Cj is right. I have to bring order to the chaos...Yeah....

Order to Chaos...

I miss my smile. Everyone does...It needs to come back. It will...Starting tomorrow I have to remember this crying, anxious girl is not me. I'm better than this, and I can do my job better than the girl before me did it. I will show them they hired the right person and just because I'm asking a question doesn't mean I should be treated like this and/or that I wasn't taught something doesn't mean I'm dumb when I struggle.

Tomorrow is a new day and I'm counting on it...

Til Tomorrow...

Snowtober & Halloween....

2011-10-31T07:33:00.001-04:00

FINALLY I HAVE POWER BACK!!! It is the hardest thing ever to get dressed up for Halloween in the dark. Yes, NY got hit with that freak snow storm too and there is at least 6 inches of snow still on the ground...Unbelievable. There are trees down, power lines down, street lights weren't working and there was no hot water for 2 days.

Luckily my power must have come back during the night. It was like walking around a real horror movie the last 2 days. Pretty cool but man it sucked putting on make-up!! lol.

I have to hop into my nice hot shower and head to work. I will be back later to share more of the ridiculousness that was the past few days....

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!!

A Halloween Costume Hint.....

2011-10-28T16:09:00.002-04:00

I'm almost done designing my costume....Here's a hint: Red Corsette, red hair dye, purple shoes, purple gloves, and bunny ears.....Pictures to come soon....

Not Saying the "D" Word but Actually Seeing Results!

2011-10-25T21:39:00.000-04:00

A busy day here and a busy day there. The clock will fly by and 5pm will come...but where did 12 go? The yogurt will help and the apple a day still will keep the doctor away. BUT as I keep forgetting to eat lunch these crazy days a weird occurrence will happen. Dinner will come and I will be so famished that it's almost a mania when I get home. I want this and that and maybe a lil bit of this and a tench of that. Ugh. It's a vicious cycle that goes round and round.

However I caught on to it. As work got crazier, and as my hour lunch got depleted, I decided to start bringing lunch into work. Honestly it has been the most effective thing in my diet. I guess it's the control I now have. Yes, I control my car driving me to Panera and my willpower is my own to order the panini that I crave so much all the time, but the extra calories are just too much right now. Instead home-made pizza works, a sandwich I made with a normal amount of cold cuts, and oooo the right snacks. I think it's all paying off.

Technically I have not lost any weight but gained muscle and have certainly lost inches. My shirts are loose, the questions of "Hey are losing weight?" are starting, it's almost a normal habit for me to drink lots of water and tea, and I can definitely tell I have a lil spring back to my step. That sounds corny but it's true. I love going to stores and having clothes fit right, not worrying that the shirt is too tight or that the jeans are making a muffin top. I'll stick to my cupcakes. hehe. I actually allow myself to have 1 cupcake a week from my class. There is no use in depriving myself, because if I indulge a lil bit I won't want more than 1.

Seriously this is all sounding like Buffet Calculus. Some girl on Drop Dead Diva said that term and it is so true. If I eat this I can't eat that, or vise versa. It can drive a person crazy. lol. However little steps...they work...

Are you on a diet? Any tricks up your sleeve?

The Roulette Landed on Rut...Yup That's the Word...

2011-10-24T23:16:00.000-04:00

Thank you everyone with the well wishes and the welcome backs! I missed writing ever so much. I've mentioned my sanity and my job and now I'll let you in on Cj and me. I love him so much and it's my favorite part of the day when he calls me in the morning or kisses me goodbye in the morning and says, "I love you too, baby." However I think we're in a bit of a rut...one I hope we are slowly growing out of. I'll explain.

Recently certain events have brought us closer and farther apart. Closer because one of his cousins is now dating one of CJ's best friends we have a couple who calls us all the time to do things. Closer, (okay this may sound cheesy) because we have tons of new TV shows we wait to watch so we can see them together. Now the farther...it really didn't dawn on us that if he started car-pooling with someone who lives in his building he wouldn't be able to stay over my house during the week. Farther in that our lives are so busy we barely have times to ourselves to have our lil relationship because people are always dragging us here or there. Farther in that it had been a while for *Cough*. Pure and utter tiredness didn't help that. But it all seems like all we have been doing is watching TV together...that I think signals the word, "RUT".

New lingerie from Victoria Secret helped quite a bit lol but this rut seems to be going on for a while. Ocktoberfest and Halloween coming up is going to help and oh yeah the holidays coming up too are things to look forward to as well. However Is it really a rut tho I've asked myself? Are him and I just in a patch of time where we are just living? Just doing our daily routines and are lil moments are what we have? Marching time maybe between next steps? Waiting for one of us to make that move? I dunno...

I love him too much not to try to change things...Now where to start??

Have you experienced a rut in your relationship? What did you do to push out of it?

Where to begin....

2011-10-23T22:34:00.000-04:00

Where to begin...Sometimes life gets so unbelievable hard and you will feel like you have an anchor shackled to your ankle dragging you down. That feeling has had me sort of prisoner for the past few weeks. The smiles were short in coming and the "me" time I used to use to read and write blogs stopped. My "me" time stopped. I am slowly getting it back. I think that's one of the overlooked beauties of life. The art of starting again. You may not be able to rewind the tape fully but you can hit the delete button and move on to a better path. Yup, it's possible to return to happiness.

Also, the girl that was training me at my job left early and I've learned just how much she did not teach me. It has a part of me bitter towards her if I ever happen to see her again. It's been a complete struggle at my job because I wasn't there in 2009 or 2010 when things changed, AND if someone who was there didn't keep emails as good as everyone thought she did, I'm literally in the dark with not even a half of a match. She used to say "You have to play around with it." I didn't realize until now what that "playing around" truly met. BUT things are getting better...however it's taking time to catch up. It's a challenge and hoping the better sticks for real.

Time changes people...that is the ever so true. But in my time away I remembered my blog is part of me and I had to pick it up again. I have to remember to do things I want and find my "me" time again. Find me again. I'm back and I need this blog I think to keep my sanity going. It was running a lil thin...to be honest. New day tho...new start...new attitude. =)

See you all tomorrow....

Pardon me...

2011-09-21T16:21:00.000-04:00

Pardon the sudden step out of blogger. Upon watching the movie, "Stranger than Fiction" with CJ the other day I got hit with a unicorn of motivation. My hands couldn't keep off the computer keys and a tale unfolded in my mind. No it's not for my zombie novel, but a new piece. The zombies running around in my head will not be forgotten just put aside for a lil while.

I love new projects...The possibilities are endless. You'll be sitting writing for an hour than suddenly two hours and the page count magically racks up. It's intoxicating and I want to be drunk with it. I'll definitely tell more details soon....

I'll be back tomorrow....

Changing Who You Are or Just Growing Up? You Decide...

2011-09-15T13:59:00.001-04:00

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Upon entering and being in a relationship it is a natural thing to embrace the change it brings. The "I" becomes a “We”, you’ll watch the same shows, eat sometimes similarly, hang out with each other’s friends, and adapt to one another. I’m talking like matching hats changing (*I still can’t get over that ridiculous night*) because that is just creepy, but the subtle changes over time that affect both of you in the relationship. I know I’ve changed a lil bit in my relationship with CJ but I feel he thinks they are MAJOR changes while I don’t think so at all…I’ll explain…

He only drinks Coffee Mate French Vanilla creamer. I really could care less which one I drink but I do love French Vanilla. Solution: I keep Coffee Mate French Vanilla in my fridge. Cj likes to wind down at night by reading or playing a game before bedtime. I usually just go to sleep but sometimes I’ll watch TV right before. Solution: I’ll stay up extra with him because I really do love going to sleep with him because we cuddle before (I know, hold the aww’s lol). Sometimes tho I say fuck it and head right to sleep without him. If I haven’t seen him in a few days and then I know he’s busy the following day and If I have plans I’ll push them to the next day so I can see him…

Writing all that out it may seem to you that I have changed to cater him but those minimal things I don’t see as big changes at all. I think I’m just being a good girlfriend to be honest. I’ve been trying to make him more comfortable in my condo by buying food I know he likes. So what I changed coffee creamers? CJ thinks that I have changed for him and he doesn’t feel like that’s fair to me but with those small things as the changes I don’t see the big deal. Maybe he feels guilty because he hasn’t changed as much for me so he’s trying to make himself feel better by getting me to stop instead? I’m not sure, but I don’t think he realizes that when I tell him he is the first relationship where I’ve truly been myself I actually do mean that with all my heart.

When someone changes their hair if their bf or gf says they want it that way, loses weight because they call they’ve been called heavy, change their clothes to what the bf or gf likes, only listens to their significant others music, gives up hobbies to like only what they like, etc…THAT to me is changing. Not me.

Perhaps he’s seeing me grow up more than when I first met him so he’s mistaking that as me changing for him? I’m four years younger than him and still have lots to learn especially becoming a homeowner. Of course I’m going to change. I'm not picking him over other friends, I'm not changing my shoes because he doesn't like them, I don't feel like I've changed the real me…hmmm…now how to tell him this?

Today’s Question:

Have you changed since you’ve been in a relationship or did you just grow up within the relationship?

Goodbye Social Life, Hello Fall TV Line-up!

2011-09-13T09:13:00.000-04:00

I’ve always been victim to the hype of the Fall TV line-up but I usually stick to the old favorites. I blame Channel 11 WB for the habit because it started when I was in high school. Roswell, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Charmed, 7^th Heaven, Dawson’s Creek…I was stuck in front of the TV because the shows were too good!!! Yeah for changing of writers and loss of plot or I never would have wandered into the real world. Hehe. Just kidding.

Now this year it seems EVERY channel has a cool show that I really need to consider getting DVR because there will be no way to keep up! Here's what I just can't wait for!

1. The Ringer - Yes, Buffy's back in her old time slot! Here's the synoposis: "A young woman on the run from the mob poses as her wealthy twin sister to try and evade them, but soon discovers that her sister has a price on her head as well." via IMDB. I'm looking forward to this show so badly. Sarah Michelle Gellar is so talented and people have very high expectations of this new thriller. Can't wait!!

2. Pan Am - I will give this show at least two weeks because A) Christina Ricci and B) The costumes are going to be really cool! "Period drama about the pilots and flight attendants who once made Pan Am the most glamorous way to fly." via PAN AM IMDB If I was my age in the 60's I would definitely have wanted to be a stewardess.

3. Two Broke Girls - Advertised as the Modern "Laverne & Shirley." Rich girl loses money and has to move in with broke friend and they are both waitresses. It does star Kat Dennings and she is awesome so I'll give it a few episodes.

4. The New Girl - I actually got to watch the pilot of this episode because it was on my FREE On Demand and I have to say it's really funny! You have to have an appreciation for the movie, Dirty Dancing, tho. I think it's trying to be another show like "Happy Endings". Target audience both guys and girls in their mid-20's but it will be a girl show if it lasts. It looked promising!!

5. Once upon a Time - "Centers on a woman with a troubled past who is drawn into a small town in Maine where the magic and mystery of Fairy Tales just may be real." via IMDB I'm a sucker for fairy tales, plain and simple. I'll definitely watch the first few episodes. Ginnifer Goodwin I believe is supposed to be like Snow White and there is a modern evil queen. It looks too interesting to pass up!

{Okay I'm going to have to stop it at 5 or maybe 6...}

6. American Horror Story - Honestly I don't know much about this show but it's going to be on FX and it's supposed to be creepy. I'll watch anything with Dylan McDermott for a lil while, at least.

So there you have it. Those will be the reasons I will give my friends when I disappear for a while. hehe.

What will You be Watching this Fall?

"We" is Now and "I" and I Have to Step Up to the Plate!

2011-09-12T00:09:00.000-04:00

When I was hired at my new job in April I was still under the crutch of the last girl that was the marketing analyst. She was supposed to leave a year and change later. I've worked hard and she has tried to teach me how to do this position as smoothly and effiecently as possible. But now she has decided to change career paths a lil bit early and I will now be in that first chair spot ready to pounce at the next issue. Needless to say I have first day jitters all over again...BIG TIME.

I know I will go in there tomorrow morning bright and early, battle the Garden State Parkway traffic, and break a leg figuratively but I'm nervous. I know I will get the job done but the girl that left on Friday did the job so good. I need to do that job as good and better to make my lil footprint in this company. I have to step up to the plate and roll with the big boys. It is true that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince, and it is equally as true that you have to have many mediocre jobs to prepare you for that big break. I've never been more thankfully to have worked at my last job for so many years. Without it, I don't think I would have the courage to go in their tomorrow with my head held high. Also my family and CJ...they are totally in my corner and I need them now more than ever! Yeahh...I can do this!!

I'm watching the movie, "Morning Glory" for a lil boost in motivation. It's a cute lil movie where a girl doesn't give up on her dream. She goes against adversity and saves the day! I need and will do that! Big breath, lots of water, and a smile on my face. Okay...tomorrow is going to rock!!

Wish me luck!!

We will never forget....

2011-09-11T11:37:00.000-04:00

{This is the same post as last year because there is nothing else to write...this says it all}

We will never forget. This is a photo I took of one of the beams at the Franklin Ave Elementary School. In Pearl River, NY every school has a beam. My high school has 2 beams. The next town over has 1 beam in a courtyard in the center of town.

I remember on September 11th being in gym class around 8:40am. I'll never forget one of the other students saying to me that plane looks a lil low...and we heard the noise of a plane overhead. It might have been one of the planes. I looked up and it was eerie, reallly eerie. I finished the soccer game, ran to change back into my clothes, and then ran to Mr. Licht's class. I mean ran, because I was late. I ran up the 3 stories of stairs from the gym to the Math Wing all out of breath and when I entered the classrom everyone was sitting and Mr. Licht saw me and said Oh good now everyone is here. I sat down out of breath & Mr. Licht said, "Just to let all of you know there was a terrorist attack on the World Trade Centers a few minutes ago." I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. We finished class for 42 minutes and then I went to Latin. There I found out that the buildings collapsed. Mrs. Probst was on the phone with her husband and she said it out loud for us all to here. My high school is about 20 minutes from the George Washington bridge just outside Manhatten, so we were in a lock down. My memory is fuzzy of the exact moments but I remember falling out of my chair at some point or I missed the chair of those horrific desks that have the chair glued to it. No one noticed. When I left Latin I thought the world had gone nuts. I heard that the Sears tower had been hit that there were planes at the Pentagon and soo much other stuff. A friend's father worked in the building but for some reason he didn't go to work that day.

Next thing I know I was walking to the main office to call my mom but my mom was already there. It was like she just appeared out of no where. I didn't have a cell phone back then so it literally was her appearing from behind the line of buses. I remember running to her because she got let out of her job and they told her to get your kids and go sit in your basement. We went home and watched it on the TV for days. I don't think I'll ever see people walk out of Manhatten so calmly again in my entire life. I think I watched Spongebob Squarepants on Nickelodeon because it was the only TV channel that was still broadcasting other things.

What boggles my mind is the people that for some reason didn't go to work that day. My friend's dad didn't go in. Some people were stuck in traffic. Some people were sick that day. Others just didn't go to work. I luckily didn't have any family that was killed or injured but I know of soldiers that from my high school and friends that have served to fight against terrorism. It's just...Our whole world changed that day.

I've been to Ground Zero and it's just...there are no words to describe. On the road I used to go my college on you used to be able to see the towers of light they did in memoriam. I remember when i was a cheerleader and we had away games in Westchester county you could look out from the Tappan Zee Bridge and see New York City. It's the eeriest & sadest thing in the world to not see the Twin Towers because I always tried to look and see them whenever we by. I was going to go have lunch on top of them for my 16th birthday but I got sick and me and my parents didn't go.

All I can think about is that scene in the movie Signs where the lil boy says, "All the history books are going to change".

I remember asking my parents where they were when Kennedy was shot years ago when I studied it. My mom was in sewing class & hmm can't remember where my dad was and When my future child one day asks me where I was when the World Trade Centers went down Ill tell them the above answer and give them a hug shortly after.

Where were you? What will you tell your children when they ask?

Blessings to all the families and lives that the day irrevocably changed. We will never forget. R.I.P. I hope one day the war on terrorism will end. I hope.

It’s Not Really Lying, It’s Just Withholding Information...

2011-09-09T16:48:00.000-04:00

I’m all for airing your dirty laundry to your significant other because you never know when it will bounce back and bite you in the ass. BUT even with that said, there are things that I have never discussed with CJ. I haven’t exactly lied to him about certain people or events but I’ve most definitely withheld information. It’s nothing horrendous or life changing that I’ve kept from him…just a few minute details that are so minimal it doesn’t matter. Some I’m embarrassed about, like an ex-fling long before I met him, or my secret love for uncooked pie crust. I really should have told him about the ex-fling because the guy reared his ugly head when CJ and I first started dating but it was so in the past I didn’t care to mention it. I don’t think any of these things I’ve kept are groundbreaking…so no harm no foul.

However I do have two friends that have kept secrets from their boyfriends and I’m a lil lost at what to tell them. One friend I think she needs to tell her boyfriend that she has a darker side to her. She will put on this act of almost a “Stepford Wife” type and won’t let the guy see the real her. Well if she winds up this guy, eventually the real her is going to break through. I don’t think it’s fair to her or the boyfriend to keep up this charade. It’s almost like the guy would be falling in love with a fake…I’ve told her to let the guy into her craziness because it might make him love her a lil more. That is something I would tell the boyfriend…

The other friend it’s a lil more sensitive of a matter. She had gastric bypass surgery for health reasons and has decided to not tell her boyfriend until later in their courtship. I’m torn whether to tell her to tell him or not. I understand why she hasn’t told him, because it is a very sensitive matter and it’s almost like you have to come to terms with things yourself before you can disclose it to someone else. I was apprehensive to tell CJ about my breast surgery to remove the fibroids but I bit the bullet and told him. With my friend however, it’s a completely other matter. I think she does need to tell him one day and eventually I believe she will but I think she needs to realize it won’t change her bf’s view of her. He loves her to no end and worships the ground she walks on, so I don’t think it will affect their relationship. But it’s her choice and one I will be supportive of it as a friend. Once again tho, it might make him love her a lil more because she was so strong during the process…

When I tell CJ about past things, he’s very “Well I’m glad it happened because it made you into the girl I feel in love with it.” He sometimes boggles my mind how he can be such a great boyfriend. Aren’t we all just people wanting someone to love us back? I think so….

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Today’s Question:

What would you do? Have you told your Significant Others your past stories?

Withheld any Information….?

Don’t be “THAT” Person, Okay? It Will Cost You Friends…

2011-09-06T21:58:00.000-04:00

Twenty-somethings are notorious for their big groups of friends, having “The” bar they always hang out at, and routine outings. BUT all of this changes when a certain event happens. One of the group will meet someone to date. We’ve all done it, it’s okay to admit it…drop your friends for the first few days or weeks of the new relationship. It’s COMPLETELY understandable that those first dates are going to be one-on-one time with the new person and then slowly but surely the couple will integrate back into the groups of friends and hang out. However then you have “those” friends who drop everybody except for the new significant other and you never see them again….that really should be unacceptable friend behavior. I mean it…

Recently CJ got a few buddies of his together to start the promise of a band. They were all excited for their jamming sessions and I was a 110% supportive of this change. They had a few songs they all agreed on to work with and the reality of true possibility was staring them in the face. Alas, it was staring them in the face. The lead guitarist met a girl…

It’s very soon to say if this will be the downfall of this band dream but I’ve seen this happen countless times before. An ex-friend of mine, the second he got a girlfriend, dropped all of his friends & a film-making dream and only hung out with her friends. CJ’s best friend Sean only hangs out with the girlfriend and her friends. Another instance here and yet another instance there. It’s an epidemic.

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I’m hoping that this isn’t the case with CJ’s band. He was so happy about the band and like me the winter is not kind to our emotions. We both have seasonal effectiveness disorder and I thought this could be his light for the dark winter. Mine will be my novel that will be done this winter. His should be his music. There is another band member that CJ hasn’t really talked to yet about the other’s “new girlfriend” so I wonder if two against one will push the other guy to do some very serious time management so they all won’t hate him. Lol.

Guys will be guys tho. I don’t know…I’m wishing CJ some luck in all of this. Lots of luck!

*Crossing my Fingers*

Today’s Question:

Have You Had a Friend Disappear into a Relationship? Do You Think There is Anyway to Prevent it?

New Relationship Milestone for Me...A BIG ONE!

2011-09-06T10:31:00.001-04:00

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Oh Labor Day Weekend...you were ever so much fun! Too short tho...definitely. While one friend is now engaged, another takes a pregnancy test, a new one starts a new relationship, and well for me...Cj and I declared that we are going to move in together!! Amongst the other drama, while folding a blanket for a drunk friend who stayed on my couch, Cj and I came to terms that we will be taking that next step! Our drunk friend was like "Aww I just witnessed a relationship milestone...yay!" Yup and all I have to say is..."Woohoo!"

It isn't going to be tomorrow or next week but it will be soon other than later. Now my shower liner blogpost is really important to me. Cj tho had a big car repair bill a lil while ago so when he finishes paying for that we are going to take that plunge. Right now he's actually sitting on my couch playing a video game...I guess this a taste of the real life living together. It's awesome by my standards. I'll have to always keep French Vanilla Coffeemate in the fridge but I can more than do that! ;)

This will definitely change things for him and me. Our identities, I think, are going to be the most in jeopardy. CJ and I have become a "we" and an "us" but we can't forget who each other are deep down. We mustn't change who we truly are in this whole process. I've often felt that I've lost myself a lil in this relationship but even just acknowledging that helps me bring it all back to focus. There has to be a happy medium of understanding, compromise, and listening to each other's needs and above all else, sharing. Of course there's been other 2 only children couples that have lived together but this might be a challenge for us sometimes. However I'm up for the challenge. This is going to be an awesome test run for the rest of our lives...I'm strangely comfortable with that.

I wonder tho if he'd bring his cat....erm...we definitely have to talk about specifics...definitely.

I wish I had his and hers sinks but that could be a goal for the future. The future...I smile a lil bit more brightly about it. Cj at some point this weekend told me he loves me a lil more each day and it erased the noisy bar around me and all I saw was him and all I felt was his kiss. I love him so very much and maybe this move is exactly what we need right now...Maybe....

Well here's today's question:

What's something I SHOULD KNOW about him or SHOULD ASK him about before the move in? What's been your experiences?

What a Pleasant Surprise!

2011-09-02T20:23:00.001-04:00

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I knew it was coming soon but how awesome that it was today! One of my best friends just got engaged! I'm so happy for her I can't begin to tell you. They are in a horse-drawn carriage in Central Park and her bf popped the question. He even before asked her Mom for Erin's hand in marriage. I think this is so romantic and I can't wait to see the ring! Congrats Erin if your reading! =)

Now I have two weddings to go to sooner than later. I'm curious to find out who will be next...My cousin got engaged a few weeks ago and now my best friend. Maybe I'll catch the bouquet in one of the weddings ;). hehe.

That's actually how my parents met btw. My Mom caught the bouquet at her college roomate's wedding and low and behold that was my father's cousin so he got lucky enough to catch the garter. My Mom has told me that my father gave her a kiss after putting the garter on her that went right to her toes. I've always loved their story. Their first date was to see Star Wars...too cute.

What a great way to kickoff the weekend! All my plans are up in the air so who knows what the next few days will hold. I'm going to throw on the wall and see what sticks! Do you all have any cool plans?

I gotta get finished to go meet up with Cj...catch you all soon! =)

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Miss Independent...Well Are You Really Independent, My Dear?

2011-09-02T00:15:00.001-04:00

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I have had the privilege for the past few weeks to be friends with the CEO of my father’s company’s daughter from Austria, Hannah, and Wow I’ve learned some interesting things. She deserves a post of her own because the subtle differences between U.S. and Europe are so awesome that I have to tell you. (i.e. Squirrels are still squirrels but they are different colors there!) But amongst the weeks there is one issue that keeps coming up that opened a whole new door of misconception and different understanding. Being an independent woman.

Now I don’t mean government differences and bans of this or that, I mean how you, personally view yourself. I know we all rocked out to Kelly Clarkson’s “Miss Independent” and Destiny Child’s “Independent Women” for Charlie’s Angel’s but are you really an independent woman? Hannah came here and if you asked her about herself she would say she was very independent and loves doing her own thing. But here in America, a foreign country to her, where things are so different like having to have a car to drive everywhere she’s had to give up her independence of living on her own in Vienna with mass transit at her fingertips always. When she returns home she is no longer going to live with her boyfriend but live with her grandmother so she again is losing that independence she once had. Also her college years are finishing up so in her “independent” decisions she is now dependent on the experiences to guide her. It’s a whole new ballgame.

She turned to me last Saturday and asked, “How do you do it? You have your own car, your own apartment, and a boyfriend with a good head on his shoulders…how did you get so lucky to be independent?” I know part of it is the cultural difference and that she isn’t home asking me this, but I really didn’t realize how much of an individual I am. Even tho my parents live a few condo doors up from me, my Mom still pays for my car insurance (I really need to change that), I’m still in the same town I grew up in, I guess I am a real-life independent woman who does what she wants, goes where she wants, and sees who and what she wants.

I asked a few of my friends what makes them feel like they are their own person and one said to me, “Well, Mel, you’re not an independent woman anymore because your in a relationship”. Ironically one of the things that Cj tells me he loves about me most is that I'm independent. But I'm drawing a blank. Others I've asked are like, "I guess your one but you still live near your parents." I don't think that has ANYTHING to do with who I am as a person. They don't buy me meals, they don't pick out my clothes...pick who I date or love or what I do with my Saturday nights. So why throw it my face? I'm at a loss...

What truly is a modern Independent Woman these days?

I'd love to hear what you think?

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It All Comes in Three's Lately - Three New Loves for Wednesday!

2011-08-31T21:40:00.000-04:00

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Sometimes we all dream of having it all…but frankly that’s got to be boring. When you don’t have everything you’ve ever wanted I think when you finally get another piece of the puzzle it makes you a lil bit happier and your smile a lil bigger.

I’ve been putting off finding out about one my new loves for a long while now because I knew the knowledge of it will haunt me as I pledge to lose that last 10 pounds every time I frequently drive by the source, hehe. Another was pure chance, all because of an alluring “Summer Sale” window. The last was something I always said I hated but I’ll be honest…I had never even tried this type…

1. French Macaroons…The images of those colorful treats have been EVERYWHERE in blogger land but I would not raise my white flag in surrender to try them. Pink, green, yellow, coffee-colored, purple…it looks like a Care Bear convention gone wild! When Nicolette over at “Simple Collette” photographed her first macaroon experience I gave in to the temptation on my birthday. I got only one of each because WOW they are expensive and walked the plank. They are probably one of the most delicious two-bite creations I’ve ever tasted. O.M.G. I’m in love. My favorites were the coffee and green ones. You almost have to eat them in slow motion because too fast would be a crime. Absolutely delicious. Now what to do with this knowledge? Go the back way to Cj’s house so I don’t pass the bakery where they make them =P. Till we meet again tasty deliciousness…

2. Martha Stewart’s Dinner at Home Cookbook 52 Quick Meals – I’m sort of on the Martha Stewart bandwagon but barely. She’s cool and I love her products but I’m not going to praise her till the cows come home. However with a few flips of the pages of this book I had to buy it because everything looked so yummy and do-able and easy AND IT WAS ON SALE for $14.99 from $35 at Williams Sonoma so I snatched it up. I’m weird about cook books because the photos never make the food look like “ I Gotta learn to make that” and they are usually dark and dreary. Not in this book. The photography of the dishes and the ingredients and she actually uses real figs in one recipe! AH!! I’m hooked! I just bought it yesterday so I will definitely mention here if the recipes work or not or if they come out as pretty as Martha’s! =)

3. Shrimp Tempura Sushi Roll – One time long ago I had an interesting experience with sushi. I’ve never been much a fan but I don’t like the taste of raw fish but then in a movie I heard was like “An orgasm in your mouth”. I had to try it myself. But it wound up being fish eggs and they all burst in your mouth when you bite down and I was horrifyingly grossed out by the taste and texture and eww. No orgasm anything here. Then one day my boyfriend Cj introduced me to a Shrimp Tempura roll which was just the right of cooked, algae, and avocado for me. It was one of those "You just haven't found the right sushi you liked until now" moments. Yummy!! I think I'm going to go grab a quick one at lunch tomorrow... =)

Have you falling in love with anything new lately? I'd love to hear!

Showerliners: A Post about Relationships & Diets....

2011-08-30T11:02:00.000-04:00

I wish this was my bathroom...

A lil while back the alarm went off one Wednesday morning and I scrambled to get my phone to shut it off. The blurry clock on the TV cable box read 6:59am and the phone said 7am. My mom called like she did every morning to wake her only up, a habit she’s had since I was in college. (I rely on her so much for that phone call <3) Cj’s legs started to squirm under the covers and I heard his yawn of awake. I know I heard his rooster alarm earlier but it was 7am when we both woke up. Here’s the problem: We both have to be out the door by 8am.

Usually Cj will wake up to his chickens or rooster alarm or I will and nudge him as softly as I can to wake up. He’ll take a shower first and I’ll start the Keurig and then while he’s dressing I’ll get up and start to get ready. He’ll leave and glance at “Angel” the Tv show on the screen and shake his head because he can’t fathom how I can watch it over and over again. I’ve recently switched to watching “Boys Meets World” in the mornings. We’ll then do the stereotypical kiss goodbye and I’m thankful that it’s not 1955 where I’d be left in the house all day to putter about without a twitching witch nose like Bewitched. However this present morning, we were late…really late.

I thought we’d both have more than enough time but alas it was 7:40 and CJ was still shaving. I hadn’t even taken my makeup off yet from the day before. Cj like a considerate boyfriend was like, “Babe you should just jump in the shower while I finish.” I really don’t know why I hesitated. It’s not like he hasn’t seen me naked before duhh we’ve dated for over a year now but I said I’ll wait. My subconscious drove my answers because all it saw was my shower curtain…WITHOUT A LINER!!! He could see all my wobbly bits as Bridget Jones so deftly puts it and I freaked out. He eventually finished and I popped in the shower quickly and started regretting my decision to not shower with him in the room. That was the moment where I realized I’m insecure with my body and vowed to try and fix that.

I know he loves me, even if I’ve gained about 10 pounds since our relationship began, but I’m apparently body conscious around him. That has to go if our relationship is going to work. So I’ve decided to make a pledge to LOSE THAT LAST 10 POUNDS not for him but FOR ME, so I feel more comfortable in my own skin and more secure. If I’m going to spend the rest of my life with someone, anyone, I need to be able to shed the clothes and step into a shower with them in the room. If Cj and I do move in together, I’m pretty sure this 7am wake-up will happen often. Perhaps I’m scared of rejection still…Perhaps I was looking for a deeper motivation then just fitting back into my clothes better…or the damage of the past to my self-esteem is rushing forward in my stress and tiredness. Not sure…but acknowledging the pledge is the first step. Stay tuned for the progress….

Have you ever had a “No Showerliner” type incident in your relationship where you realized you were still shy around your significant other? What did you do to overcome it?

Too Many Elephants in the Room...

2011-08-29T20:36:00.000-04:00

Hurricane Irene brought me a power outage and hours of me alone with myself. I honestly don’t know if that was truly all that healthy because all I did was think and I got so upset with everything that I spent an hour an a half crying in the dark by candlelight. It’s not as cool as they make it sound in the emo songs. Not at all.

In the past few weeks I’ve had some great moments with my boyfriend, that truly have made me happy. But then something changes or something happens and I get so pissed at him but usually I calm down. This weekend I could not calm down my anger. He said he was sorry but I couldn’t open my mouth to accept. We are starting to get a few elephants in the room that we are not talking about it and I’m starting to feel the strain. One elephant is religion. Yeah, didn’t see that one coming. We are seeing opposites on what we want our kids to be brought up as if we stay together even tho we both follow Christianity to some extent. Another elephant is that he’s too competitive and I just want to have fun playing. It isn’t fun when someone is beating you at the game constantly to the point where you can barely play back. Then there is the Wingman shit that I hate and he knows it. It truly is his friends fault that they want him to be a wingman because he’s a safe guy to do it cuz he has me, but somehow I don’t see it that way and I feel like an idiot letting him do it. One more elephant is that his friends are all single and I think he feels like if I come around it’ll cramp his style or the guys won’t call him cuz he’s not single or something along those lines. He made a quick comment that he doesn’t think I’m badass enough too that got under my skin. Even just these elephants are making it harder to breathe in my lil studio.

People keep telling me to march time in the relationship that it might just be a phase with him and even CJ himself said the hanging out in the bars with his friends is a phase but the phase has come back and I miss my boyfriend. I don’t want to have to occupy myself on Friday and Saturday nights or sit home the next night with him because he was out partying too much with his friends. I don’t care if I don’t see him at all during the week I just want to see him on the weekends because that’s when I feel most lonely in my life. Perhaps it’s an only child thing…the loneliness. It crept back into my life in the dark like a snake. The candles were not enough light to keep it at bay.

I’m torn by marching more time or telling him we have to talk about these things because it’s eating me up inside. I’m scared to talk about these things because I know it will tear us apart for a good. I’m hoping once again we are just having a “Pina Colada” song moment where we are losing who we are and need to remember we do like doing things together. I wanted to make plans to go to a NOFX concert that I know he loves but he was like “Meh”. Why meh?? He should be all up for it but he wasn’t. If it was one of his guy friends suggesting it, I feel like he would have been all gong ho for it. But not when I suggested it. Grrrr.

I’m going to see how this week goes and I guess march some time. Maybe I can get the power back on in my relationship as it eventually came back to my place. I hope…

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Hurricane Irene….

2011-08-27T14:44:00.000-04:00

{I don't know why blogger didn't post my post but here is my post from yesterday night!}

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All within this past week there was an earthquake and now a hurricane coming. What the hell? Who pissed off who? Lol. I hope it doesn’t hit the area too badly.*Knock on wood* I was supposed to go up to Connecticut to visit my grandparents for my grandpa’s 89^th birthday. I’m sad I will probably not make it but we’ll go next weekend but it’s been a while since we’ve been up there. He understands tho. CJ was supposed to go out to see his family in Long Island, NY and I doubt that’s happening either. Oh well…Irene you suck!

Tomorrow tho I’m in for something new that will make my life so much easier. A NEW COMPUTER!! I’ve been struggling with a Gateway laptop I’ve put up with for way too long. I don’t even have an “A” key. I’ve been pushing at a hole and hoping an “A” shows up on the screen. *Giggle Giggle* that sounds funny. I’ve decided to buy myself a MacBook Air. I know I really don’t need another credit card payment but I can afford it and it’s a necessity. I just have to realize I have ENOUGH CLOTHES IN MY CLOSET! No excuses for buying yet another red or black shirt. No TJ Maxx and the mall for a while. Necessities only. Also I have plenty of great food choices home that I didn’t have work two hours at my job to pay for…no need to go out to dinner all the time. I can do this…

If the hurricane hits I’ll have tons of catching up time with my blog, my emails (all 2,550 unread ones), straightening up the condo, and maybe some quality alone time with CJ. I also need to figure out a costume for NY COMIC CON. I’m going and definitely need to update my Harley Quinn costume and something else. The friend I’m going with is a size 5 and is doing Mystique from X-men in liquid latex…..uhhh I don’t have the money or the body to be THAT good but I can still rock it out somehow. Halloween is going to come twice this year…=)

Work is almost done as I finish this quick post. I’m starting to “move in” sort of speak. I put my first picture on my cubicle wall. I almost haven’t been personalizing my work space except for some poptarts, hand lotion, and candy in my drawer for some odd reason. I’m in for the long haul but I guess I wanted to be certain. You never know how the house of cards will fall.

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Be safe everyone if you are on the East Coast this weekend and everyone enjoy! See you soon!

My Heart’s a stereo, It Beats for You, So Listen Close…

2011-08-24T23:34:00.001-04:00

Out with the bad, in with the good. This morning my mom called me to tell me that people with the condition Vertigo are claiming that they have felt “off” for the past 2 days. I have slight vertigo depending on where I am. Now that the earthquakes in Virginia and Canada have happened, things seem to be returning to normal and so am I. The odd sinking feeling in my stomach has subsided, my head feels clear, and I’m ready to take on the day.

It does help that I woke up this morning in CJ’s arms and his cat Angel nuzzling my hand to be pet. His friend Adrian was visiting for the weekend so I haven’t had the luxury of sleeping next to CJ in a while. The world works in funny ways. My boyfriend, who has the same name as my ex, has a best friend with a name of the previous ex before the Mess. I give up. Lol. What’s in a name but seriously come on…switch it up a bit to give my subconscious mind a lil break! I usually give nicknames to protect the innocent but the ex Adrian is guilty as charged. My ex Adrian was the Spanish boy with the grey eyes I’ve mentioned once or twice as a liar and an idiot who called me the wrong name at a VERY bad time. *WINK WINK*. It’s like my past is sorta haunting me…Oh well that's why there's wine!

From Left to Right: CJ's cousins friend, Adrian, CJ, CJ's cousin in the middle, me, and Hannah from Germany!

Anywho meeting CJ’s Adrian was interesting. They’ve been friends for years so it was cool hearing stories from their high school days. That picture is the group of us from the bar last weekend. I’m shocked the photo came out so good because we were all drunk and tired at like 2am but it was definitely a sweet stolen Kodak moment. I’m going to print a hard copy of it too. =)

Today was a sneaker day so I ran around at work like a crazy woman trying to learn all that I can before my predecessor leaves. There is a disappearance of high heel days & even sandal days lately. Too busy and the sneakers help out a lot. Thankfully when I came home there was a Bravo marathon of "Just Desserts" to unwind...Perhaps it'll give me ideas for my cupcake class I'm teaching this fall. I can't wait to see my name as the instructor. It's going to be so cool!

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2 more days left of week before the hurricane...5 more days before I'm on my own at work...

*FINGERS CROSSED*

Title: Lyrics from "Stereo Heart" by Gym Class Heroes & Adam Levine.

It ALWAYS Happens in Three's.

2011-08-23T22:11:00.001-04:00

That saying is so true. An earthquake, a shooting, and me taking charge....it's a lot to swallow. I honestly didn't feel the earthquake but with everything that's going on I just started laughing at my ignorance to the nausea feeling. I was buried in work and then suddenly people were like, "Omg did you feel that?" Nope. Just my own nausea and queasy stomach. Oh well...hopefully I won't catch it next time around again.

The girl who has been training me at my new job is leaving next week and I will be on my own to tackle a few challenging tasks each week. I knew she'd eventually leave but I thought I had more time. I guess I took advantage of my time with her and let her do all the heavy lifting per say. Her goodbye party was today and the pressure came at me hard to fill her important shoes. Performance anxiety and panic has sent it. I hope it passes. I'm stuttering a lot again like I did when I first started the job because I was nervous. I have to calm down. It will be okay in time...I hope. Next week I'm going to be a mess because she's leaving Wednesday. I will have help if I need but I'm keeping my fingers crossed for an easy transition. Wish me luck please!

And the third thing...In CJ's condo complex there was a shooting this morning. Some neighbor got fed up with his neighbor and opened fire. It is so abnormally quiet sometimes where he lives. I guess that's a good and bad thing. Bad because you would have no idea your neighbor wants to kill you but good because you'll hear the gun shots so you'll know to call the cops. The whole thing is fucked up but they got the man less than a mile from the complex, rhankfully.

What a ridiculous day. Seriously.

What will tomorrow bring? Who knows...

Suddenly Seymore is standing beside me.....

2011-08-16T22:43:00.001-04:00

And then what do you do? CJ is definitely my Seymore from Little Shop of Horrors who saved Audrey from the trenches of bad relationships. About 3 months ago the heart key locket he gave me for Christmas broke. I guess I had opened it too many times to show the cute picture of him and I inside. I was devatasted and it hit me hard because I knew there was something wrong. I had been right. I thought he was about to break my heart but the time apart was the best thing we could ever have done. We both have to meet in the middle on things and listen to each other.

He said, "I let the wrong ones in, and let the right ones out..." In a moment of vulnerability he quoted Aerosmith but I understood completely.

For my birthday CJ got my locket fixed and I have to admit he renewed my faith in our relationship. I don't know why I held so much importance to such a small lil object but it was the first sentimental gift I've ever received from a boyfriend and what made it awesome was the kiss on the lips and the "I love you with all my heart" when he gave me back the lil silver box. It was just what I wanted.

In return, over the weekend I gave him a key to my condo. I thin k I forgot about that step. We are dangling in that span of time between everything...honeymoon over and now the next steps of the relationships will ever take place or maybe not...but within those big steps there are easy small ones that have as great of a reward. I'm hoping the key will make him feel more at home and comfortable so if we do move into together it won't be such an abrupt change. I think it's working...

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I'm sitting on Cj's other couch listening to him play the guitar. He has such a cute determined look on his eyes to play his songs right. I love it. I wonder what tomorrow will bring with us and then the next day...and then maybe one day....who knows?

My Chance Meeting with the Original "Frenchy" from the novie GREASE!!!

2011-08-15T23:40:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago my mom told me about a small tag sale at the Beth Ann Temple right around the corner from my condo. I went with no expectations but found in the 5 minutes I was there the musical album of "Grease" the movie. I think I paid a dollar for it. Little did I know I would get a random call from one of my friends that the actress Didi Conn, "Frenchy" from the original movie was going to be at a showing of Grease at a local library. I jumped at the chance to meet her in person!!

I knew her better in Grease but I watched Shining Time Station with the Thomas the tank engine for years. George Carlin (R.I.P) used to be the conductor. I hopped into my car last Friday and jetted to Piermont, NY with my album hoping I might get her to sign it. Ohhh was I hoping!!

I arrived to a sea of people and everyone seemed so cool, calm and collective. I was a lil shocked. I asked if Frenchy was coming and they were like, "Didi? Oh yeah she's coming. You never met her? Ohhh she is a doll. I'm sure she'll sign your album!" I got a seat and then the clapping started. This smiling lady ran in to the full room with her Pink Lady jacket on! She still has her original jacket. hehe. Everyone she sounds EXACTLY the way she did in the movie!! She said her favorite part of the movie was the Frankie Avalon scene. She loved the wig. She said that John Travolta took them all to see a private showing of Saturday Night Fever before it hit theaters. She also said that alot of the movie was improv because they would walk around all day "in character" to get into the role! It was really nice hearing the lil details!! =)

Then the gentleman next to me raised his hand and said I had the album and she signed it immediately!! She said it hadn't seen one of these in years! I was so beyond happy!

"To Melanie, With Lots of love Didi Conn <3 "Frenchy" 8-5-11"

We all sat and watched the movie and then she came back for pictures! It was awesome!

She was such a nice lady to take our questions!

She still has the JACKET!!!

I didn't even realize I wore Pink! Frenchy and me!

What a fun night! I'm so glad I bought that album because now I have a great Grease memento! =) Thanks Didi!! =)

R.I.P Jeff Conway(Kenickie) & R.I.P Annette Charles (Cha Cha DiGregorio)

Stolen Moments Sunday...

2011-08-14T23:03:00.000-04:00

The weekend goes by so fast so I try to take every Sunday night and remember a few stolen moments that I never want to forget. Here are mine this week:

~ My Stolen Moments revolved around a luau! CJ's family decided to have a luau as their theme for their family bbq! It was actually a lot of fun! One of his male cousins showed up in a woman's sarong, the pineapples were in full glory, the lei's around people's necks and I brought a Luau treat of Floating Bear Cupcakes!! I think they were a big hit!! The lil kids realized that they could put their mouths in the icing to get blue icing lipstick too. Oops! lol =P It was cute tho!

I will definitely be teaching these cupcakes in my cupcake class this Fall. It is so easy. All you have to do is take butter cream icing, use blue food coloring for color, insert a teddy graham in the candy peach ring, place it in the blue icing swirl, and if you want put a mini umbrella on top of the cupcake for an extra smile. So easy and great for summertime parties! ~

~At some point in the bbq we got a call that one of our friends with stuck at a shopping outlet with no ride home. We told her to continue to shop and we would get her shortly. When one of CJ's family members asked if he was going to go get the girl, he responded, "I don't need to get a girl...I found the best." and then he looked at me. Total cheesey cute moment but they all did the big "Awwww". I really wish I blushed...~

~Go see "The Help" the movie. I loved it so much that I will see it again! You laugh, you cry, you cheer, and will be honestly shocked how true to the book they kept the story. Of course they didn't go into great detail on some parts but that's a given. Almost word for word and then added great lil things that only enhanced the story. I can't wait to see it again because I want to see what I missed! =) Two thumbs up!~

~At the end of Saturday night when CJ and I were ready to head back to my place it was raining pretty hard. I ran up to my door first and then Cj called after me "Wait, I wanna open the door!" Last Sunday I gave him a key to my apartment. He turned the silver key in the lock and then said, "After you baby." I think it was such a great idea and positive growing to our relationship. Seeing him smile, was worth it all. ~

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What a great weekend. Sleeping in til 10:30am on Sunday made it even better! hehe. Tomorrow's post will be about my chance meeting with one of the stars from the movie, "Grease". Yes Grease! I got a great souvenir too!! =) Til Tomorrow...

What were your Weekend Stolen Moments?

I'd love to hear...

I Miss You...

2011-08-11T13:08:00.000-04:00

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First of all let me say I’m sorry for dropping off the face of the blog world. I have some good reasons for it too. One thing led to another and another and yet another complex other. It’s so hard to write out what I’m thinking when I can barely make sense of it myself. I would love to take myself out for coffee and ask, “What the hell are you doing, lately?” because I’m all over the place. I blame part of it on my A.D.H.D., my busy schedule, Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, a shitty home computer I need to replace and me. I miss you blog…you are a part of me that I’m struggling to keep.

Also on August 7^th I turned 26 years old. I had a wonderful birthday! 26…geez. A doctor recently told me that I have early signs of carpal tunnel and he replied the dreaded few words… “It’s because of your age.” I shuddered a bit at the sound of those words but because he was around my age too I wasn’t that mad at him. I only cursed him out in my head for a few minutes. BUT then my mom told me the other day that I was definitely in my prime because things are on a high note. It brightened my day. =)

My little blog also turned 2 years old! Actually that could explain a lot. I guess it caught the “Terrible Twos” leaving me frazzled. Two years ago I was trying to fill up my time until an ex decided to play with me again like I was a mini toy. I think that’s all girls are to him. One of his action figures that eventually will get thrown into an old box in his basement when he got tired of playing with them. Now…I’m waiting for the next adventure and the next door to open. I’m in such a better place and mindset with my life and I truly am happy with the turn of events. I got the new job, the apartment, and a guy. =) No longer am I following the “This is as good as it gets” motto. Definitely no longer.

I did get to meet some interesting new people lately, learned some new tricks, took a mini new next step with CJ and found a new love that oooo I waited too long to try it. I’m excited to tell…Yeahh that’s what I needed. Excitement to write. Let it roll…..

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I Can't Put the Book Down....

2011-07-28T13:01:00.000-04:00

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I was inspired to cook with Julie & Julia, I lost myself & found myself in Eat Pray Love, and even enjoyed the circus in Water for Elephants but now I'm in the South reading "The Help". What a real book and a real story. I got lost sometimes in the others but this one...I CAN'T PUT IT DOWN! I almost bought the book a while back but declined and then suddenly on a Target line there it was miss placed and I had to buy it. That was only a week and half ago and I'm already on page 350. =)

I have a cheesy habit of assigning book characters to movie actress or people from my daily life so it's easier to read. I picture them in my head as I read and I think it helps get me more involved in the story. For "The Help" it was the easiest thing ever because I think everyone they picked for the movie is DEAD ON right! I haven't been this excited for a movie in a while...I think since Inception. Can't wait for August 10th!

Here's the trailer in case you missed it!

The story is about the African-American maids in the early 1960's deep into the segregation times of the U.S. South. One lady named Skeeter (Emma Stone) decides she wants to write about these women working for white family and it's scandalous from day 1. I asked my Mom about all of this and she was too little to remember all of this but she remembers watching Martin Luther King Jr. speak at Washington. Reading this book you literally feel like you stepped foot in Mississippi in 1962. You get so into the ladies' stories that you are crying, cheering, laughing, and deeply touched by this novel. I have friends of all races, all religions, and all colors and I'm flabbergasted about how the world used to be. It's almost unbelievable.

I'm a lil late to work so I gotta go. "The Help" is probably one of the best books I will ever read and I'm still not even close to down. I'm going to go enjoy the conclusion of the great story. It's the "To Kill a Mockingbird" of modern times...really it is.

Have you read "The Help"? What did you think?

I Can’t Bring Myself to Go...I Can’t...

2011-07-27T08:41:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I got invited to an “I’m back” party of one of my ex’s best friends. I knew this friend for 4 years, I even have a wedding “Save the Date” card from his almost marriage, and he is a great guy. But, unfortunately when I decided never to call the Mess again, I lost a few friends in the process. It was hard to let the time go by without texting and calling but I knew I had to leave almost 2 years ago. What hurt most was leaving the friendship and his friends that ultimately became my friends throughout the years. However I have to stick to my decision to close that door of the past.

I feel guilty declining because this guy was my friend. I know the Mess won’t be there so I could actually go free and clear to the party. I don’t know if the Mess’s girlfriend will be there but she is negligible in all of this I could care less. I hate him, not her. It’s just all so awkward.

I remember the day when another one of these mutual friends apparently saw a look of sadness in my eyes when I found out some stupid drama and told me softly but sternly, “If you’re going to leave Melanie, just leave. Don’t make it long and drawn out…just leave and don’t look back.” They all knew too it was a matter of time before I would stop hanging out because they knew it was impossible to be friends with someone like the Mess. It wasn’t even a relationship I had with that guy. It was a toxic “friendship with benefits” unspoken deal that I let go too far. I developed feelings and the Mess didn’t. He couldn't wait for me to leave because I didn't phase him anymore. Jerk.

Anywho...the friend...I declined the invitation and said simply I can't make it, welcome back. It's all I can do. I can't go back. I have CJ now, a new place to live, a new job, a new outlook on life...I'm completely different anyway from 2 years ago. I doubt they'd recognize me mentally. Well Sarah Conor was not the same from Terminator to Terminator 2. People change and have to stick to their decisions. Sorry dude...can't make it. Maybe one day...just not yet.

Do you still hang out with your Ex's Friends? How do you deal with Similar Situations??

Miss Melanie...How are You Today?

2011-07-25T23:28:00.000-04:00

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"I don't want Jessica Rabbit. I want you...only you." - CJ

It's a very interesting thing to find yourself with a man who wants you just for you. I guess I'm still not used it. Over the years I've always had to beat out the other girls, make sure I was at the computer for the aim conversation or else someone else would take my place, be at my best constantly because the idiot I was with didn't care for the off days, or having to put on a show.... Not now. I don't have to put on anything or try...just be myself. How interesting...and comforting on so many levels.

To be just me...I'm still working on it. I fell off the path a lil while ago but that handy GPS got me back to where I needed to be. I can honestly say I'm happy today as was I yesterday and the day before. My mom noticed the subtle change of dullness to smile. I thought it was just the weather lately for me losing the light a lil bit. Cj is helping me bring it back and the funny part is he doesn't even realize I think how happy he does make me. He brings out just me...

But today was long. Apparently I have signs of carpal tunnel but I knew that would happen some day. There is a tight tendon between my thumb and pointer finger that hurts every now and again. From the rain today my right breast hurts from where I had surgery almost 2 years ago this August. It still hurts every now and again. I had a second cup of coffee and 3pm that has my eyes still wide awake. Paying bills after a $400 car repair stings a lil but it's okay for now. However a brief late night call of "Goodnight baby" made me smile despite it all.

I miss being asked "Miss Melanie...How are You today?" at my old job. I was Snow White with her 5 dwarfs. I miss those sports crazed guys. People were talking about the Yankees and I got a lil sad because I realized I knew nothing about this season. If I still worked there I would know it all. I miss the hour before the bosses came in the most. Where me and Michigan and John would talk about our lives. I'd get a guys perspective...I'd try to give them a woman's opinion. I gotta call them soon...It's been 4 months almost. Too long without seeing each other when you worked with them for 4 years. Too long.

Tomorrow I'm making dinner at my place for CJ. I wonder what to cook? hmmm...I'm excited to see him and snuggle next to him to sleep. He wants just me...just as I am. I'm a very lucky woman. Very lucky.

Til Tomorrow...

Sunday Stolen Moments...A Big One....

2011-07-24T23:02:00.000-04:00

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There is too many this week to chit chat so here are my Stolen Moments of the Week....

~Finding a Big 40" TV in one of my best friend's garbage rooms in her apartment building. She went out to throw out her garbage and then she returns saying, "Hey Mel, want a big screen TV?". We thought it odd that someone would throw out a TV with the clickers and plug taped to it....well Good News: IT WORKS!!!! Bad News: the speakers suck and are a lil busted. No problem, if it's not that expensive I'll buy new ones! One ladies trash is another ladies treasure....~

~I had Cj's work party to go to today and it was alot of fun! They had a petting zoo of baby chicks. Soo cute! They also had a mini pony named Dora...it was totally an explorer cuz it got out of her lil cage. It was okay tho she only went to the hot dog part and ate one! hehe. What rocked was CJ and I took a lil paddleboat around the lake. It was straight out of a romantic comedy! ~

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"Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life." - Easy A

~Well sometimes life is an 80's movie. CJ turned to me on Saturday night and told me that the reason why he's been acting so weird is that he was building up asking me something. He asked me about sitting down and talking about moving in together. I said okay. One of the reasons why he wanted the break was to get himself together and to find out if he was ready for this commitment. Yes he is...and I think so am I. After this we sang songs from The Cars, the Vega Boys, Chicago, and any other cheezy song you can think of...I love him so much!

"He is just what I needed..." - The Cars

~ Having breakfast on Saturday morning with my mom. She made me french toast with cinnamon and powdered sugar. I felt just like a lil kid again and we reviewed our week. Moving out of my parent's house has really improved my relationship with my parents. I think we all too much on top of each other all the time. Now when I visit we can visit and enjoy the time. My move was the best thing I ever did. Seriously.~

~On Wednesday night I went to a Chilean wine tasting with my friend Erin from my last cupcake class. (Hi! Erin) I will go more into detail later in the week. I had decided to facebook her and found out she was going to this wine tasting. It was awesome to see her and I hope we don't let too much time go by before we hang out again!! I got deliciously drunk and thankfully I didn't drive so I really enjoyed myself! More to come! ~

~One last thing. True Blood rocks...Alexander Skaasgard is the hottest man ever! I can't wait to see more this season! Can't wait!!~

Those are my special moments this weekend...

What were your STOLEN MOMENTS this week?

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Forever 27 Club has a new member...What the hell??

2011-07-23T16:53:00.000-04:00

I'm shocked about the lastest news. Apparently Amy Winehouse was found dead this morning in her apartment at age 27. The cause is unknown. She had been known to be a drug addict especially with her song, "Rehab" but I'm still in shock. Her song, "Back to Black" got me over my ex. I still have "You know I'm no good" on like every one of my cds. She was the coolest halloween costume one year with her rockin hair way before Snookie arrived. Geez. Poor girl.

Alas the club no one wants to join, Forever 27 club, has a new member. Shit...That's so creepy. Well...R.I.P Amy Winehouse, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Jimmy Hendrix, and Kurt Kobain. Sigh....

30 Day Blog Journal...DAY #6

2011-07-20T11:35:00.000-04:00

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I was doing this 30 Day Blog Journal a while back and I thought I would return to it. I love letting you guys know more about me because I feel like it makes me more real. I'm also currently working on a video blog post too to say hi! I hope you all are staying cool in this heat in the U.S. right now!

DAY 6 - 20 of my favorite things

20. Long Earrings! I love them!

19. The beach…I wish the Jersey Shore wasn’t so crowded & expensive now. I’d be there all the time.

18. New clothes that actually fit. Damn you TJMAXX. I’m obsessed.

17. Coffee. I love my Keurig! Thank u CJ!

16.TV shows that grab you hook, line, and sinker you!! =P

15. New York City…I love walking those streets with all the window shopping and different people. It’s always an adventure and an experience

14. Cupcakes…Decorating them, making them, eating them…adore them…I can’t wait to teach my Cupcake Class in the Fall!! Yeah!

13. Learning to cook. I used to just make reservations but not anymore. Slowly but surely I’m learning how to wield that spatula. Things may still look messy but they taste delicious. Taste down…Appearance next!

12. Writing my novel. People aren’t kidding when they say it’s hard to write a book even if it’s something you know about or even if you’re constantly writing. Originality is key.

11. Super market shopping with my Mom. I know that sounds lame but it’s our like “Review our week” time and we laugh about what song is playing while we’re picking out produce. Why would you play “Stairway to heaven” in a supermakert?? Why?? =P

10. Ice skating in the summer. An ice skating rink is my favorite place to be in the summer because it is so freezing cold in there!! I have no balance in walking or dancing but somehow gravity allows me to ice skate without falling.

9. Falling asleep next to CJ. He scoops me up to him and I just fall right to sleep. It’s my favorite moment with him.

8. Couponing. I’m not an extreme couponer just a professional one. Um..hmmm….I’ll explain in a future post.

7. Collecting trinkets. I have anything from Marie Antoinette replicas, to Smurfs, to fancy vintage boxes, to old clocks from Bangkok. I need to have my own studio one day to decorate. It is a must.

6. Going to the Events. I do the whole nine yards. Comic-cons, meet & greets (I’ve met Molly Ringwald, Pat Benatar, Linda Hamilton, Chris Jericho, most of the cast of NJ Housewives, Dan Akroyd, and a whole lot more), Renaissance Fairs, conventions…anything I can get a ticket too. Love it.

5. Mango Sorbet. Especially Haagan Daz. Yummy!!!

4. My dear Blog that is almost 2 years old. Happy almost birthday! You have brought me to places I’ve never been, let me talk to people I’ve never seen, and learn more than I can ever imagine!

3. My job. Yes, my job. Recently I fell in love. It was the right choice at the right time and I love the complexity of it.

2. CJ…I love him so much.

1. My family. I have such a small family and I love them more than anything. =)

Tick Tock Tick Tock...Cuckoo...Cuckooo....Uhh-Uhh Clock's On...

2011-07-19T22:44:00.002-04:00

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It's dawned on me that I am just jumping from topic to topic this week...Forgive me and hold on for the ride... And above all else thank you ever so much for your comments and suggestions. <3

Tick Tock...As I write this my brows are furrowed and I'm swimming in my own uncertainty of what to make of this. This morning my boyfriend called me to tell me about a daydream he had. A small moment in his head during quiet time where he was alone putting away dishes from the dishwasher. He picked up his favorite mug and envisioned a future lil son breaking it purely by accident. The lil boy got upset and looked shamefully at CJ with a look of pure sadness. He turned to CJ and said, "Sorry Dad, Please don't be mad at me. I didn't mean to break it. It just happened." CJ turned to the imaginary future son and said, "It's okay buddy. I could never be mad at you." To which CJ snapped back into reality and realized he said the last part aloud and his cat just stared blankly at him when he looked down...

Well...I assure you he is not crazy. It has been hot these days but sometimes only children will get lost in their daydreams and perhaps say something out loud that we shouldn't. We can only hope we're alone when it happens. Been there, done that. What struck me as odd was the subject of his daydream. I think his Clock might have kicked in....I guess we shouldn't watch My Cousin Vinny any time soon...But do men have biological clocks?? I wonder....

I remember writing a post way back about mine not being active yet. I wasn't sure when it would kick in but I can feel it starting. It happened when I was helping one of CJ's cousins with her stroller. I joined the sea of strollers in the park while she went on the ride with her child and suddenly I felt weird. It then hit me like a rocket. It isn't going to make me make any rash decisions or forget certain things but I can feel it. I guess it could be another reason why I don't fear commitment. However when the time is right I think I'll know better and clearer what this odd twinge is in the back of my mind. I'm not ready for children yet but hearing the nice words of the daydream CJ had, I don't know made me feel a nice way about him. He's going to be a good father one day and I think it made me love him a lil bit more...

What a strange topic to write about and sensitive...but it's life. His daydream has been on my mind all day. One day I'll be a Mom...later than sooner but I do think about it...apparently CJ does too. These sound like steps in the right direction for us getting back to a better place that we are both open enough to talk about things like this...Yeah...it definitely does...Til Tomorrow... =)

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So they're Scared....Ohhh I Get It Now...

2011-07-18T22:47:00.003-04:00

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I'm not scared of commitment. Somehow I've never been. I picked a car real fast, I choose a condo, picked a college (maybe 4), and said yes to a man I knew 15 minutes who became my world by just asking me out to dinner. Perhaps it's an only child thing or maybe the disappearance of that lonely feeling I had for what seems forever or maybe it's the possibility of a life with someone awesome! I know tho I will freak out like any normal person a lil bit before I take that big step into marriage but for right now I'm cool with taking next steps. I'm not sure other people are like me tho...I'm sure they're not like me.

A friend told me her boyfriend asked her mother for the girl's hand in marriage so he'll know they have her blessing. (Sorry ladies that guy doesn't have a brother, lol). Then the couple who never fought began to fight...a lot. It surfaced that the guy got very sensitive around her because he was scared of that question he personally without any pressure asked her mom. Almost like he shot himself in the foot with his own fear?? But how come? Why is the fear appearing after the pre-questions are being popped? Is it that scary?

In CJ and mine's break he told me that he got scared. I asked him scared of what he couldn't answer me entirely. The words swam in a sea of "I don't know's". Was he scared that he found someone he could have a future with? It seems that these next steps are terrifying the hell out of him yet when we met it was for commitment. We both agreed we were looking for a serious relationship. Tho we seem to be buckling under the pressure of it. I'm not sure how to deal with his fear and it's making me scared of things... I'm trying to be there but it doesn't seem to be working. I've chosen to just let him be and let him deal with it on his own in his own head but I feel like I'm not being a good girlfriend by not helping but that's what he wants? I'm at a loss...

I guess we're both in a sea of I don't knows...Fear too.
Relationships are hard...sometimes even harder.

Were you scared of commitment or Are You scared?

I'm curious...I'd love to hear your thoughts...

Sunday Stolen Moments Taken Over by Randomness...

2011-07-17T22:27:00.000-04:00

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If only I had my camera for a fraction of all this weekend...But there was no way to capture every moment of the "WOW" factors that occurred. People just kept pulling rabbits out of their hats one by one and the shock is still stuck on my face. I'll explain...

Here are my Weekend Stolen Moments...

~ Friday night began with news that has me bursting with joy. My cousin Alex is engaged to his girlfriend Carol!!! I was blinded sided immediately. I think in the 2 years of them dating I've only seen her 3 times which now she is like "We have to become friends!" and "I need help" and "Please say yes to being a bridesmaid?" Of course my answer was yes but there is mixed feelings about this future wedding from my family....More I'm sure will follow about this...

~My father and CJ's Mom work for the same company, unbeknown to us when we met. The CEO's daughter from Germany has come to America for the next two months. I am loving every minute with her because she is in this culture shock mode that is becoming so cool. She wants to see everything and learn what a Supermarket is, learn that in a 6 pack you have to buy all the beer in the 6 pack not just 1, and okay she needs her own post...I will continue this later in the week...

Taken by me yesterday Nyack, NY

~I was witness to something really cool. I live right by where the opening scene to the movie Labyrinth was filmed. Sarah is giving her monologue about the labyrinth. Near it there is a small pier where people can sit and have a picnic by the water. I sat there reading when I noticed an older gentleman playing a guitar. It sounded beautiful with his skilled fingers. Suddenly a boy appeared with an acoustic guitar ready to battle the elder gentleman. I heard the mimicking boy and saw the older man gave in and they joined in together. It was a cute moment. ~

~I started reading the book, "The Help" and it's a real eye-opener treat. I can't wait to keep reading...~

What were your Weekend Stolen Moments?

Good luck for the rest of the week Everyone!

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A Bittersweet Little Weekend…

2011-07-15T14:27:00.000-04:00

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I honestly think that weeks after a shorter work week seem to drag on and on and on…An example is this week. It was forever. I’m looking forward to the weekend but it has a mini twist. A new friend of mine will be leaving to move from NJ to Arizona in another week and tonight is her going away party. I met her through one of CJ’s best friends and they were the other “Dancing couple” we did stuff with on weekends. Alas soon that will change. She’s leaving for a new job which I’m so happy for her that she got it but it’s sad to see her & her bf go. Just when we were becoming best of friends. Ah Facebook…that is where you’ll come in.

There’s a street fair in Nyack, NY too! Hopefully Cj and I both will go instead of just me. He didn’t want to go last year because he had been there many times before so hopefully he changed his mind. It’s supposed to be gorgeous out!

I also have to start thinking of Birthday plans because people are asking me already what I want to do…My birthday is August 7^th. It’s creeping up fast. I’ll be 26 years old. 25 was one hell of a rough year. I’m drawing an utter blank. Usually we just go to a bar and chill out with some people but I might throw a party at my condo. It’s too small to have people all inside so maybe I can use the backyard….hmmm…maybe?

I hope you all have a great weekend and hey what did you do for your last birthday? I’d love some ideas!!

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Guys Move Along...This is a "LADY" Post....

2011-07-14T20:56:00.002-04:00

Birth Control…Yeah it’s THAT post…Sometimes you gotta have that “Girl” post & need some honest feedback. Sorry guys!

Currently I am not on birth control because I’ve had some issues with it. I used to be on LoEstrimin 24 and it worked great for about 2 years. My boobs got bigger, I actually thinned out a bit, and my ridiculous period schedule became a reliable routine. Then suddenly it didn’t. I would be on my “ACTIVE” pills and have spotting mid second week and it would continue on up until I eventually got that damn period. Once I think I had my period for like 20 days straight and I was like huh???? What the hell is going on here?? I was discouraged because this happened for a few months, so I stopped taking it.

I tried taking it again during the last bout of holidays and it made me an emotional mess. I have PMDD and it actually amplified it. I was sweating constantly in 20 degree weather, crying a lot, and felt like I was in a daze. I was like “This isn’t me” what is going on here and once again during the “active” pills I was spotting after a week. I would take the pill at the time I was supposed to and it would stop but a few hours later it would return almost like the active pill ran out of my system. Who the hell knows, I’m not a doctor.

Well…I want to go on the pill again because it would make my life so much easier now but I’m a lil cautious due to my past history. I’m terrified of YAZ because of all the cautions I’ve heard and a friend of mine had severe blood clots from it. I can’t fathom how the NuvaRing works and frankly the annoying constant commercials drove me utterly insane for it that I don’t want to use it. But, how would it stay in? I imagine it would be like a game of ring toss and if your bf won your in trouble. I know there is a shot you can get for six months or something but I don’t know much about it. I’m looking for a pill that will work for me and the chances of spotting after a week is feasible.

Now ladies…I have to ask and it’s okay if you answer anonymously because I know this is a sensitive subject for people…What birth control do you use? Have you ever had a response like mine or know someone who has? Has anyone tried that Seasonique where there is I think 4 periods a year? I would really appreciate the feedback here. Any suggestions?

Thank you in advance!!!! =)

So Darling...Save the Last Dance for Me...

2011-07-13T22:56:00.000-04:00

During the winter, CJ and I used to go take dance lessons with another couple in a lil studio in New Jersey. Our friend Kate had brought up this idea to break up the winter blues and it used to be so much fun! I remember being shocked at the knowledge that CJ would actually go to something like this and enjoy it. We learned the foxtrot, salsa, some tango, and I think west-coast swing… He used to twirl me around and we’d bump into a few walls, but it all seemed so magical to me that I used to get drunk with the excitement of it. Disney movies used to always show the princess waltzing with their princes and Oooo I wanted that even for just a quick lil hour once a month.

I guess it was around February-ish or March we stopped going. The other couple’s relationship took a rocking turn and they stopped going, which evidently caused CJ and I to stop. The other day at lunch I drove past the studio and I hit with this wave of sadness because I miss those nights so much. To add an extra stab of it I keep getting emails for Groupons of dancing places, each a lil too far away, and there is a commercial for Living Social.com where a couple is dancing around on a rotating device and I see it every morning. That other couple is long from doing dancing lessons again because of their hectic schedules and CJ seems to want to do more “Guy’s night” stuff on the weekends to wind down from the week so then there is left just me. Cinderella in her dancing shoes without anywhere to go…

The amount of couple friends CJ and I have is dwindling fast too. All his friends are single these days, a couple we used to chill with is moving away, and the one other couple we try to do things with usually the girl has other plans so I’m left with the CJ and his best friend. It sucks. I…I’m not sure how to feel lately but I’m really starting to feel left out of things because I’m a girl. I know CJ doesn’t want me to forget who I am and just be someone “In a relationship” but my friends now are all with their boyfriends leaving me out too. Perhaps I need to just march some time until CJ’s friends find girlfriends or my friends’ relationships become more serious where they do things with other people??? Maybe??

I miss going to dance classes, I miss going apple picking, I miss going to festivals with a group of people, I…I’m missing something that I can’t quite put my finger on. It's so classic that one area of your life will get good aka my job when the other parts are in limbo. I hope things get ironed out. I don’t like this feeling of being left out of my life…not at all.

What did you do in your relationship when the Couple's Ratio is lil to none...?

I'd love to hear...

The Little Engine that Could...Three Months Down...

2011-07-12T23:45:00.000-04:00

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I can’t believe I’ve been at my new job for that long! Three whole months. My empty desk is now stacked with “To Do” work, my coffee intake has risen, & my gas mileage has increased, but somehow I am able to wake up every morning and get to work on time. The sea of strangers now all have names & stories which I like to catch up on, there is only one closet that gets coats, the heavy duty stapler still hates me and when you hear the radio buzzing in the morning you know it’s going to be a pretty cool day! Three months…I’m shaking my head in disbelief.

There is a little story about a little engine that despite all odds made it’s way up the mountain with a trail of animals behind him. I remember reading that story years ago and frankly it still applies today. Years and years ago my preschool teacher once told my Mom that I wouldn’t last one day in regular school because I was so out of control. I doubt the lady knew that I was listening at the door. For the record I wasn’t crazy, I just had A.D.H.D and I honestly think the teacher was just too lazy to challenge me. But that memory from 20 years ago stuck with me and every time I have an accomplishment I really have to pat myself on the back because I see it as a pie in that horrible teacher’s face & a big “Fuck You”.

My First Business Card! <3

Today I had a small little accomplishment and I feel those little ones can add up to something great. I got my first real business cards from the new company I work for today and I am beyond thrilled. They have my name, my job title, company address and my phone number. I never thought I’d be so happy to see just a lil piece of paper. I’ve always wanted to have them but didn’t have a real reason to have one. Until now. I won’t be really giving it out to many people but I see it as an accomplishment that I’m finally on the right path. I made it up that mountain.

Next month I will have health insurance again with Dental too. I really need to buy that job agency lady a potted plant or something who got me the interview. All because I saved a letter from 2 years ago when I had graduated college...who would have thought? It’s funny how things turn out…I’m so grateful that they did.

Cheers to 3 months down & business cards! Can’t wait for the more…

I love making pizza! <3

Tonight I also made an absolutely delicious pizza with dough from the Rockland Bakery. I shredded the mozzarella cheese, added some minced garlic to the sauce and topped it off with some mushrooms for an extra kick! It was absolutely delicious!! =)

Today was a great day...I hope tomorrow follows this awesome pattern...

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Ladies' Night at "The Melting Pot"...

2011-07-11T22:59:00.001-04:00

Once in a while...you need a lil treat for good behavior. The treat of the month was a mini trip to The Melting Pot Fondue restaurant. It is one word: DELICIOUS!!! I know there are a few them all over the U.S. but if you don't know what "The Melting Pot" is it's a fondue restaurant where you can get different cheeses, chocolate concoctions, delectable entrees, and even good salads. The coolest part about the place is that there is a "Ladies' Night" option on Mondays. Throw in a $6 decadent martini...I'm sold!

For $29.99 a person you get a cheese fondue, a salad, a martini, AND a chocolate. Each comes with dipping pieces of all varieties. The only bad thing was that we thought that it was you get a cheese, chocolate etc per person...No. You get one set of food and two ladies share. It was very misleading to be honest and we were a party of 3 and they could have told me that when I made the reservation. I would have brought someone else so we'd be a foursome and it would have been more variety. However the other two girls and I easily agreed on a cheese and chocolate to share!

It was just what I needed. Girl Talk, Chocolate, & Cheese. Yum! It was really nice to just chill out and not be pestered constantly by the restaurant to leave. They just leave you be with your cheese. hehe. Here are the pics of our awesome night!

Too Many Yummy Choices!!


I thought the Bathroom Sign was Cool!

We got the Traditional Swiss Cheese Fondue...

Best Martini EVER! The "Love" Martini"


The Delicious Chocolate dippers!

Me, Candace, & Kate - Fondue Conquerers!

Have you ever been to "The Melting Pot"? I recommend it!

Be back tomorrow!!

What a Marathon of Stupidity...

2011-07-06T19:16:00.001-04:00

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Ever feel like your in a daze? A simple daze that clouds everything. My life is taking me all over and this last weekend I regret my decisions. You’re supposed to live life without regrets but this weekend was nothing that was promised. I put trust in a friend that I’ve had problems with before because she can be a selfish bitch and the worse part of it all is that she knows it. She constantly reminds me that “Yeah I’ve been a horrible person to you” etc. She is perhaps one of my oldest friends because I’ve known her about 15 years but that time means nothing to her. This weekend solidified that fact…but I knew better which is why I think I’m so angry and irritated.

Three strikes and your out in baseball. I should have left and remained gone from that friendship after those 3 strikes. Now it’s a countless amount. I’m really not sure why I stayed friends with her…probably the time we’ve been friends is what keeps me and some common bonds. She will act perfectly normal when it’s just her and me. Near other people…that is a different story. I feel more like her babysitter than her friend and she is actually a year older than me. She just wants her fun and that’s about it. She could care less who gets hurt in the crossfire. Seriously.

I was promised a weekend up in Rhode Island of clams, tubing, beach time, a birthday bash party, a bar on the beach etc…It all got destroyed by her bringing a certain drug that basically turned the people into zombies and when you give children candy they will eat it all in one sitting. The 21 years old took to it like a fly to a zapper. I don’t do these certain activities so literally over the course of the weekend I just collected dust on the sidelines. She thought they would have the drug fun for a little while and then return to the so-called party. Nope. The WORST part of it all was that a second drug was brought by one of these kids and my friend lied about doing it as well. When I asked if she had taken it she said, “No we’re going to do it later”. LIE. I guess she’s embarrassed by this bad habit but I don’t really give a damn. She ruined my weekend, my mini vacation that was one of my only set of 4 days off til April of next year.

I told her how infuriated I was with her and she just sat in silence and was like “I’m sorry there is no excuse.” If it was the first time I had heard this from her I might have let it slide and said yeah you’re a drug addict you need help. But this is the icing on a long list. People just suck sometimes. I would have much rather stayed home and spent the time with CJ but no. He even persuaded me to go because he thought I’d have a lot of fun. I would have with the advertised weekend. Not the shit show it turned into.

Now I’m not sure if they are solvable between her and I and then Cj…I think he’s sick of me having bad days. Everyone has bad days but I’m having a marathon. He wants to have fun and be happy yet I seem to be stuck in the mud. I really didn’t need to have this stupidity happen with this idiot friend of mine. I won’t return her texts. Maybe she’ll really get the picture. Maybe. I hope Cj and I get over this rough patch of time. I don't want to lose him either. I hope.

Short Love Story Film for Your Enjoyment!

2011-06-30T16:39:00.001-04:00

I just came across this short movie that was shot entirely on a Nokia N8 cellphone. The short movie is called "Splitscreen: a love story". Here is the link of the story. Yahoo: Low budget is no problem for cell phone filmmaker. The director was , JW Griffiths. It's really cute and very unique as well as beautiful. ENJOY!

Splitscreen: A Love Story from JW Griffiths on Vimeo.

Will it Last?...

2011-06-29T07:45:00.001-04:00

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When one area of your life comes back around...another becomes unbalanced. Work was really rough yesterday. Alot of work, deadlines, & piles of unsorted paperwork to be looked at...It's always something right?

Anywho tho, CJ and I are back on and I think we have the possibility of going stronger than ever. He hates talking on the phone but he's called me morning, noon, and night just to talk to me. We are laughing together at each other's jokes. He's taking the sweet moments to kiss me goodbye, not a rushed peck. He's taking my hand in his with passion and pride. He says, "I love you" while looking me straight in the eye. He must have really missed me in that week. Must have. BUT people have been asking me,

"Do you think this will all last? Is is just a honeymoon period?"

To be perfectly honest I have no idea...however I know the key to all of this. Honesty...yes definitely.

I have to apologize for not being completely honest with all of you when CJ and I were starting to have issues. Like I've said I thought it was his inner issue not me and I really had a hard time wrapping my head around it that my relationship was wavering. I wasn't in denial but I couldn't pinpoint what was wrong so it was hard to write about a phantom feeling I wasn't sure of. Thankfully the storm has passed but I have taken so much more out of this break I don't even think he realizes. In our conversations together I'm trying to be honest and I know he is too. Not blunt asshole just plain honesty.

For example...the guitar was issue with him and me. His band invited him over last night and I told him to go because he told me honestly that was what he wanted to do tonight. Completely fine by me, so we are going to chill today. Honesty with a twist of compromise...music to my ears... If he has had a bad day I told him please tell me....if I can't help, well then I'll just see him the next day. Instead of me being so touchy to him because I don't know what's wrong...he promised to tell me what he could so I don't worry. If I'm going to be more prone to cry because of a certain time of the month I have to tell him. I have to have my girl-time so he can have his equal guy-time. I think we both are ready to fight for this relationship and try...

I really hope this lasts on both our ends. I don't want to throw our relationship to the wolves. Never...I was trying to remove all my pics from Myspace before it eventually gets shut down and I found that there are so few pics of me smiling. Since I've met CJ, way after Myspace....every pic I'm smiling. That is worth fighting for....honestly....

Stolen Moments: I never want to forget this Weekend!

2011-06-27T19:11:00.000-04:00

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After recent events, my stolen moments were such happy moments I’ve been bursting to tell of you!

~Spontaneous Weekend Getaway to Amesbury, Massachusetts with some friends. It was all ladies I’ve known from high school & have barely seen in a few years so it was a reunion tenfold! Two of the girls ran in a Warrior Dash Obstacle Course to the finish. I have NEVER seen so much Mud!!!! I was just a spectator in the obstacle course run but I couldn’t escape the mud either! This must have been what Woodstock was like! It was awesome catching up and finding out what the girls have all been up to! Here’s some pics…~

Debra, Dawn, Me, & Hayley

My poor shoes!! Darn Mud!!

Crazy Debra 7 Dawn running in the mud for the Race!! lol =P

~There are apparently parts of the U.S. that are just highway and trees. It looks scary on a GPS at night when all you see is black around a red highway…lol~

****CJ called me to go to Brunch on Sunday to talk things through because he missed me. I was wondering if he just missed me because I was always around. No, he said he missed me, actually me, in his life more than ever. We discussed our relationship and realized everything was going to be okay and that we BOTH have to be in this and work on it. We have to be honest but not mean and understanding. He apologized over and over and told me he couldn’t imagine his life without me. He even dressed up, wore a collared shirt and nice pants, picked me up like a real date, and I could feel the real difference in him. His kiss is even different too. I can feel it again down to my toes. He caressed my face as he kissed me. He hadn’t done that in what seems ages…We are back on and we both have to not lose ourselves again…but if it happens we promised to be there for one another and each other get back. We had been dating a year…you can’t just throw away a year. I’m truly hoping for the best ****

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~I went to CJ’s cousin’s party and one of the little girls asked me who “The New Kids on the Block” were because she is going to the Backstreet Boys/New Kids concert. She knew the Backstreet Boys but not the New Kids. Lol. Ohh 10 year olds…if they only knew life before Bieber…The men in music were soo much hotter!~

~CJ sang all the way up to his cousins in the car. He hasn’t sang happy songs in the car in months. We both geeked out and rocked out to some Sublime, Rancid, and New Found Glory. It was so fucking awesome to him happy again. Best stolen moment!~

What were your Weekend Stolen Moments…

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Ah Yes...Another Week is Here...Another Week of Choices & Decisions...

2011-06-27T07:40:00.000-04:00

Last week was probably one of the most stressful weeks I’ve had in a long time. Through everything with CJ I've lost about 6 pounds and got a lil patch of a gray hair, but found my voice…an assertive strong woman’s voice. I fear that he will think I’m too good for him or give me an excuse why we can’t be together when all of this is done. Or that somewhere in his head he has already let me go. When someone is talking about seeing their girlfriend with someone else I don’t think that’s a good thing. Everyone tho deserves happiness, regardless of past relationships. I’m not sure he realizes that. I’m not saying I am the only one who could give him happiness or him, I, but he needs to get it through his head that it’s okay to have bad days & it’s okay to need someone. I miss him so much.

I watched "Love and other drugs” and I have to say it’s a really great movie besides it being mostly Jake Gyenthall’s ass. Lol. It is very believable and there is chemistry between the two of them that makes you riveted to the screen. It reminds me of the old movie “Love Story” except with a MUCH BETTER PLOT & ENDING! It’s about two people who find each other and it’s nowhere from easy. They both have to admit they need each other and they both have to mentally grow up in order to love one another. It reminded me of CJ and I way too much, and they even went to Chicago like the two of us did. Sigh. From all of my past relationships & all of CJ’s I think we forgot what is to be in a real one…

There is balance, there is courage, there is trust, honesty and there is work but it shouldn’t be hard work. There can be reminders of “Oh shit you know I haven’t complimented my gf in a while let me do that”, family functions you both should attend, there is words of love & cute stolen moments between the two of you, you introduce each other to new people, there can be intimate nights where the world falls away except for the two of you, and there emerges an “Us” & a “We” that shouldn’t be thrown away when moments get rough. I hope it doesn’t get thrown away.

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I drove away from Cj last Wednesday and watched him walk back to his car. I was begging silently for him to turn around to see me off and he did. He waved. The mess never looked back. The Drummer Boy never looked back. CJ did. I think that’s a sign…a good sign that this will straighten itself out.

This week I’m going to work on myself. I’m going to get my nails done, straighten out the condo, and just feel better. Feel better about everything and myself. Thank you all for your kind and constructive comments this past week. I really needed them. Love you all! =)

{This is a post I had for Friday but a random trip with the girls delayed it...things are completely different now...I'll explain later...and it's different for the better...}

Couldn’t Have Wished a Better Meeting for Our Relationship...

2011-06-23T11:38:00.000-04:00

“If you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain then I’m the lady that you’re looking for…”

CJ and I met at 8pm yesterday and it was a successful meeting. I went in there hoping we were the pina colada song…both people forgetting who we were in the relationship. We are not back together because we both came to the realization we can not just go back to what it was between us. I was assertive & called him a belittling asshole and he agreed that he has been pretty much a distant monster and he couldn’t tell me why he did it. In this “space” time, he realized he is insecure and is a brat and it was truly not me that was the problem. The problem apparently was that I was a great girlfriend to him and he couldn’t handle it. For the life of me I can’t fathom that but in relationships you have to realize that there were other girlfriends before you and people will rack up baggage and they can honestly believe they don’t deserve a good girlfriend for whatever reason. That is NO excuse for trying to destroy a good person’s self-esteem or confidence and try to change them. He wanted us to fight but we were fighting except I wasn’t a bitch when I was fighting…I was a concerned girlfriend that was trying to argue not scream at him whereas he expected the bitch from all that has happened in his past. That is seriously messed up. I was trying to be an adult in a real relationship and he wasn’t and he fully admits he was wrong.

Also we realized from LITERALLY from the first 10 minutes of our first date that was over a year ago there has been a pressure on us that shoved us literally into the serious category and we BOTH crumpled under it. Part of it is his fault, making me tell him I could see him in my future and answer if he was the “one” after 3 dates. He was so afraid of wasting time with someone that he shackled himself to me before he knew me and before time went by AND our parents worked together which we didn’t know when we first met. That made the relationship serious almost immediately. We were boyfriend and girlfriend before we knew it and lost the fun and sparkle. I was working at trying to bring it back but we both got too comfortable and he stopped trying to be a good boyfriend. It was my fault too, not to speak up more constructively and let this continue on where I was being mentally hurt.

It was weird hearing someone say “I don’t want to have to work so hard at a relationship” but it’s not that hard. Is it so hard to tell someone that they look pretty in that dress? So hard to put your arm around your girlfriend when she is crying? So hard to not be an asshole to a girl who loves you? So hard to hang out with her and not play your guitar the whole time? No it isn’t too hard and I asked if he wanted a girlfriend at all…because it truthfully sounded like he didn’t want the responsibility of having someone in his life. We don’t have to be constantly doing bf/gf stuff but you can’t shut someone out either from your life. Which brings us to where our relationship status is now…

We are together but we are on a break so we both can collect ourselves more. He needs to figure out who the fuck he is because he lost it. He lost himself in his own actions. He admits that fact which I think is promising. He needs to realize that there is a difference between being an honest man and a blunt asshole. He needs to realize that he is almost 30 years old and the world does not revolve around him and will not cater to him hand and foot. And I…I need to sit back and really think if I want to be with him after all of this. I do love him but if he isn’t willing to be a good boyfriend or can’t handle the responsibility of being in a relationship then I have to say goodbye when the 2 week break is up.

He walked me to my car and said a line he used from our first date. “I don’t usually kiss on the first date” and then kissed me. It was a different kiss and I could feel it. Different because he put his hand on my face and caressed my cheek. It wasn’t a sexual kiss but a kiss of love. I felt it. It felt like the guy I met a year ago peeked through again.

I still am uncertain what’s going to happen between Cj and I but it looks like it will be a hopeful better future for both of us. Till Tomorrow…

We are meeting up today to talk it through...

2011-06-22T11:38:00.000-04:00

Title says it all. Things are either going to go good today or sadly. If we can talk things through and realize what went wrong with us then we will be together...if he can't promise he will be there for me & be a boyfriend back & not push me away when I have tough times & can't be honest with me then I have to leave. We're meeting at 8pm. I have a letter where I wrote everything down to him. I will read it to him. I'm hoping we don't split but if the facts are not there....

I will let you all know.

Today I woke up...and Opened my eyes and embraced this break....

2011-06-20T23:22:00.000-04:00

I heard "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia today and I cried the last time. I heard that song and then got a pen and began to write. Began to write everything down I want to say to CJ. Somehow today I came up for air from a suffocating feeling. I realized him and I have grown apart and this break is a true turning point. If he meant all those demeaning things and doesn't care that he hurt me then I'm gone. If he doesn't mean them then what the fuck? How can you feel secure in a relationship where your boyfriend is criticizing everything. How can you feel secure when he's asking you to take off the pretty dress because it makes him feel like a he's not dressed good enough. I'm a nice person because I am nice and that is who I've always been. I'm not a bitch and when I talked to him about hurting my feelings he was supposed to stop. If he can ensure me that he will be there for me and be supportive then that's different. If he can't promise me that he will be there...that's not fair to me and I will have to leave.

I wrote it all down and I will read it to him. I did text him today to tell him "I need and want to talk to you". He responded immediately "I'm nervous." Is he nervous that I will call him out on him being an asshole or is he nervous that I didn't change. But I didn't change I just woke up. I have to see him on Thursday because unfortunately a friend of my family's mother passed away so I have to go to a wake on Wednesday. I will read him the letter. I feel good about this becuase it will either go that we will work on being a couple or then its done. I'm ready to face im with my confidence full blast.

Thank you everyone for your comments. I needed them more then you will ever know. Thank you thank you!

He wanted space and now I'm giving him space...

2011-06-20T07:57:00.001-04:00

On Saturday I knew something was wrong with my boyfriend. He had been acting weird for quite some time and I even cried to him on two times asking him what was wrong. He thought I was "attacking" him and was confused but could see how I was feeling because now I've learned he was distancing himself so he wouldn't be hurt and pull away from me hoping I'd get the message. But I went at him more strongly because I didn't think it was me that was the problem but something else because he never gave me the red flag in words that it was "me" that was the problem. I thought I was just being there for him in a rough time. I was wrong. He didn't want to hurt my feelings but that's all he's done. I'm not a low self-esteem, lacking self confidence, cry baby girl. But when your struggling with your life and need a hug and need compassion and sympathy and all your getting is a cold shoulder you will crumple a lil bit more when someone is not there for you. I thought it was a phase for him. Constant guitar playing, constant game playing. He was escaping me, yet there was nothing left of our relationship except me occupying myself while he escaped me. He had problems at work and when they went away and he still had the headaches he realized it was me that was driving him crazy. He told once before that was a driving him nuts and I gave him space before but it wasn't enough. He wants to hang out with his friends, jam on his guitar constantly to build up a band, and he feels like I'm only living his life not my own and that isn't true at all. I would see my friends during the week so I could see CJ during the weekend and be boyfriend and girlfriend....Our communication went to the toilet.

He asked for a space and a break. He called once Saturday...didn't leave a voicemail. Then he texted me Sunday morning, "I am starting to miss you." Then he texted me later Sunday, "This is really hard. I love you so much and I want us to work out." I haven't answered him because I want to give him space. It's only been 36 hours since he wanted space. I'm giving him that space because I want him to really think it over if he wants me. I don't know what I want because if he is constantly jamming to escape me then where is the future. If he can put the guitar down when I'm with him then yes I will fight for the relationship. If when I have a horrible day and he acts right in the situation and is there for me then yes I will fight. If he doesn't belittle things I've done, then yes.

We have a lot to talk about on Wednesday. Alot to talk about.

Oh...I didn't see this coming, yet I did...

2011-06-19T03:16:00.000-04:00

Cj asked me yesterday for a break because he said that I was smothering him. Ive been going through a rough time with all the adjustments & changes of the past six months and he told me that he feels that I have no self confidence or self esteem and it affected our relationship. I needed some reassurance and a hug from him in this rough time and I didn't get it. He pulled away from me more and more and more and naturally when someone pulls away the other person will react stronger to try to keep them I guess? I'm all over the place. It's 3 am I can't sleep. I can't eat. How can I return to being the girl he met a year ago, when I feel like even more shit because he told me that I'm too nice and need to stop trying to be a good girlfriend. Stop doing girlfriend things that came natural to me. I...I'm distraught and devastated. It's been such a rough few weeks and he wasn't there. He pushed me away when I was looking to him for love...I don't know what to think or do. I just don't. I knew something was up with him and asked him to please tell me but the didn't a few weeks ago. He waited to today to tell me he wanted space. I just...I don't know what to think. What to think at all.

He called me after he wanted a break but I didn't pick up. I'm too angry and upset to talk to him. I...Maybe I'll try to eat something and pick up the pieces of myself that are scattered everywhere. I hate having puffy eyes from crying. I truly do. I'll be back tomorrow here. Yeah I'll be back.

Sometimes You have to Drop Everything for a Friend...

2011-06-16T16:43:00.000-04:00

Regardless of anything… My best friend Danielle and I have been friends for 8 years, ever since we freshmen roommates in college. We’ve seen each other through break-ups, moves, college disasters, and the usual drama that comes along with being a girl. Our friendship tho about a year ago took an awkward turn. She got an engineering job up in Albany, NY about 4 hours from me and then would go home in New Jersey, where her trip would pass me right by. She constantly passed me right by without even telling me she was in the area or would call me after the fact. I don’t know why she never stopped because literally it was about 15 minutes off route from her ride home. I may never know, but she is still a best friend and today I have to put all past drama aside because she needs me and I will drop everything for her.

Unfortunately I found out that one of her grandmothers passed away on Tuesday. She didn’t call me until yesterday because she was just too upset. Completely understandable. She told me when the wake was and the funeral and at first I was responded I couldn’t take off of work because I didn’t have any days to take because I’m still new but the wake is tonight. That I can & will make. It’s only an hour away and her mother doesn’t like her boyfriend so he won’t be in attendance so there is no one going except her family. Her mother and her often don’t see eye to eye on things & she’s only child too like me so there isn’t someone that “gets” her…yeah know what I mean? There is a bond between friends that just being there for even the few minutes or giving them a hug cab be worth it’s weight in gold.

Forgive the brief post but I’m at work right now and I’m just finishing up for the day so I can head down there. Hopefully me being there will ease the sadness a lil bit for Danielle. I really hope it does. I’ll be back to blogger tomorrow.

R.I.P. Danielle’s grandmother. May you rest and sing with the angels.