Tuesday, August 31, 2010

In a year....


Tonight I went to see “Eat Pray Love” with my Mom & Omg I loved it. I didn’t read the book so I was going into it fresh & I thought it was wonderfully done. It made you smile, cry, laugh, & think about yourself. In a year this lady goes to Italy, India, & Bali and wow it was an adventure. I’m so jealous of Julia Roberts right now because she got to go to all these places & experience marvels not many people have. She changed her life in a year… It seems a year’s time is very important. Someone can transform into someone completely different with one lil push forward.


Another of my favorite movies was “Julie & Julia” where the main character Julie also transformed her life by cooking her way through Julia Child’s cookbook in oh wait…a year. These movies got me thinking how much I’ve changed in a year’s time. I’m a way different person than I was when I started this blog a year ago. My real intention for this blog was something to do while waiting for my Mess Ex to come back to me. He did for a lil but for the better left me to live my life without him. It’s probably been one of the best things that has happened in my life. I emerged from the twisted cage & started to live again. In a year….my world has been turned upside down, twirled, & then I was right side up. Wow the things I’ve done.

In a year I have:

- Bought my own condo
- Traveled to 3 states I’ve never been too; Illinois, Massachusetts, & Rhode Island
- One man broke my heart & now another man ironically with the same name is putting back the pieces.
- Built strong friendships with some of my best friends & lost a best friend
- Remembered to smile.
- Learned to cook more than just prepare
- Had 2 surgeries for health reasons & got through it: gall bladder & fibroids
- My mom told me she was a proud of me.
- Finally went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art
- Began writing my zombie novel.
- Ah yes…I didn’t give up when I thought it was the only option. I pushed forward.


Who knows where I’lll wind up in another year? I think I’m finally headed in the right direction. I took some wrong forks in the road but there is no GPS system of life. You have to make mistakes to know what’s right. You have to hurt to heal & ohhh it can hurt. But you can land on your feet. I feel so motivated from that movie. I want to do more in this next year & just keep growing… Catch me if you can. =)

What things have you done in the last year of your life that your proud of or things that have made you a lil more who you are?
I’d love to hear.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Never in a million years would I have expected this…


Why does the drama in my life revolve around concerts? In the past year certain events have happened surrounding concert dates. Last fall I saw Dommin with the Mess, my brown-eyed Mr. Big, & somehow I knew it was the last time we’d go anywhere together. It was. Then come this past April where I was propositioned again to go with the Mess to a similar concert with him & his new girlfriend. Yeah I didn’t go. I’m not a masochist. I thought this door was closed & I was trying my hardest to keep this chapter CLOSED.

At work I usually leave my phone on top of my desk because I don’t have any drawers & I keep it at the one beep to notify me of a phone call or a text. I had texted CJ a few moments prior so when I heard the *BEEP* I thought it was him. It wasn’t him, it was a name I hadn’t seen in months on my phone. Did hell freeze over or something? Never would have thought I would ever get contacted again. Seriously. My ex has even walked away from my mother when she went to buy things in the store he works at & he has the nerve to contact me??? Really???


Oh & the reason he contacted me is that my favorite band, “The Birthday Massacre” is coming to town. The last time they came to town I took my ex for his birthday to see them because he liked them too. But how dare he tell me about them & try to be nice when all he was to me was a monster? Why be nice now? It’s been almost a year since he has contacted me to hang out so why now? Is he going to be at the concert?? He knows I have a boyfriend now so does he think it’s safe to talk to me now? Maybe due to us both being in relationships he thinks we can be friends again?? I don’t think so.

I didn’t answer because I don’t believe he deserves any more kindness from me. I have to be a grown-up now & be smart. I’m done being a fool with that idiot. I have a great boyfriend who I think might really care for me. His actions are bigger than words. I’ve never had a guy more proud of me & happy to be with me. I’m just upset now because I don’t know if the Mess is going to be at the concert? I don’t want CJ & him to meet or ever speak. This is a dilemma. I’m friends with the band too & they don’t come around often. This sucks. I don’t want to talk to the Mess to find out if he's going so I don’t know what to do……I thought this was going to be a simple boring Monday. I was wrong. I got some thinking to do. Just great…

A World Full of Maybe...


This weekend was slow & a lil more relaxing. I have to get off this huge roller-coaster ride because it’s starting to affect me more than I’d like. The next 2 days I’ll be running errands, hopefully seeing “Eat Pray Love” & relaxing. Is it bad that I wanted to go to work today so I could relax? Yikes! Well I’m going to introduce a New blog feature for me to get the ball rolling. At the beginning of every week I’m going to do a Weekly Goal to get a jumpstart on some of the mini things I need to get done before I move & somehow get a lil of my sanity back. Lol. Here we go:

Weekly Goal #1: Make a new friend.


I realized recently that all my friends’ lives have twisted & turned as well as mine so I don’t get to see many of them as much as I would like. Relationships, jobs, family, moving away, yeah know the facts of life. It happens but what’s awesome is that when I do see my friends it’s like no time has passed by. I think that’s a measure of true friendship. I also realized that I haven’t made many new friends since high school & my first year of college that aren’t acquaintances. Yeah know the people that you see in the super market or if there’s a huge party & you’ll say hi to them, maybe ask how they are, but it’s not really a friendship. Maybe I’m lonely lately. I’ve been hanging out with CJ so much that I miss my friends but their equally busy so I’m hoping to broaden my horizon a bit.

I might have a chance to make a new friend this week. I might be going to Maryland with CJ & his best friend this coming weekend. The cool part is Cj’s best friend has a girlfriend. I’ve met her a few times & she did come to my birthday party so I’m hoping maybe just maybe her & I can become friends. I’m not going to force it but I’m going to try & be extra nice & maybe we could have a developing friendship. CJ doesn’t get to see his best friend much because he is always with this girl so if her & I become friends maybe we can all do things together once in a while & CJ can have his friend back? Who knows? The girl & I are facebook friends so I’m going to do some research to see if we have similar likes & use that to see. We’re also the same age & used to watch “Buffy the vampire slayer” so maybe we’ll click?

Who knows what this weekend will bring if it happens! There is a rumor of a hurricane coming towards Maryland but I looked at the weather for this weekend & it doesn’t say rain so I don’t know. I had one of my best friends do a very crappy thing to me recently that I’m still not over yet so I think this would benefit me to get some new friends too. I’m going to keep my fingers crossed! See ya later! =)

Friday, August 27, 2010

Omg I thought I called him the wrong name.

So my sweet boyfriend Cj that I’m starting to really fall for has one big problem. The ironic part is that he can’t help it because it was given to him at birth. His name. His name happens to be the same name as my last monster of an ex-boyfriend, the Mess, my brown-eyed Mr. Big who lead me on for about 4 years whom I still hate. Now in a relationship I’ve transgressed to calling him the typical, “Hun, Hunny, Sweetie, Babe, etc…” so it hasn’t really been an issue for me. It’s a lil weird I’ll admit but so what I’m liking this healthy relationship.


Well we were at the park last night where we spent our first date & we were laughing & I blurted out “Omg ______ your so cute”. I guess tiredness is really taking a toll on me. I forgot that they share the same name. I freaked out & was like “Omg hunny I’m sorry I didn’t mean to call you that.” Then he looked at me like I had 5 heads & was like “Huh?!?!? What’s matter??? You can call me cute, I don’t mind.” Then reality came back from its ridiculous brain fart. My heart went back in my chest & I took a breath. Sigh. I guess I’m not over the Mess as much as I think I am. Sometimes my brain will have the ex in my dream instead of the current one. Ahhhh!! I really need to work on that. It’s so over that it’s been almost a year since he stopped calling me. How do you forget someone completely when your new guy has the same name?

Hopefully this weekend I’ll learn to forget a lil more. CJ & I actually don’t have any plans this weekend so we’re hoping to chill & relax together. We run around wayyyy too much. Next weekend for Labor Day we’re heading down to Ocean City Maryland!! Should be pretty cool! I’ve never been there before! Well I’ll try to keep my names in order & I hope you all have a great weekend!! =)

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Let's all go to the movies: "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" & "The Girl who played with Fire"


Hey everyone! I know the world has talked about the “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” book & series by the late Stieg Larsson but I’m going to talk about the Movies. I promise there will be NO SPOILERS in this post. I love movies, all types. I especially have a soft spot for foreign films because they do everything. No stone is unturned & sometimes American movies are exactly the same movie done over & over again with different actors but similar plot. Well “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” is one of the most original movies I have ever seen.


There are so many plot twists in this movie & surprisingly even with subtitles there isn’t any moment where your like “Huh? Wait hold on a minute that makes no sense?” It’s very easy to follow the turns & you just hold on for the ride. The basic set up of the story is that a girl disappeared for 40 years & her uncle before he dies wants to find out what happened to her. He hires a man named Michael Blomkvist, a journalist to help him solve this case. The girl with the dragon tattoo’s name is Lisbeth Salander. She is a fact checker with a past who had been doing research on Blomkvist & gets thrown into this investigation as well. Not going to lie there are a few parts in the movie, for example a rape scene, which is very raw & brutal to watch, but it all adds to the story. Every scene in the movie has a purpose. There is no marshmallow filler scenes to drag out the content too. Also what’s really cool is that you think you figured it out & BAM nope. It’s a lil like Shutter Island, but way cooler. You are pretty much on the edge of your seat the whole movie waiting for each new scene because you want to know so badly. Her dragon tattoo is also really fucking cool! I give it an A++!!


I luckily enough got to see the 2nd movie too! There is a theater by me that will get those random obscure foreign films that are usually only played in NYC. It makes me happy. I went to see, “The Girl who played with Fire” last week and honestly I liked the first one better, but it was a very successful sequel. The story continued pretty much where the other one left off & what was really cool was it was the same actors as the first. The girl who plays Lisbeth Salander, a Ms. Noomi Rapage, is so badass & just freaking awesome. She is tough & smart & Oooo the twists of this movie will have you go “Omg I totally did NOT think that’s where it was going.” I give it a B+.

I will admit that there are some confusing parts of the second movie. The first one is very easy to follow but the second one they do throw a lot of names at you & a lot of the male characters look EXACTLY the same so it’s slightly all over the place. You really have to pay attention but by the end you know what’s going on. Now….do I read the books?

Of course the movie is going to change some things from the book & the books will of course go into more detail. Life has been so busy lately I have no idea when I’m going to get the time to read these books but it’s definitely on my list! I hope the American version of these movies does butcher the hell out of it or water some of it down too much. Daniel Craig might do a good job as Blomkvist but the girl? Hmmm…she’s got some big shoes to fill. I’m crossing my fingers!


Okay, hope that review was helpful! Later everyone!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

My heart almost sank last night…


Last night was almost really bad. I’m lucky enough to have both sets of grandparents still with us & we recently celebrated my mother’s father’s 88th birthday. God bless him seriously. He’s a tough man who was even in WWII. I love all my grandparents so much & I get so upset when something bad happens to them.

Last night we got a call that my grandfather was in the hospital. I hate when the house phone rings in the middle of the night. It’s never good. Apparently he went to a dinner with my grandmother for some insurance honor & he fell on the stairs & hit his head. My heart was in my throat. What really sucks is that I’m an hour and half away from them. I live in NY & they live in Connecticut. We never would have made it up there because it was raining & we were so tired. I wish they were closer.

Thank God he was okay. Omg he’s 88 he can’t afford to fall. He didn’t break anything & he just has a bump on his head & thankfully there is no other injuries. I’m really glad that he decided to go to the hospital just in case. If there is something really wrong don’t think twice about going to the hospital. If something gets worse your taken care of & they can help you.

It was a pretty big scare because we couldn’t get to them but he’s home now it just scared the shit out of me. I wish I could put them in a bubble. He needs to be more careful. Ohh sigh. I’m stressed out. We all need to stop running & just take a breath. This could have been worse. I guess the purpose for this post is to just tell you to be very careful & if your hurt make sure you go to the doctor or hospital. Okay I’ll be back later.

Monday, August 23, 2010

"I'm moving on up to the deluxe apartment in the sky"....well maybe just a studio condo instead. lol.


Once upon a time I always wanted to own Barbie’s dream house. I never had one. It’s totally cool tho because when I was lil it was like majorly expensive & my lil cousin had one so I just played with hers when I went over to her house. I’ve wanted my own dream house to live in & decorate for as long as I can remember. NEVER in this year did I truly believe I would actually move out of my parent’s house. I mean come on New Year’s resolutions sometimes appear to be going strong the first few weeks of the year & by the time August rolls around you’ve pretty much forgot what they were. Hell I’ll admit I had to look back on my New Year’s post to check that I had “Move Out” on it. Hehe. But somehow I’m doing it.

Well on paper I’m doing it but in real life it feels like it’s NEVER going to happen. The past month has been a real pain in the ass with this condo. The people have moved out so every day I see the windows of my future dream home all dark & it makes me sad. I WANT TO MOVE IN SO BAD!!!! There is sooo soooo much they don’t tell you on these HGTV shows that I hate to say it makes buying a home easy. It’s not. Bidding wars, waiting on the mortgage, finding out your mortgage payment, making sure the stove & refrigerator are included, buying furniture, finding places to put things until I can move in, light fixtures, cleaning the carpet, not using your credit cards so I’ve only been able to use cash, paying off my car first, realizing that the mortgage payment is a lil too expensive for me a month and oh yeah the biggest bitch thing of it all…WAITING.


Omg I’ve been waiting to find out my closing date now for a month. It’s going to be some point in September. The lastest it will be is September 30th. It’s stressful the waiting. I feel bad that CJ is holding boxes for me in his car because I have no where to put them. People are giving me things & all my lil tag sale finds are becoming lost amongst the clutter. I need to move in. I wish it was tomorrow.

I also have decided to get a Part-Time job to help pay for all of this. I have an interview at the Anthropologie store near me. I love that store but honestly I can’t afford much in it. That’s fine with me but if I had an employee discount I could get the lil d├ęcor items I would want in the future. My monthly bills are going to add up to a more than I hoped for but it’s all still do-able. The job is needed for other things that I might need. It’s all in my near future it’s just I wish it was now. Soon tho, very soon. I hope I hope!!

When you moved into your first places renting or buying was it this stressful & hectic? I’d love to hear your stories! =)




P.S. OMG I reached 300 followers!!! Woohoo!! Awesome! Thank you all of you!! Mwah! Big Cyber Hug! =)

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Let the explaining begin....


So what happens when you have wayyy too much to do & only 2 days & 1 night to do it in? Chaos & a lot of laughs. This weekend I really felt like I was trapped in the movie, “Forces of Nature” & “Meet the Parents” because everything that could go Wrong did & then some. It did have some very nice moments but others I almost lost my cool. Well let’s get started.

Part I: CJ on Friday night had to babysit this darling boxer doggie & I came along for the ride. Things were going great we were chilling by the pool, drinking some beer, playing with the dog, & just enjoying ourselves. The owners wanted us to stay over at the house to walk the dog in the morning so we were like awesome okay. That’s where we got in trouble….We got dressed for bed & then CJ went outside for a cigarette and I decided to go out with him……….I closed the door behind me. To which CJ turns to me & says, “You did not just close that door. We’re now locked out.” I freaked. I locked us out because I didn’t realize the door opens from the inside but is still locked on the outside. No phones, no keys, no shoes, & middle of the night. FUCK!!!

I cried. We started trying all the windows & the other doors, but alas everything was LOCKED! I swear there was some angel watching out for us. We noticed that one of the window panes was a lil loose. They had a gardening shed open so we used a gardening shovel to get in the crease. We pried it open by delicately prying open the other window. I still can’t believe we got back in the house. I will never be babysitting the dog again.


Part II: Let the interrogating begin. We both had family functions so we kinda equally got to go to each others & both got the dose of 20 questions from each other’s family. I do honestly think we are moving too fast with the family stuff. We’ve only been dating 3 months & I’ve already been told I’m in his family Secret Santa for Christmas. Uhhhh…Yes I’m intimidated. I told him that tho. He said it’s okay. It was his cousin’s 40th birthday & my grandfather’s 88th birthday. Both parties were nice. I think we are slowly sliding more into each other’s lives & honestly I’ve never had this. It’s new. My head hurts from being asked so many questions but that’s typical of families. All in all it was successful. My family loves him. Whew! What a load off. I like his too.


Part III: Then came the rain. I don’t think you’re a honest couple until you’ve gone through lil hardships & ran from the car for your dry life into the mall. I got soaked to the bone. My hair was once straight today but it proceeded to curl up. It’s okay tho he thought it was funny. We got into the Bed, Bath, & Beyond & literally had to ring out our clothes. We just stared at each other for a minute & laughed so hard. This was a crazy weekend of non-stop go-go-go. We came to an agreement that we’re going to have to find time for ourselves that isn’t just napping. Some cool down, relaxing time is definitely needed. I’ve never been more tired.

I did it. I stuck by the whole weekend. Wow. I guess this is where the A.D.H.D. kicks in. Thankfully it did. It’s still raining here now so hopefully it will tamper off. I’m exhausted. This week is going to be a busy one but tomorrow I’m writing about the demo I went to. I made some cool stuff I can’t wait to share. See you all tomorrow! =)

Friday, August 20, 2010

There so goes…there she goes again…


I wish I had nothing to do this weekend. Seriously the last 3 months have been the busiest time of my life & it’s not even the holidays. I have never had a boyfriend who wants to bring me with him places to be I guess what you call his “Plus 1” but if you combine what I have to do & him it’s getting a lil ridiculous. Earlier this week I remarked that I wanted to take it easy & try to do a lil less & get some time for myself this week. Yeahhh it didn’t happen. This weekend isn’t going to be any slower. Here’s what I have in store.

Friday Night: Helping CJ babysit his friend’s dog all night

Saturday Morning: William’s Sonoma demo on making butter & ricotta (Really looking forward to this tho!)

Saturday Night: CJ’s cousin’s birthday party at a restaurant

Sunday: My grandfather’s 88th birthday in Connecticut

Monday Night: CJ’s best friend with 4 kids invited us over to dinner at her house.

I’m overwhelmed. Granted I haven’t been in a relationship for a while but this is a lot of stuff. Every weekend I’m served a full plate like this as well as a full plate of restaurant or barbecue or very fattening food. I’m exercising & trying so hard to cut down my food intake during the day so when I do eat out it’s not as harmful to my waist but nothing seems to be working. I’m going to try to squeeze in going back to the gym today but I don’t know how successful this is going to be. I’m stressed. I need to really work on finding a balance after this cluster of busy passes.

Maybe I can do it all and not lose more of my mind? Maybe…

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Where are they now? (Not a celebrity post. Hehe.)


Over the course of last year I had a problem that kept popping up in one way or another. My exes kept trying to come back somehow. Yeah I guess I have the reversed version of Scott Pilgrim vs. the world. I had to defeat my own. Whether they came back as friends (Yeah right, they wanted *cough* something), or to fool around or to date me again they still veered their ugly heads. I thought I would take a minute to tell you a few of the “Where are they are now” and why even after time a jerk or an asshole will still be a jerk or an asshole and how important it is to KEEP CALM & MOVE ON. There is a certain one in particular that I seem to be more over him these days but yeah I realized he was all lies & shit basically because he’s torturing some other girl now. Let’s begin.


SGD: Sexy Goth Dave is his name. This was a guy who I had a major crush on about 5 years ago. He was exactly as his name says. I was head over heels obsessed with him. But alas it never went anywhere. He jokingly asked me to marry him one day to which I declined because I was too young at 20. Well…..I AM SO HAPPY I SAID NO! Even as a joke. Where is he now? He recently changed his martial status of ”Married” to “In an Open Relationship”. Wtf? Apparently he is still married but he can sleep with who ever he wants & his wife has the same liberties…..Soo happy I didn’t wait to be older for him.

Spanish boy with the gray eyes: He called me the wrong name at a very bad time so I ended the relationship. He didn’t drive because he lost his license due to a DWI, wore the same 2 shirts alternating each date, & lived with his mom. Told me he was going to be a vascular surgeon. Where is he now? Still can’t drive, still lives with his mom, saw a recent photo he still wears 1 of the 2 shirts a 1 ½ years later, & is dating a girl with the wrong name he called me. Is still a teacher, never started school to become that surgeon. Occasionally will message me for what reason I don’t know. He’s still a sap.

Drummer Boy: Remember him? The boy that drove me nuts for about 2 months last year because I couldn’t figure out what he wanted from me. Friend or date? Thought he was still seeing his ex out in Arizona & was just looking for a fling while she was away….Well… Where is he now? Found a girl who will date him while he still is dating that girl in Arizona so while she’s away at school he has someone to play with & then switches back to the Arizona girl when she comes home. How ridiculous is that??

The Mess: My Brown-Eyed Mr. Big. He was my life basically for 3 ½ years. He toyed with my emotions & used me. I hate him so much. I thought he’d come back eventually but he has gone on with his life but….Where is he now? Balding really badly, is still with the girl he cheated on with me, still works in CVS even tho he was supposed to be a famous movie director by now. A friend told me he saw him & he is awful to his girlfriend. He dropped all his friends so he only hangs out with the gf’s friends. Is probably more & more in debt. He went on so will I.


It’s interesting what time will tell. Who knows if CJ is the one but he makes me happy & smile & I’m glad I’m not still with any of these other guys or still waiting around them to I guess come to their senses. I don’t answer any of them if they try to contact me because seriously what’s the point? There is none. Here I go…turn the page….

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I stepped up to the plate & asked him Why? & It worked...


I never knew what the real Bonnie & Clyde looked like until today. The above picture is what that legendary gangster couple looked like. I think the picture is really cute that he picked her up like that. I keep calling CJ my Clyde now. No we aren’t robbing any banks lately but we seem to be doing everything together & spending so much time together that it reminds me of them. I did a post a week or so ago about him that he believed he was “Out of my League” & asking me questions about “Am I enough for you” or “Do you still like me?”. Well I got up the nerve to flat out ask him,

“Hey what’s up with that? Is there anything I can do to make you feel more like I’m yours & more secure in our relationship?”

His response was that it’s not me it’s him. I’m apparently being a great girlfriend to him & from his past serious relationships he has been branded with some insecurities. He said they are likely to go away with time, but for me not to worry because it’s something he himself has to get over. He then gave me a compliment which pretty much sums it all up.

“You’re the first girl I’ve ever dated that I feel like I can actually trust. I know when you say you’re going to your Writer’s Club, you are actually there. I’m not even scared to leave you to go have a cigarette. I trust you Mel & that is new to me & awesome. This is new for me. I actually am having fun in this relationship & I don’t feel like I settled on you.”


So the girls he’s dated in the past must have been real pieces of work that he’s never been able to trust them and he’s always felt like he’s settled on girlfriends. Now he feels like he’s in this relationship because he wants to be. That’s fine by me. You have to get used to the person & see if you fit into the other’s life. This relationship is working & we both have to get over a few things from our past so I’m hoping we can do that together. I have my own baggage so I think we’re pretty much equal. I hope we can just still take it one day at a time.

Also I found out that all this doubt might be from his mother. His mom told me that she asks him all the time, “Are you guys still together? Is it still going good?” I have no fucking clue why she says this because I see her all the time so I’m like huh?? Maybe because she keeps asking him questions it’s putting doubt in his head that we don’t seem like we’re working. We are working & I think she needs to just let us have a relationship & not know every little detail.


Relationships aren’t easy & aren’t hard but you have to meet in the middle, you have to keep an open-mind, you have to take the other person as they come, & be yourself to them. One thing I really like about this relationship is that I’m totally myself in it. The fact that he can tell that I’m being honest & being myself is amazing. I feel like I’m in a successful relationship & I hope it continues. I love the fact that we were able to talk about this stuff too. I stepped up to the plate & got my answer. Yeah!! I might have found my Jack. <3

Monday, August 16, 2010

Don't worry baby...everything will turn out alright...


Where to start? This past weekend my mind was everywhere. Everything feels so real to me all of a sudden & I’m a lil taken aback by it. I have to sit & pause & look at the decisions I have made. Maybe it’s from the birthday. I sort of feel like I’ve been a child and now I got dropped into a 25 year old’s life. This odd feeling of “Ohhh so this is what’s happening uhhh can I really do this?” has been a long time coming. It’s not new, I just haven’t written about it. It might be a consequence of the auto-pilot mode I’ve been living in. Life happened fast all of sudden. Deadlines, relationships, mortgages, furniture, health, & moving on all at once. Working out yesterday, yes I did my 10-minute exercise tape, I remembered that it’s been almost a year since I had my gall bladder removal surgery & it’s been less than 3 months since my fibroid removal surgery from my right breast. I hurt a lil bit so I have to remember to take it easy. Taking it easy…..sounds like a foreign concept to me. I need to re-introduce myself to it.

What prompted this sudden I need take a step back was really this weekend. I did in an excel spreadsheet my daily expenses when I’ll have the condo. It’s going to be a lot of money. I scrimp & I save already & now I have too increase that by ten fold & it’s making me upset. I tried to get my mortgage lady on the phone to find out exactly what my payment would be but she apparently wasn’t in today. I’m freaking out that I won’t be able to afford this or my savings will disappear too quickly & that I don’t make enough money for this. I do have enough but I just hope this isn’t going to be more of a burden than a freedom. It’s a big step all of this.

However I did get some pieces at an estate sale & a thrift store. A little paint & some cleaning & I think these pieces will be very nice.


Retro Brass Magazine holder: $3


Canisters for Sugar, Flour, etc: $1 each


Metal Wall shelving for bathroom: $1


Me happy of my thrift store finds.

Getting these items & some others calmed me down a bit. I can get some things for cheap so I don’t feel like I’m drowning too too bad.


The other thing that hit me in the face was my relationship with CJ. We went to one of his family barbecues & I saw him playing with kids and his family was so welcoming but I felt very overwhelmed by seeing a possible future of mine. Overwhelmed is probably the wrong word but I just feel like we’ve skipped something before all these family things. We skipped time going by. Having our parents know each other already we skipped over the “How long should we date before we meet each other’s parents?” stage. We both got catapulted into this. This is a serious relationship & I’m ready for it I just want enough time to go by for it all so it naturally progresses instead of burning everything out. I don’t think that’s too much to ask?

It’s a lot but I’m need some time with it all. Tomorrow I’m going to try to keep to myself a lil & not hang out with CJ & just do some cleaning to think things over. I need to maybe bring things a lil back to my pace so I don’t feel so out of control. New week, new day, new thoughts…new dreams. You gotta chill out once in a while. I’m in definite need. Ever do that? Take a breather & just reflect? I’ll be doing that. Til Tomorrow…

Friday, August 13, 2010

I know a drugstore cowgirl so afraid of getting bored...


Okay so I blinked and this week flew by. I’ve been so tired this week that it’s basically been auto-pilot mode. That’s not like me tho. I love to blog, I love to comment, but at work I’ve had to actually do work so my blogging time was cut way too short this week. Ohh what I wouldn’t give to take my computer & my desk & hit it repeatedly with a bat like the coolest dudes ever did in the movie “Office Space;” I think I have enough pieces of flare for the day thank you very much. Hehe. Tonight I have to do my submission for my Writer’s group which I’ve neglected to talk about lately but I am still a member & still struggling a little bit with my zombie novel. This year that will be one of my main goals to get some organizational handle on it. The group is helping but I need more drive. I’m hoping as the fall season rolls in & when I have my own place I’ll have the much needed quality time. =)


I can’t wait to move into my condo. Every day when I come home from work I glance hopefully over at my future home. I still don’t know my closing date for when I can move in but I should know soon. I took a lovely trip to Ikea with CJ & I’m looking forward to the day when I can take some of those awesome items home. CJ is a kickass boyfriend but he kinda gave me wayyyy too many boxes so my parent’s place is too full to bring home some more goodies. Soon tho.

Pretty much everyone I know is helping me out with the dreaded furniture ordeal. I never realized how much furniture actually is!! Omg couches are like the most expensive pieces ever! Luckily CJ has an old couch from his old apartment he’s going to lend me til I can afford my own. My friend Debra has an extra microwave to give me, with a spice rack & a bookcase she isn’t using in her place. My Aunt Mary has coffee mugs to give me, my grandparents have dishes & champagne glasses, & my friend Pat is making me a throw blanket for my future bed & …. It makes me happy. I CAN’T remember the last time I’ve been this happy. Truly.


It’s been madness these past couple days & it has caught up with me in a certain category. I was at CJ’s last night & he had a proper scale. I gained 10 pounds in the past month. That’s not terrible but I have a pair of pants that isn’t fitting me anymore. Yeah, Red flag. I need to go back to the gym & I need to watch what I eat. I was in the Shop Rite last night & glanced over at a magazine cover & saw a picture of Jennifer Hudson. Wow she looks amazing. I remember her on American Idol & I give her so much credit for proving Simon wrong. She has a beautiful voice & an amazing personality and did go far with her career. She’s so motivating in her “Healthy” transformation. She lost weight & she feels like she is at a healthy, comfortable weight. That is EXACTLY what I want to achieve. Why not start today? Sounds great to me.

I gotta rush to work, ahh the beauty of coffee in the morning, it really wake you up. I got a great night sleep & I’m ready to push forward!! Who’s with me? =) Have a great weekend everyone!! =)

Title: lyrics from "Beautiful Disaster" - 311

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

One of the best birthdays I’ve had in years!

This past Saturday was my 25th birthday & it was a total successful marathon of total awesomeness! I was so stressed because I didn’t know if I fit everything I had to do in but it worked & rocked. The day began when I awoke to see my mom making one of the most beautiful birthday cakes I’ve ever seen. My mom is a cake decorater too among her many talents. One of my birthday presents is that she signed me up for her cake decorating class she is going to be teaching at my high school. I want to learn how to make a rose out of icing & with the new apartment I can totally have the space to practice! =) Here’s the cake she made me:


I’m still in awe over it. CJ arrived early in the morning & we started out the day with my now favorite way to start a Saturday morning. Mimosas. Ohhh wonderful mimosas. Hehe. It’s basically champagne & orange juice but damnn it’s good!! We head over to his friend’s house whose birthday was also the 7th. I impressed CJ’s friends because we at least stopped by & showed that we cared that it was his birthday too. CJ brought his water balloon launcher over to the guy’s house so that was hilarious. Onward we went then…

My condo development was having their annual block party too so they all sang me “Happy Birthday” which was made me laugh because a lot of them were very drunk. Well they didn’t have to drive anywhere so good for them getting drunk. Hehe.



Cj got me one of the coolest gifts that had just enough sentimental value to bring a big smile to my face. It’s an electronic photo frame & he put all the pictures from our trip to Chicago on it & picked out music that we both like & it was just soo nice. I mean we’ve only been dating like 2 and a half months, I didn’t expect him to get me the biggest gift ever but what he got meant a lot because he took the time to put all the pictures & the music together. It was really sweet.


The other half of my gift was a trip to the restaurant called “The Melting Pot”. Anyone ever hear of it? It’s a fondue place that seriously O.M.G. amazing!!! We had the two cheese fondues; swiss & cheddar & then the chocolate one for dessert. I think they rolled me out of there because it was too too good not to finish it all! Cj was a complete gentleman & let me know that he had one more surprise for me. I knew we were going to a local bar & I invited some friends but he invited all our mutual friends so it was a really cute lil party! Here are some highlight pics! =)




It’s so nice to date a guy where things add up to something. All the people I wanted to be there showed up & I learned who some true friends are & made some new friends this night. I’m absolutely exhausted from all the running around but this new life is pretty fucking cool. I’m liking it. I’m curious to see where it’s going to go next! Til Tomorrow…

Friday, August 6, 2010

Tomorrow is my Birthday!! =) 25 here I come!!


Tomorrow is my 25th Birthday. Wow. I never imagined my life would be like this on my 25th birthday. See 25 was the year I told myself when I was I little that I'd be all grown up. Well I'm on my way tho! I was honestly freaking out a lil bit that I was hitting the big 25 because I felt like I hadn't done much since I graduated college & was kinda floundering in everything I was up to. But the change I longed for ever so much has come slowly little by little & I'm so happy it did. I'm looking forward to this age more & more.

Hmm I wonder though when I'm going to stop being asked to show ID! lol! Before 21 I was never asked...now I get asked all the time. Oh well. SO tomorrow CJ is taking me out for a romantinc dinner & then we are meeting up with some of my friends & our mutual friends at a little bar called the Saloon. Maybe just maybe I'll get to see Inception! My mom is making me a cake with the yummy icing I like so I can have the beaters of the icing for breakfast. Yeah I can still be a lil kid sometimes. I hope I never lose that. =)

I am feeling a 100% better! I'm grateful for modern medicine!!! Thank you everyone for your feel better wishes! I kinda feel like Tinker Bell when you had to clap to bring her back to life! It worked! =) I'm going to partying around tomorrow so I won't get to post! Sooo see you all on Sunday!! =)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Do not pass go, do not collect $200!


No I'm not the next Lindsey Lohan but I feel like I just got the jail card. I'm sick. Isn't that typical too? When you have a big weekend like your 25th birthday you just suddenly & I mean suddenly get tonsillitis...ughhh. This sucks. I did rush myself to the doctor & I got antibiotics but I don't think it's helping at all. I've been so good about not getting sick then Wham! It seems like every week there is always something on Wednesday or Thrusday that knocks me off my feet! =/ I really hope this clears up ASAP!

The people moved out of my future condo so I actually got to go in there yesterday & measure!! I'm still not sure on the closing & move in date. It looks bigger without the furniture but it's a perfect size for me. I finally got to show CJ & he said it looks great. He can't wait to help me decorate & fix some things up! Him & I....I'm trying to be more affectionate yet not clingy. It just sucks though that I can't kiss him right now. I feel bad, but I think he understands I don't want to give him tonsillitis. Thank you for all your ideas. It might be a self-esteem thing with him so I'm trying to be a great girlfriend & take it one day at a time. I'm not used to a guy treating me so well & actually being in a relationship that might be worth something big so maybe we need to meet in the middle? I'm going to try!


Ya know I just realized I've always been sick for major birthdays. I was devastastingly sick for my 16th birthday...so of course I'll be sick for my 25th! lol. I feel better than I look or sound but it I wish my throat was better. Grrr. Sigh. I'm going to drink some more tea & pop alot of cough drops. Maybe I'll get better by Saturday. I hope, I hope!!!

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